Jon was beginning to seriously panic over what Oberon could mean by that, as the man sat down on the chaise lounge across from Jon, a predatory grin on his handsome, aristocratic face. The fairy king steepled his hands under his chin and said, "here's what I'm thinking. Since your life basically-"
Whatever else the eldritch being in a top hat was going to say would remain a mystery, as his spiel was interrupted by the heavy oak door of the mysterious room Jon had been transported into, exploding open with enough force to knock it partially off its hinges. Standing fuming in the doorway was a spectacularly beautiful woman with wild, almost ankle length periwinkle hair flying wildly around her as shimmering energy swirled about. Seaglass green wings, like Oberon's black pair, flared from her back and her eyes burned with a light of the same color. She was dressed in a similarly archaic fashion to Oberon, in her case looking like something straight out of Mary Poppins, with her finely made gold silk women's suit, only missing the customary hat. Jon yelped and drew his feet up onto the loveseat at the sudden blast, suddenly much more frightened of this clearly angry other fairy than he'd been of Oberon.
"uh, Titania, darling," Oberon sheepishly said as he rose to his feet, holding his hands out, "what a lovely surprise."
"Don't darling me, you dunderhead!" Titania shot back while stomping her foot, though the eerie glow in her eyes did vanish to reveal beautiful, but conventional, green ones. Both she and Oberon had what Jon would describe as incredibly posh, upperclass English accents, making him feel like he'd stepped into a very strange period drama. "I step out for five minutes to harvest some moonbeams and petal-dew, and you try to begin without me!? You're already in trouble for letting the stone fall out of play for so long, and you're not getting back in my good graces by trying to fix things up behind my back!"
"Titania, moonmuffin," Oberon said in that soothing placating tone Jon well remembered from whenever he was trying to avoid yet another fight with Kelly. "I just thought you'd enjoy getting to see what happens as a surprise! See I have this great plan for how to grant the wish-"
"-let me guess," Titania interupted as she stepped further inside, her wild hair somewhat taming itself into a long full bodied waterfall over her between her wings, "you're going to flash him over into what his life would be like if everything had gone his way and watch him flounder? He married Hallie, became a hotshot lawyer, has a couple kids, kept contact with all his old friends, and is just generally popular, rich and successful?"
Oberon's face went into a glum grimace that instantly let Jon know Titania had hit the nail on the head. Frankly though, that all sounded like a wonderful outcome to this accidental wish, and he began to hope that's what would still happen. Oberon tried to explain, "well, I thought it could be fun. See, I'd use the other half of the wish to give the stone to whichever mortal owns the mall, and Jon would be absolutely floundering. Wouldn't it be funny watching him have to go to court without actually having any legal training, or stumble over missed anniversaries and hijinks with whatever kids we give him. We could even have his new life have all sorts of complications, like a secret affair with the other ex, what's her name, Kelly, or that kind of thing. I thought it would be amusing."
Oh, maybe I don't want that after all, Jon realized, as it fully dawned on him that the reason the wishes really had such danger of getting out of control was that Oberon and Titania were choosing how to grant each and every one.
Titania rolled her eyes, "mildly amusing, but only just. You did basically the same thing three stone holders ago, and after twenty years of boredom I want some real excitement. I don't know about you, sweet wings, but I intend to have some real fun this time."
Oberon gasped, "you don't mean...? You want to get personally involved in the mortal realm again? We haven't done that for centuries!"
Titania smiled pridefully and crossed her arms beneath her improbably bouncy chest, "then I would say it's high time we did. After all, the trouble with Jon being a boring stick in the mud isn't going to be fixed by just one exciting unexpected wish result. I've thought about it, and clearly this mortal needs guidance."
"Well how do you suggest we..." Oberon began to ask before trailing off and looking at his conniving wife in disbelief, before darting his head back and forth between the fairy queen and Jon, still curled up on the loveseat. "Oh, no! You can't be suggesting we take him in? I know it's been an age since we've reared a changeling, but him!?!? You've been complaining for decades about how drab and boring this mortal is and now you want to let him into the family?"
"What do you mean by-" Jon began to demand, before Titania dismissively waved her hand at him and said, "hush, Mummy and Daddy are talking." Jon was about to protest but found sound suddenly wouldn't come out of his throat. It was like the wild queen had literally put him on mute, both shutting him up and squashing the plan that had been forming in the back of his mind to try and start wishing his way out this.
Titania put her hands on her hips defiantly and proclaimed, "it's because he hasn't had proper role models. I swear I have no clue what happened to make Linda such a stick in the mud considering how much mischief her father got up to back in the day, but she and Roger were terrible influences on Jon. So dully responsible, and ordinary and drab. Is it any wonder he balked from the power when that was his upbringing?"
Oberon furrowed his brow in contemplation, "I see your point, dearest, but still. It's such a big step. I mean look at him; he's the quintessental 40 something middle manager type, almost a stereotype."
Titania laughed musically, "you know as well as I that will be easily rectified." Stepping forward she put hand on Oberon's chest and licked her lips, "besides, there are some fun preliminaries to parenthood I would think you would enjoy."
That statement seemed to do the trick as suddenly Oberon was smiling broadly, "my dear, you are precisely right." Turning to Jon he snapped his fingers and the forty year old man suddenly felt himself shrinking and shrinking, drawing towards his center point until he dissipated entirely, getting one last glimpse of the amorous looking fairy couple before he lost all consciousness.
