wokka's profile

Really enjoying this branch from Cork. Had some ideas of my own - I don't normally go for the "realistic" wiccan-style magic stuff so hopefully this sort of fits.

To be clear, the only physical change so far is their hair and clothes, Jon and Leonard (and Rick) still have their original bodies. That's not to say there couldn't be further physical changes though...

@doclock: Hey, don't worry too much about my style. Write what you like! Your additions are great so far, I'm just a sporadic writer. But for the record I tend to go for personality & clothing changes and reality warping weirdness. Physical changes can be fun but aren't always a priority. I tend to prefer having my characters go through a big change and then live with that for a bit rather than a rapid series of change after change after change.

That was me. I didn't do the cheerleader branch though, that was churl.

Really interesting stuff in here! Lots of fun ideas to explore, and I love how you described the reality changes in the early chapters. If I could offer some criticism - I found myself starting to get lost by this point. This is the 5th really long chapter of introduction. The characters are great and very well drawn, but there's just so much back & forth, and so much description, that it became truly hard to follow. I don't really understand what the actual bargain is at this point. Is Dave trying to keep Jake from being possessed by demons? And why is Dave also bargaining away his first-born, and Jake giving up his body when he dies? A lot of it feels a bit extraneous. And the descriptions of the objects in this episode were good at first but started to feel murky as it went on. Are there 3 artifacts or 4? Then the demon adds coins and other objects that do... something? I had a hard time following what's what. I'm interested in seeing where this goes, but I think you'd do well to pare things down and simplify a bit. Don't let your ideas get weighed down by your writing, if that makes sense...