Well if they were going to ignore him, Jon figured he might as well make use of that. While the two domineering women continued to endlessly chat without a breath of pause between their words and be completely oblivious to him, back-and-forth, back-and-forth, Jon entered Karyn’s house and went upstairs and went into her bedroom. He closed and locked the bedroom door.
He was afraid it would be hard, that it would be hidden. That it would be in some secret loose floorboard, or hidden taped inside of a poster on the wall or something like that if not hidden inside a magical safe that she had wished for, but no, it was just right there on her desk.
By this point he had started to rethink some things. What was definitely clear was that he should’ve chosen his friends more wisely and he didn’t know Karyn like he thought he did. She wasted no time in betraying him in every way without a shred of remorse. She didn’t seem to be the girl that he thought that he knew at all, it was almost as if she was a completely different person, a deranged character from a revenge fantasy or something, except that she had no one to get revenge against, nothing to get revenge for, because her life had been pretty good and yet things had all turned out like this.
Well it was pretty clear that Jon needed to rethink his life and his relationships. Particularly the one with Karyn. He was thinking that maybe his normal manner was too girly, too complacent, he was too submissive and too kind. This was what happened when he was nice apparently. Nice guys really do finish last it seems. I guess no more Mr. Nice Guy, he thought. But first, he needed to fix this.
“I wish this collar would disintegrate off me,” he said in a demure, soft voice. When the wish was granted, he cleared his throat and continued in a more manly voice not that he ever had much of a manly voice to begin with. But he would make a point to be as forceful as he could now.
“I wish a well armed militia of men calling themselves ‘The Patriarchy’ would retake the country and immediately dissolve the government put in place by the ‘The Voice’, making their new laws null and void and putting back in place the original government of the United States of America, which would not be overthrown again for at least 100 years, and I wish…” Jon continued in a yell, because there was a clamor at the door to Karyn’s room and they were shouting things at him and he wanted to speak loud enough to keep his focus over what he was saying with the distraction. “And I wish,” he continued, “the patriarchy would have branches in every city so they could immediately enforce their new rule.”
“Open up Jon!” Karyn screeched, banging on her bedroom door.
“Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin,” Jon said back, in a harsh voice. “By the way, were you close enough to hear the whole wish?”
“Jon, this is Karyn, your friend, you know I wouldn’t ever hurt you, right?” Karyn said in a voice that sounded like it was on the verge of tears.
“Jon, Karyn told me all about the stone,” his sister said sternly through the door. “You know it was all a joke, right? Just a prank, ha ha ha ha?”
“Ha ha ha ha?” Jon said back in fake laughter, trailing up in the end as well like it was a question.
“Jon, let me in, Karyn cried.”
“Do you think the world as it was and is again, is unfair to women, Karyn?”
“Of course it is! It’s a man’s world! A patriarchy!” Karyn answered without hesitation.
“I should show you all the scholarships I’m ineligible for Karyn. Scholarship after scholarship, for women only, for women only, for women only.”
“Well that’s a good thing,” she said. “Just one tiny step in the right direction. You get so much more!”
“I don’t know what I do get but I do know I get no scholarship Karyn. None at all. But as for your motivations, what you wanted, what you wanted was a bigger step in the right direction?”
“Yes, that’s it exactly!”
“A difference 100 times bigger than any advantage men had before.”
“Well. That’s how punishment works. If a thief steals 100 dollars and gets caught, he doesn’t just have to give back the 100 dollars, he faces much steeper penalties,” Karyn explained.
“So I deserve to be punished Karyn?”
“Yes. You have benefited from the patriarchy and you should pay.”
“I wasn’t alive when women couldn’t vote Karyn, what benefits? The benefit of not being eligible for any scholarships? Though I at least wasn’t alive for the Vietnam draft either so I can’t claim to have suffered all the negative things about being a man. So this is about revenge then?”
“Justice.”
“I see,” Jon said through the closed door. “You want justice. That’s what you want, justice for wrongdoing, for the wrongdoers to be punished for their wrongdoing, is that it?”
“Jon, bro, whatever you’re about to do to her, can you leave me out of it?” Zoe said sweetly. “I didn’t do any of this to you.”
“You seemed awfully happy about it. And you made me clean your disgusting room.”
“Well, we’re siblings. We’re supposed to be frenemies. It has nothing to do with gender,” Zoe said.
“Hmmm,” Jon said. “I guess that’s true. Ok Zoe, your punishment is you have to clean the kitchen for the next year.”
“But… but that’s your chore!”
“And for the next year, it gets to be yours.” Jon said cooly.
“But that’s not fair! You cleaned my room one time, in a few minutes!”
“Well. That’s how punishment works. If a thief steals 100 dollars and gets caught, she doesn’t just have to give back the 100 dollars, she faces much steeper penalties,” Jon said in an infuriating whiny tone mocking Karyn.
Jon picked up the stone and said “I wish that Zoe would feel compelled by obsessive compulsive disorder for the next year to keep the kitchen in her and my house AND her bedroom spotlessly clean and ordered.” Jon put down the stone as Zoe grumbled, but she knew she got off easy.
“Karyn. How about a compromise then. So you wanted a bigger step in the right direction. Would you be happy with that?”
“Really?” Karyn asked. She had been expecting revenge, a big hit in the wrong direction. Maybe Jon wasn’t so bad after all, for a man at least.
“Yes. That’s my offer. All the way. No horrifying oppressive state where the other sex loses their basic human rights like you wanted. Just full equality with men.”
“Wow. Thanks. I guess you’re a true friend after all,” Karyn said reverently.
“No Karyn, we’re not friends any more. You blew it.”
“Oh. Come on Jon.”
Jon picked up the stone. “First of all, I wish that if either Karyn or Zoe touches the stone or try to tell anyone else about it, they would immediately have a nasty epileptic seizure and wake up hours later with no memory of the previous day.”
“Damn, I wish I’d thought of something like that,” Karyn said.
“Yes, your betrayal was only half-assed. But I’ve got to wonder, if that’s how you think of me, why would you even want to be my friend anyway? Do you want to keep your friends on a ball and chain? All right, next order of business, I wish I was a girl and Karyn was a boy with high libido.”
“What?!” Karyn stammered. “Oh god!” he bawled, as he looked down at his new self. Worst of all, he still had big boobs and long blonde hair.
“Testing, ah, hi, high, voice, he he. So much for my plan of turning over a new masculine leaf. But plans are made to be changed.”
“You horrible, horrible little creep!” Karyn cried.
“Nuh uh uh, you shouldn’t call me a creep, the c word you’re looking for me now is cunt,” Jon said in her new voice as she unlocked and opened the door to Karyn’s bedroom and stood there in front of them.
Both Karyn and Zoe were surprised. Jon was pretty cute as a girl. Her boobs were still half the size of Karyn’s though. To add insult to injury, Karyn got rock hard from the mere sight of her, painfully fully restrained against his tough curduroy slacks, and started to space out, looking at her.
But not for long. Karyn gritted his teeth and punched Jon in the cheek.
Jon took the punch without a flinch, cricked her neck, and then only said “you hit like a girl.”
“Karyn, you can’t be hitting girls,” Zoe said to him.
“I’ll hit whoever I want whenever I want,” Karyn huffed.
“You do that,” Jon said, walking down the stairs. “On average, men serve 5 times longer prison sentences for the same crimes. When you get there, don’t drop the soap. I can say that because rape jokes are only acceptable if they’re about men. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get home, I’ve got some scholarships to apply for.”
Zoe and Karyn followed Jon outside, unsure what else to do.
But they both got quite a surprise. Because on leaving the building, it was like stepping through time into the 18th century. 2 horse-drawn carriages lumbered down the street. A couple, a man and a woman, walked by, dressed like they were about to participate in a play, perhaps Oliver Twist or something, because they were wearing very antiquated clothes. Again, straight out of the 18th century.
“What the hell did you wish for?” Karyn tried to say in a high voice.
“No… nothing,” Jon said, still coming to terms with her new high-pitched voice. “I just wished to get that shitty collar off me, and then for a militia called the Patriarchy to take back the country, and put back in power… the original government of the United States of America. Oh. Shit.”
“What?” Zoe and Karyn said together.
“The original one. I guess. Original. As in the one from… 1776…” Jon said, starting to like her new high voice.
“Ha! Looks like Mister Perfect self-righteous makes mistakes too!” Karyn said in his new low voice. God Jon’s hot, he thought, looking at her from an angle. Her breasts are small, but, her figure is just… so…
“Oopsies,” Jon said. “I guess I’m not going to be voting. Or, getting a scholarship. Or going to college. For the next… hundred years at least. Well, it’s just the government, it doesn’t have to be everything I guess. I’m sure I can make something workable with some more wishes.”
“Hippity hoppity, women are property!” Karyn said with vehemence.
“I guess I played myself. On the other hand I can probably legally own slaves now,” Jon said, giving Karyn and Zoe an uncomfortable look.
