The problem with Firefly, Kara reflected, was that
(there's too much talking and not enough explosions)
(it takes too long for Kaylee and Simon to get together)
it takes too long for anything to develop. She
(knew by heart)
(had heard from someone)
knew that the show hadn't gotten a real chance during its broadcast run because
(her Dad)
(she'd read an article in Variety)
(HER DAD)
(MY DAD IS RICHARD MCMILLAN)
(MY DAD IS JAKE BLACK)
(I AM KARYN BLACK)
(I AM KARA MCMILLAN)
(I. AM. KARYN. BLACK.)
Karyn looked around and suffered something akin to deja vu: She remembered
(Mom)
Mrs. McMillan making
(her favorite pancakes)
pancakes and then the video consult with the doctor and settling in to watch Firefly; but she remembered doing this as Kara and that seemed both wrong and somehow the only possible right.
Very coldly, inside her head, Karyn began to consider the possibility that she was going mad.
(I am not, McMillans do not go crazy)
But she couldn't tell anyone. She looked just like Sarah
(because she's my twin sister)
and so
(my parents)
(the Blacks)
no one outside the house would believe her when she said she was
(me)
(some loser named Karyn)
someone else. Worst of all, though, this life
(and my memories)
felt real. Not that the Karyn-memories didn't; it was just that
(this is my life)
it felt entirely -- maybe more -- normal being Kara McMillan.
"Space cowboys? I'm almost interested."
Mom
(Mrs. McMillan)
was smiling at her and it felt comfortable and comforting. Karyn smiled back. "Even better," she replied. "There's two will-they-or-won't-theys." She patted the couch next to her, and Susan sat gracefully, pulling
(Kara's)
(Karyn's)
her daughter's head on to her shoulder.
Having Mom there made waiting for Kaylee and Simon to leave River agog go a lot faster.
"Are you f-- kidding me?"
Zoe was trying to figure out how she'd ended up in a light gym uniform after school was over; in front of an adult authority figure in front of whom she couldn't swear after school was over; and surrounded by a giant gaggle of the people at school she hated most, after school was over.
On a small pedestal, being told to stand on one leg and to splay out her arms and other leg like something out of that stupid Titanic movie her mom liked to watch.
Paige McMillan -- Paige! Paige McMillan! -- gave her an encouraging smile. Encouraging! Like they were friends and not mortal enemies or something! "I know it feels dumb," she said, and something about her tone, like a
(best friend)
(sister)
seasoned veteran watching out for Zoe, slipped past Zoe's defenses. "But you have the body for it and after years of hearing what you think about me even when everyone sides with me, I know you have the toughness for it."
Zoe blushed
(I don't blush!)
(everyone blushes some time)
and decided to just get this over with. She'd done tumbling and cartwheeling and backflipping and jumping and to get it over with, she'd shown off skills
(she never knew she had)
(she'd had since childhood)
she only sorta knew she had and all the glammed up cheerleaders cheered for her because she guessed that's what they did naturally, and this was supposed to be the last humiliation and she really had no idea how she'd ended up here.
She spread out her arms, bent forward, and lifted the non-supporting leg horizontal to the ground. She held the position like she had as a kid
(did I?)
(of course I did, whenever I could, I just didn't let anyone see me)
and was lost in memories when Coach Brewster said, "You can relax now, Gibson, no more showing off."
Zoe realized, as she straightened, that every girl was looking at her incredulously. Paige just said, "Wow," as Sarah stepped forward. "Zoe," she began. "It's too late to join the squad this year, and I know we haven't always been kind to you, but would you consider going to summer camp and tryouts? That was amazing."
That seemed to release the spell on the rest of the crowd. Dozens of hands were patting her back, squealing about how she hadn't even twitched, did she have any idea how long she'd been like that, and Zoe felt liked and appreciated and befriended in a way that, other than Athena, she'd never felt in her life.
"Maybe," she said, and the girls all cheered and patted her on the back and shoulders more and she thought about how to ask Mom to take her to camp this summer.
