The "candidates" for the football team approached Mr. Blankman. It was Sabrina Johnson who spoke first.
"This is fucking bullshit!" Sabrina exclaimed. "I know I said I don't like sports, but that doesn't mean I don't know anything about it! You don't pick football players - or cheerleaders - by picking names out of a bin! You pick them for their athletic skills! Do ANY of us look like we're qualified to be on a fucking football team?"
The punk Goth girl gestured to herself and the other "candidates" Tim Brant, Leonard Drullers, Paul Anderson, Amber Levine, Tiffany Sanders, Yuki Meshida, Kyla Leeson, Zach Jones, and Jacob Miller. "Most of us are not in the right shape for it, and half of us are girls! You don't put boys and girls on the same football team! There are all sorts of rules against that!"
Sabrina continued. "This is all just a cruel joke at our expense. A way for the jock assholes", she pointed at Biff, "and the popular bitches," she pointed at Sarah "to humiliate all the kids they see as lower than them: The Goths, the geeks, the religious nuts, and the average kids who don't play sports."
"I'm on track and field." Jacob Miller interrupted. "Jason Knight and Chris Morgan are good friends of mine."
"Yeah, but most of us aren't into sports, and none of us could score a touchdown if our fucking lives depended on it, and Biff and Sarah know it!" Sabrina said. "They've got these new coaches Ms. Holloway and Mr. Blankman to go along with this scheme to embarrass us in front of the whole school, maybe because they think we're laughing at them behind their backs because the regular football team and cheerleading squad both fell apart cause they couldn't fucking stand each other anymore!"
She turned back to Sarah, Biff, and Mr. Blankman. "That's all this is, so stop pretending this is anything other than a waste of our time!"
There was a brief pause. Sarah and Biff exchanged glances for a moment, as if asking each other if they should say anything.
"Are you finished, Ms. Johnson?" Mr. Blankman asked, in a calm tone.
"Yeah, I've made my point. Now just admit it's all a sick joke and call this whole thing off." Sabrina said.
Mr. Blankman then spoke, in a calm voice. "Let me assure you and everyone assembled here that this is not a means of humiliating you or any of the other candidates, unless of course you choose it to be. You are being granted an opportunity here - to be more than what you were before, to possibly excel in ways you never believed were possible. I know you have your doubts now, but before this meeting is over, I will prove I have what it takes to guide you into being an effective team. I believe that even the most unlikely people in the world can be shaped and molded into brilliant athletes, and all they need is someone to help them unlock their potential."
"Yeah, right." Leonard muttered. There were similar mumblings among the others, though Tim Brant and Jacob Miller were silent.
Kyla slowly raised her hand. "Excuse me, but I'm afraid they do have a point." She tried her best not to stammer, as she wasn't comfortable speaking up like this, but she felt she had something she needed to add to this discussion. "Many of us just don't have the physique needed for football, and I don't see how you can get everyone in good shape by the time football season begins next school year."
"Yeah, look at me." Leonard said, noting his overweight, out of shape physique. "You think you can get me ready to run around a football field throwing passes in four and a half months? I don't think so."
"I see we have a lot of doubters and skeptics here." Mr. Blankman said. "But let me assure you, none of the issues you've raised will be a problem."
"You keep saying that." Paul said, shaking his head. "But it'd take a true miracle to pull this off."
"And why are you doing this now anyway?" Amber said. "We're, like, just past spring break. Football season isn't until the next school year. You've got plenty of time to find people more qualifed to be on the team."
Mr. Blankman smiled, as if in on some sort of joke the group assembled were not in on. "So you're saying that it's just after spring break, well after this year's football season is over and four months before the next football season?"
Leonard, Kyla, Amber, Tiffany, Sabrina, Tim, and Jacob all nodded. "Well, duh." Amber added. "Everyone knows that."
"Really?" Mr. Blankman said, still smiling. "Go and turn your phones back on, and check the time and date."
The group pulled out their phones and activated them, and stared at the screens. "What the fuck?" Sabrina exclaimed.
"Is this some kind of joke?" Tim Brant asked. His face had an expression of confusion and surprise, as did the rest of the group.
The members of the group showed their phones to each other.
"It has to be." Kyla replied. "I don't know how they did it, but this can't be real."
"I've pulled a few pranks before, but nothing like this." Zach Jones noted.
Everyone stared at the date on their phones. The date was now the first day of the school year, several months ago.
"So you see," Mr. Blankman said, standing beside Sarah and Biff who were the only two people besides Mr. Blankman who did not look surprised and confused by this latest twist, "it's the start of the year so we need tryouts for the cheerleader squad and the football team. We already have our new cheerleaders, and now it's time for the rest."
He said it in a plain, matter-of-fact tone, as if he were not joking at all. The group looked at each other, for just a moment not sure how to react.
