"About that," I said. "You see Karyn, the truth is..." how the hell was I going to tell her this? It was a major bombshell! I sure hoped she would be able to accept the truth, to accept me like this.
"Everyone, dinner's ready~!" my mom, or, Jon-me's mom, or my Jon-mom, called upstairs. I shouldn't think of her as Jon-mom. But calling her by her first name seems wrong. She's just, one of my moms.
I felt a twang of relief.
No wait. Why did I feel relieved from the opportunity to put it off? No. Doormat Jon-me, is afraid of doing what must be done. But I'm not just Jon, I'm also strong confident Sarah, and Sarah-me couldn't let that go. Karyn made a move for the door, and I wall-slapped around her.
"Karyn, I can't let this go any further. I need to tell you something."
"Something else? It couldn't be any bigger than what you already told me," she said back. And I remembered, though I was already focusing on the next problem, what I had already said really was a lot already. But it had to be said.
"You remember, that episode of Star Trek Voyager, with Tuvix?"
"...No... no no no no... do NOT tell me that's what happened!"
"I'm sorry Karyn, but I'm still Jon, still the Jon you know, but yeah, I'm also Sarah."
Suddenly the earlier conversation and Jon's questions about whether she remembered both Sarah and Jon existing in separate families made sense to Karyn. "And you got me to kiss you! Ugh! And what, happened! Who wished for what!"
"Sarah just wished Jon would understand how she felt. And well, I guess, we both understand how the other feels, emotionally, but Jon really knows how Sarah feels, physically."
"Well that's vague enough! We should have a rule that wishes be vague. We can separate you just by..."
"Karyn! I don't want to be separated. Don't you understand? That's..."
"I will not let you steal Jon from me!" Karyn said, burning in anger.
"Karyn, I'm still Jon! And I don't want to steal anything from you, I want to be best friends, and more, but you have to understand, I don't want to have my mind disassembled into two parts, and I like this, that's part of why I brought up that Tuvix episode."
"And how did that episode end, remember that?" Karyn said with venom.
"Of course I remember, he was separated against his will. So what, do you think that was a happy ending or the right decision?"
"Yes! That was the whole point! The good of the many outweighs the good of the one! That's an ongoing theme in Star Trek!"
"Karyn, just because it happened that way in the episode doesn't mean it was the right thing to do. The writers of Star Trek don't decide what is and isn't, hell, they're the same writers that made that episode with the descendants of dinosaurs, and they ask the computer to calculate what they'd look like after 65 million years of evolution and it just magically looked just like the aliens they were dealing with, what do the stupid writers of Star Trek know about anything! And maybe even they thought it wasn't necessarily the right thing to do anyway, it's just what happened in the episode. Also you should know, it's not like that anyway. I'm not a different person than either of the two who wants to continue to exist at their expense, it's not like that at all, I totally am both of them! And besides, don't think of it as Sarah getting you, think of it as the ultimate revenge against her. Now she's in love with you and she's been turned into a nerd."
"I... but, but you're Sarah. How can you, if, it's revenge, how can you be ok with, I mean..."
I kissed her forehead and said "please Karyn, it's so perfect..."
"Dinner!" Jon-mom called up again.
"WE'RE COMING MO...OHSSSESS MERLIN!" I yelled out, stopping myself from calling her mom just far enough into it for it to sound awkward.
Karyn laughed a little at that. Perhaps she was starting to accept that even though I was also Sarah, I really was still Jon.
"Look Karyn, you think I don't get it? I know you don't like it. I knew you wouldn't like it. And I know it's weird. Do you think it's not weird for me? I'm two people, who didn't much like each other. And I wasn't as bad a person as we thought, but I don't want to go back to that. I also don't want half of me to go back to hating you, and you to go back to hating me. But I promise you, I'm still Jon, I'm still your Jon. And this is also your opportunity to come to peace with Sarah. It was for me. I mean, Jon-me. Come on, doesn't that sound kind of cool? An excuse to lose an enemy and gain a friend. All 3 of us can finally get rid of this dark cloud that's hung over us. And I can help you get more friends and improve your life in other ways as Sarah you wouldn't have expected too. Can we at least worry about it after dinner?"
"Let's, go to dinner," Karyn said in a huff, but now was calmed down.
As Karyn turned to walk toward the door to my room, I squeezed her left buttcheek, and she gasped and looked at me in confusion and possibly betrayal.
"You're my girlfriend now, did you forget that? You agreed to it and everything," I said, smiling. Karyn looked even more confused. I had a good idea what she was thinking. Unless I was mistaken, she was wondering if the Jon she knew ever could have done that or would have even wanted to do it, but also wishing that he had done it long ago. But also a little bit unsettled by the fact that I as Sarah was also the one being sexually aggressive with her and that maybe the behavior wasn’t unwanted. Her resolve was wearing down though. But what the hell was I going to say to my family?
