As the principal moved around the three guns he had confiscated, the 'Geek Gun' accidentally went off and struck him in the face.
Principal Davison stood there, confused, for a few seconds, as new information poured into his brain. "These guns ... they're real. They're like the mutation rays the likes of Kanjar Ro and the Ultra Humanite have used on the Justice League and the Justice Society, only in these cases people can be mentally or physically transformed yet remain human and mostly recognizable. And then there was that episode of the Superfriends where..."
Sarah interrupted. "Hel-lo! Reality time."
Principal Davison blushed. "Oh, don't worry. Just because I now know the titles and production numbers of every episode of every Star Trek series, not to mention every other sci-fi series out there from Dr. Who to Space 1999 to Babylon 5 to shows you've probably forgotten about like Space: Above and Beyond, it doesn't mean I don't understand what's going on. What's going on here is that I thought ray guns like these only existed in old Saturday morning cartoons, Silver Age comic book stories, and old campy sci-fi series. And 'transformation' stories people write on the Internet."
He paused to take a breath. "But it's clear these things are real. If there's anything all those old shows have taught us, it's that things like these are too dangerous to be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. These 'Transformation Guns' ruin lives. Look at what happened to Theodora Blakely and Mr. Dernsley."
Biff interrupted. "Hey, you were the one who kicked them out of school."
"I did that because I had no choice. Failure to take immediate action would have led to my being forced to resign in the wake of the inevitable scandal." Principal Davison replied. "And unless we can find a way to reverse the effects of the 'Slut Gun' that caused their lewd behavior, they'll have to stay gone. Now, who else has been affected by these strange guns?"
"Reggie..." Biff said hesitantly, pointing at the nerdish figure nearby who was clearly too embarrassed to speak. The former football player, now an uncoordinated nerd, merely nodded.
"I thought these things were a joke, and now look at Reggie. That's what the 'Nerd Gun' did to him." Biff continued.
"And that nerd over there used to be Steve 'The Stud' Farber." Sarah replied. "He was the one who zapped Theodora with the 'Slut Gun', and he was threatening me when Biff came to my rescue and zapped Steve with the 'Nerd Gun'."
Steve 'The Nerd' Farber looked as if he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. He sat in the corner, too ashamed to look at anyone.
Nicole spoke up. "And Sarah accidentally zapped me with the Geek Gun after she found it in her locker. Did you know that Genevieve Bujold was the original choice for Captain Janeway in Star Trek: Voyager but she turned it down? If you ask me, she made the right choice. That show was just so badly written, and Janeway so inconsistent, that I don't know how they managed to..."
"We can talk more about that later." Principal Davison replied. "Right now, we have to search the entire school for more of these 'Transformation Guns' and confiscate all that we can. Let's see, there's the 'Slut Gun', the 'Nerd Gun', and the 'Geek Gun'. There may be other types out there, so pay close attention to everyone. Take note of any changes in peoples' appearances or personalities."
Sarah nodded. "You can count me in. These guns give me the creeps. The sooner we dispose of them all, the better."
Biff and Nicole nodded. The 'nerdified' Reggie raised his hand and said "I'm in."
* **** **** **** *
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the school...
Jon and Karyn had already gone to their next class, which was at the other side of the school from the hall where the commotion had taken place. They had noticed only a few unusual things, such as passing by a Goth in the hall. "That guy's not in any of our classes, but I'm sure he was a jock yesterday." Jon told Karyn.
"So? That can't be the 'something interesting' that you wished for." Karyn replied. "The stone would have to make it something you'd notice."
Neither of them were aware of what had happened elsewhere in the school, or of the 'Transformation Guns'. But they would soon find out.
The teacher, Mrs. Williams, was staring at what appeared to be a ray gun on her desk. "It seems someone in this class is playing some sort of joke." she said. "While I was not looking, someone planted this thing on my desk. And they even labelled it." She showed the gun to the class, including Jon and Karyn. It was a...
