Nadine closed the diary, her eyes wide. The discussion earlier had shed some light on the changes, offered a brief glimpse into the alternate lives that she and the others had been forced into by the witch. That was all one thing. To read her alternate self's history in her own words...
And they were her words. Slightly different, given that this alternate Nadine had led a drastically different life than she had, but it was so very close. Same handwriting, same overall nuances...
Which made her discoveries all the more heart wrenching. She had not only had a boyfriend in this new life, but quite a few. The diary had mentioned five boys by name. She was left to wonder how many there could have been outside of them. If the ones mentioned were the repeated, longer term boyfriends, could there be one offs?
Worse, there had been mentions of some of the things she had done. Not quite going all the way, but doing other things. Making out, allowing them to touch her br...
She shook her head, dropping the diary to the bed that she sat on. Worse were the things that hadn't made it into the diary, but that were called up as new memories as she had read. She knew the other Nadine had left certain acts out in case her mother ever found the diary and read it. That was another change. Her mother, the one she knew, would never invade her privacy like that. She would have had no reason to. This new version of her mother apparently didn't have the same faith in her daughter. She had been able to recall a handful of instances where she had discovered that her mother had snooped in her room. The others had provided listening ears, particularly Sarah who had dealt with the same.
Standing and shaking her head, Nadine headed to the bathroom. She locked the door and glanced into the mirror, taking in her new appearance again. Like the diary, it was so very close. Improved, objectively, but still recognizable as Nadine Ferguson. It was hard to reconcile anyone who could be her as doing the things she remembered. She could even remember the justifications that the other her had made. It doesn't count because we didn't actually do it P in V.
She shuddered, and grabbed her toothbrush, partly for her nightly ritual, and partly to try and wash away the memory of doing... that.
Multiple times.
When she was finished, she spit the toothpaste into the sink, eliciting another memory tied to... that. Worse was knowing that that wasn't even the worst that this version of her had done. She had heard of others using the excuses, but she hadn't thought she ever would.
Shaking her head again, she left the bathroom and changed into her pajamas. They now consisted of a pair of tight white pants and a thin t-shirt. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after 11. A little later than normal bedtime for her, but not by much.
She put her diary back, then knelt by her bed for her nightly prayer. She paused, even this once innocent maneuver tainted by her newfound memories. She sighed, not even sure what to say. Should she ask forgiveness for what the other version of herself had done? Did she risk not referencing it, only to find out once she passed on that it was still her sin?
In the end, she did the only thing she could.
"Please, help me. I... I don't know what to do..."
She stayed there for a few minutes, waiting for something. A sign, or... anything. When nothing came, she sighed and got into bed, then quickly drifted off to sleep.
