bigbustgazer's profile

It does paragraphs for me, in your post the blank line is there... Do you have user css set up or something like that? An extension in your browser maybe?

I wonder how long Karyn calling Jon, Jon, in private will last? How will Jon feel about being called Sarah even by Karyn?

I wonder if she'll reach a point that she feels like she can never tell Jon about the stone again, or if she's already reached it.

If Sarah's body is influencing Jon's behaviour... is he still into girls? Or is that just the "muscle memory" wish Karyn made?

It does make me wonder if there will be a clash between that muscle memory and Jon's mind if Karyn does get him into bed with her. Will he still feel male urges/reactions from his male mind and also feel female urges/reactions from the female muscle memory?

That first paragraph! Yeah... she didn't even for a minute consider that there might be another way to get what she wants, she just worked out how to do the fantasy she already had.

Jon wished for his swap not to be random... but didn't say who he'd swap with... Is he going to get to choose at the time of the swap?

Yeah. I like the fact that she's clearly been thinking about the idea of Sarah's body and Jon's personality being her ideal so long and so much that when she had the stone she didn't even think about and discard other possibilities, she just made that one literally happen.

Yeah, but it's a much easier moral case to make for altering herself mentally than someone else physically. Altering herself is her making a choice about herself, so I can't really see a moral objection to it, especially something like just altering her sexuality, where her "self" would remain intact. I understand she might not want to be straight, but like given she hasn't even told Jon she isn't straight... she doesn't seem comfortable being lesbian either.

The actual text of the story to me implies she just didn't think of it. Especially the bit about how she's tried to convince herself to go for Jon anyway. It's sort of an interesting blind spot, and if at some point she realizes that wishing herself straight was an option, it might make for some interesting character moments for her, since it's already too late to that. Especially if she tells Jon about the stone again, and he points it out.

Hell she wouldn't even have to be straight, just wish for a Jon-specific exception, so she's not interested in men, except Jon. That would be tricky to phrase in a way that guarantees what she wants though.

I wonder if pointing out that she could wish herself straight would make Karyn feel more guilty or if she would rationalize that away. Did she consider that? Obviously she wouldn't for the reasons of making a transformation story... but still.

Jon you goof, you can just wish to know where Karyn's original bits are so you can swap them back.

This has enough set up to go in lots of directions. As many directions as the root. And really Karyn and Jon dealing with the difference in their relationship to Sarah is a conflict. Conflicts in stories don't have to be actual conflicts.

Interesting, but I don't think it really needs Miriam showing up at the end, that sort of narrows the directions someone could go with it from here. Without it we could just stick to Jon, Karyn, and Sarah, in future branches and explore a bit more what's going on with just them. With it, everyone has to have Miriam involved in some way.

Otherwise I like the idea a starting point!

@lifesmainantagonist the stone is gone. Karyn asked Jon's family if they had seen it.

Welp, there it is. I didn't pick up any of the hints about what it would be, but it was pretty clear that Jon was missing something about what Nadine was saying, that there was something different about Nadine that Jon wouldn't think was normal.

Thanks Zelo! Hope you enjoy!

This is a really neat idea! I kind of love Jon experiencing the unfamiliarity while knowing that it shouldn't be unfamiliar!

For anyone wondering, this is why I always mentioned them taking their hand off the stone the moment they finish making a wish in this chain.

The in-universe reason is that after Karyn's first accidental wish they're scared of it, afraid that they'll say something stupid while touching it.

I love how you worked in the confirmation that everyone still sees him as a boy.

(Obviously for story reasons it has to be a USB device, since hardly anyone has the stuff to connect any of those other things. I'd just bump the year it was mailed up a bit probably 2002 since that's when the 4.0 story on CYOC was written.)

Out of curiosity I managed to track down the original story to see how it worked there and in that one the Chronivac is it's own independent device, no computer needed.

1999 is a bit early for a weird prototype device to have USB, it's far more likely to have an RS232 serial port, or if higher speed was needed a parallel port, or possibly it would have a custom ISA or PCI card. Windows 98 just barely had out of the box USB support, it was wonky and didn't include mass storage drivers.

Basically anyone working on a product in 1999 would still be trying to take into account machines that didn't have USB into account because it would be most of them, and even those that did only had 1 or 2 ports and the only thing that works plug and play are mice and keyboards, and only then if you have Windows 98. USB was still in the "exists but hasn't seen adoption yet" phase, everyone knew it was going to be important, but you couldn't assume people's computer's had it.

Firewire is also a possibility, but was much more common on Macs.

"I wish Jon was eating his favorite hair accessory" Somehow I doubt "eating" was the word you intended to use here.

Well yeah... but Karyn isn't thinking about them. The media has told her that all men like huge boobs, and the last week made... a very big impression on her. She'd have a hard time believing a straight guy that told her he likes flat chested women because to Karyn liked being into big boobs so much she would have trouble understanding not liking big boobs... even though at this point in the story she doesn't.

They're not pregnant because of Karyn's wish earlier, before the second change, it was worded such that it would apply no matter which way around they had sex that they could only get conceive together if they both consciously wanted to. Back in this chapter, before any sex, https://fictionbranches.net/fb/story/3729555 “I wish that Jon and I would not be fertile together unless we both consciously decide we want to be.”

Nope, I'm male and cis. I do pee with morning wood by leaning against the wall behind the toilet, mostly because it gets me an angle where I can aim down far enough without discomfort. Jon's reactions are based at least partly on imaging myself it his place.

Men and women are still physically different, hormone levels stay different after the change, so aside from having boobs men still have a mostly male body shape, aside from their pelvis. Men would still also have a lower healthy body fat %, and fat deposit patterns would still be different for men and women. So men wouldn't have quite as much curve, generally bulkier waists and so men's waist to hip ratio would still be different from women's on average. Remember, up until people turn 18ish at the youngest, mostly older, they develop as they would without the change, and post change men get boobs, and just skeletal changes to their hips, and even there probably not as much as one might expect. The top part doesn't really need to get wider, just the bottom to pass a baby's head.

Men still have much higher testosterone levels than women, with all the effects that has on psychology. Women still have much higher estrogen levels. The change causes what triggers breast development to change, and other things, probably it created new hormones to keep systems working in both men and women, I'm not a biologist so I don't know what would be needed to make this work.

I didn't go into more detail in the story because it was already WAY to info-dumpy, but yeah, any change to men's anatomy, imagine it's the least it can be to make pregnancy almost as reliable as it is for women. Probably men are more likely to need a C-section since they're more likely to not have room.

I very intentionally constructed to change such that gender identities would be able to remain since I thought anything that erased all separation would probably be a bit much for most people to handle, and well because I wanted them to remain.

I also think that even if there weren't easy ways to tell men and women apart anymore people would cling to their previous identity.

In other words, yes, effectively anyone over 25 is the same sex but gender identity would almost certainly remain, as would sexual orientation based on what sex people were born... or in some cases changed appearance to.

I guess you can read it that way. I did intend to be that she really is just super into boobs and isn't attracted to the rest of a woman's body, she's into Jon's body more than just his boobs.

Nope, I've read some of it a long time ago... but that's not where this came from.

The shift to one arousal or the other happens well before orgasm. The physical responses are different since they involve different body parts, and well it triggers different desires.

Female orgasms do actually last slightly longer than male ones on average, as measured by having people masturbate hooked up to machines. I don't recall the exact method, if it was measured with neural activity or based on how long the body kept doing the associated muscle contractions, but there was actually a study. Meaning that yes male and female orgasms are different.

In this world, no you can't have two different orgasms at once, because long before that your body would have picked a "mode".

@Hikaru It doesn't even have to be that... it might be that the best romantic match in terms of personality an interest is a guy... and I though I could have sworn I wrote it to only include women... going back to check I didn't. So it could match him with another guy and change them both. Or change their sexualities. Or give them transformation powers. Though technically the "satisfy each other" part should only kick in if they decide to start a relationship.

Nice!

Totally different idea of the "will both be able to satisfy each other" thing than what I had in mind. Love seeing your take.

At some point I'm going to write my planned take. Which was more they gain sort of powers based on the other persons deep fantasies/fetishes... which might change over time.

For reasons I don't really understand this is one of my favourite branches.

Thanks a lot. Glad to hear you're enjoying it.

Just a random side note, Zoe was supposed to mention noticing that Karyn was super into Jon's boobs at dinner... but I wrote the thing realised I hadn't included that and couldn't find a good way to insert it without disrupting the flow. It wasn't super important, just sort of Zoe teasing Jon.

Maybe at some point she'll have a chance to ask Karyn about that directly. That seems more interesting anyway, though I have no idea when a conversation between Zoe and Karyn might happen before the wish ends. Karyn's gotten off lightly when it comes to the consequences of the time limited wishes and some awkward conversations would be fitting.

Comments have only existed for like a year IIRC, two at the most.

I did mention that Jon's boobs are noticeably bigger than softballs right after the wish that brought them into existence, though I guess I've never given context for how big that looks on Jon. The intent is that yes they are notably large, though not out of proportion. That is they look bigger than Karyn's in addition to actually being bigger.

The main thing hiding Karyn's boobs is intended to be how she carries herself and her sweater obviously, my intention was that the sweater is very long, almost covering down to where a short miniskirt would end, and it's all fairly loose so if she hunched slightly it would very effectively hide her entire upper body's shape.

It's intentional, Bra size systems vary around the English speaking world and aren't exactly precise in any place they're used, a cup size doesn't actually tell you much. I'd rather just compare to some real world object, or just describe the character's experience.

Not even women really know what bra sizes mean, something like 60 to 80 percent of women are wearing the wrong size depending on which bra manufacturer's study you believe. Part of this is that people tend to think DD means massive melons, but it doesn't really.

Basically I at one point read up on bra sizes, found it's a stupid rabbit hole and using realistic sizes would give a lot of readers the wrong impression and I don't want to go with reader expectations and be wrong, so I just avoid mentioning bra sizes. I could justify it by the characters being wrong, but I prefer to avoid it.

So to Jon his boobs are massive and they are fairly large, but they feel a lot bigger to him, at least in terms of the weight and movement. Obviously he can see their actual size in the mirror and by feeling them in his hand, though they are substantially more than a handful, but his subjective experience of them is where I want to focus, that and Karyn's adaptation to being attracted to boobs, plus them transitioning from a platonic to a romantic and physical relationship.

I don't plan to write a shopping scene during the week, since Jon already owns bras and I'd expect him to be resistant to the idea.

On a side note, it had been a long time since I read the root of the story... re-read it and noticed there was a line about Jon not really being able to tell that Karyn's boobs had changed. So we got this chapter where Karyn has in fact been hiding how curvy she is. The idea is that, the root mentions them coming back from spring break, so Karyn filled out a fair bit over summer, hid under her sweater constantly, continued to fill out over the past several months up to spring break.

There were some wrong names in there, Lucy instead of Samantha... I'm not sure what was going on in the hand holding part at all. Also who is Jennifer?

This is one of my favourite old branches.

I really like this branch, it's the only one I can think of that made me want Jon to end up in a romantic relationship with someone other than Karyn!

I'm enjoying Steve's development as Abigail and I'm rooting for him to become a better person and end up with Jon.

I'm also curious about who has Karyn's name.

Also the branch gimmick is really cool and has so many places it can go.

Seems like there's some missing text in the second last paragraph, it just cuts off abruptly.

English fixes

"Even the glass on the windows were clean" should be "was clean"

"carved directly in an enormous block" would usually be phrased as "carved directly from a single enormous block"

"What do you think make this light?" I think should be "What do you think is making this light?" or "What do you think made this light?" not sure depends on what you want to convey.

"thing that make the magic." should be "thing that made the magic."

"I forgot you never played video games before" probably should be "you've never" or "you have never"

"he generally need the master" should be "needs"

"Had Karyn not called the wrong name at the beginning. She might have heard her in time, but she didn't." This is confusing, it's not clear who "she" refers to until you're half way through the second sentence. Maybe rephrase to use Emily/Jon's name in the first part. Maybe "Had Karyn not called the wrong name at the beginning Emily might have heard her in time, but she didn't." There's a couple other places where it's not obvious when you get to which person a pronoun is referring to, mainly because you most recently mention the other person by name then switch who you're talking about. It is easy to figure out but it's like a little speed bump as you read.

"already stepping in a giant spiderweb" should be "stepping into"

"thankfully brittle enough" not sure "brittle" is the right word for spider silk, it really only applies to things that don't give or stretch, like glass. I can't think of a suitable word to just drop in and replace it though, "weak" would fit but I don't think it would sound good... downplays the spider too much.

"He shouted as he ran" did you mean "She" it's the only time in this chapter you use a male pronoun for Emily/Jon.

"Are you mad?!" is a bit British English, and at least in my head Jon and Karyn are American and would more likely use "insane" rather than "mad". This one is fine as is, but as I said, Americans are more likely to use "insane", at least in current American English, it would be different 100 years ago.

More a question than a correction "thickening mist was present on her screen" should this be "mist wasn't present"?

Caught another typo! "She reported her attention" I guess you meant "returned" rather than "reported"

English fix: "sort out her feeling for a long" should be "feelings"

Caught a typo! "relly" should be "really"

English was pretty good in this chapter, just one little thing

"was able to take in my inventory" sounds a bit off, grammatically it's correct but I would have gone with "take into my inventory" or "put into my inventory".

"No. They have normal AIs." This one too. Consider either "No. They have the normal AI." or "No. They are normal AIs." I would say both of these are unambiguously correct.

English nitpick!

"Do they have advanced AIs?" the plural here depends on exactly what you mean, though I think in this case it should be singular since you're talking about the type of AI not an instance. Phrasing it as "Do they have advanced the AI?" makes it unambiguously not the plural.

"like them got advanced AIs, but" Same thing here, probably should be singular, consider adding "the".

"Advanced AI will be able to see the player" this one is also tricky, but should probably be plural, since you're talking about the instances of the AI... Maybe rephrasing as "An advanced AI would be able to see the player and interact with them" which removes the trickyness by changing the subject of the sentence to a single hypothetical instance.

(Another area this sort of trickyness shows up in English is code/codes for software source code. In my experience programmers/software engineers almost never pluralize "code" while scientist who program as part of their work in another field do, treating the word as referring to a program as a whole, where programmers view is that it's a collective noun. So basically don't take my version as the absolute truth above, other native speakers might disagree with me. Consider rephrasing to avoid the debatable instances if you don't want to think about it too much.)

Just two little fixes!

"Alchemy and skin care product?" should be "Alchemy and skin care products?"

"I have more standard potion too." should be "I have more standard potions too."

Just want to add in that I'm enjoying this storyline! I'm only posting the English corrections because you say on your profile that you're open to it and I like what you're doing!

English fixes!

"You're pretty good with kid." should be "You're pretty good with kids."

"She had stopped laughing while she talked to Lyla." This one isn't wrong at all, but consider replacing at least one, probably both, of the "she's" with a name, it's confusing since it's not obvious when you get to the word which of the 3 possible characters it means.

"the mastery you gain with this type of weapon and the more proficient Emily will be at wielding it" seems to me that it should be "the more mastery you gain with a type of weapon the more proficient Emily will be at wielding it"

More English fixes!

"other tutorial before and" should read "earlier tutorials and"

"any better idea." should be "any better ideas."

More English help!

"after some time passed or after you did something." should read "after some time has passed or after you do something."

"was still even more crowded" should be either "was even more crowded" or "was still more crowded", though the second one is better used as a comparison to some thing that comes next in the sentence. That is something like "was still more crowded than earlier", but this structure doesn't really fit in with the rest of the sentence.

"don't take any risk." while what's there isn't actually wrong, it would be more usual to say "risks" here. Explaining why is hard and I'm not sure how to do it.

"go in this alley" should probably be phrased as "go down that alley"

More little fixes

"what other thought" should be "what others thought"

"trying to calm her nerve and" should be "trying to calm her nerves and"

"her, giving her one question," not exactly wrong but would probably be better as "her, allowing her one question," or "her, allowing her to ask one question,"

"a lot of reaction," should be "a lot of reactions,"

More little English corrections!

"protagonist if it did" probably should replace "it" with either "he" or "they" and change later in the sentence to match.

"studying Incas." should read "studying the Inca."

"searched about Incas" again, "the Inca"

More grammar!

"Emily want to buy" should be "Emily wants to buy"

"equipments" should be "equipment"

More English nitpicks!

"habitants" should be "inhabitants"

"middle age" should be "Middle Ages"

"no dirty spot," should be "no dirty spots,"

"How is there so many tutorial in a game?" should be "How are there so many tutorials in this game?"

"isn't too much people" should be "aren't too many people"

"diverse clothings." should be "diverse clothing."

"Those are the only" should be ""These are the only"

"but she suddenly noticed something." this is a matter of preference or taste, but I think it would be better to just say "but she noticed something." You don't need to intensify here.

Little corrections:

"how many effect an item" "effect" should be plural

"house they came from" not really wrong but consider "house they'd come from"

"empty of lives but" I'm not sure what's intended, but consider just removing "of lives", here "empty" would be clear from context that it's not actually totally empty, just no people.

"sleep on it" means have a think about something for a while, I'm not sure that's what you intended here.

"who travel with only" should read "who travels with only"

"What? No! Why are you asking that?" nothing actually wrong here, but would be more natural for Jon to phrase it as "What? No! Why would you ask that?"

"the games I'm" probably should just be one "game" here.

"supposed to be enjoying is doing that." would be more natural as "supposed to be enjoying would do that."

"But I don't think you would be so careful as to write your wish to finally not read part of it..." Is a bit weird, "But I don't think you would be so careful as to write your wish and so careless as to not read part of it..." would be a little better... I'm not really sure how best to phrase this.

"be a lot of longer road than that" is not grammatically correct, maybe "be a lot of much longer roads than that later"

"well get the furthest possible" should read "well get as far as possible"

Little corrections!

"Green eyes now adorned her face," "adorned" is probably the wrong word. It has connotations of something being added on for decoration, not being part of something. I can't think of a good word to put in there, probably better to rephrase. Something like "Her eyes were now green rather than brown, though they didn't look any more magical".

"homeworks"/"homework" again

"Their meaning have already" should be "Their meaning has already"

Little corrections:

"Information" and "homework" both don't pluralize, they already refer to a collection, so in every case "homeworks" should be "homework" and "informations" should be "information".

Past tense of "to leave" is "left" not "leaved"

"but there were no habitations nearby" is grammatically fine... but sounds weird. "houses" would improve it. Probably best to rephrase, drop "but" just say that there wasn't anything nearby, Probably in it's own sentence rather than being joined onto the one about the yard and road.

Caught more little errors!

typo: bas should be bad

"how his equipments gave him" "equipment" doesn't pluralize, it's a collective noun.

"have to buy a new one" "panties" is always acts as a plural, even when talking about one piece of clothing, so this should be "have to buy new ones"

"He arrived in a large piece more" I don't know what you intended here, maybe "place" instead of "piece" but maybe "room" would be better?

Just a note: caught some errors

"Wait! The game answer you when you ask a question?" should probably be "Wait! The game answered you when you asked it a question?" there are a few other ways to phrase it but I think that's the smallest change that is correct.

"While you were distracted, you didn't answer one of my question", "question" should be plural.

"I out of the game." should read "I'm out of the game.", though correct, that still sounds weird to me, "I'm not in the game" sounds better to me.

"reached into the wardrobe and picked the garments..." is missing an "up" ("picked up the")

"didacticial" isn't a word I'm familiar with and I'm not sure what was intended, "dialog" maybe?

"sweared" past tense of "to swear" is "swore"

"should have started by something else" should read "should have started with something else"

"closed his eyes a second to" is not wrong but would more often be phrased "closed his eyes for a second to"

Slight necropost but I'd like to see someone else take off the 'Something interesting with Larynx there' root https://fictionbranches.net/fb/story/297761

It's just Something Interesting but Jon tacks on a second wish for Karin to have been in the room long enough to hear the wish for something interesting to happen

Also I like seeing what someone else would do with literally anything I've added.

Something I noticed I did accidentally in this branch, Karyn used possessives to talk about what is now her penis way sooner than Jon did the same about his vagina, I've leaned into that since I noticed, basically Karyn is supposed to be not entirely aware, but she doesn't want to go back, she likes having a dick and feeling like shes in the dominant position sexuallly. She's even liking being into boobs. Also after a little while she'll realize she just likes the way it feels to have a dick and balls down there even when she's not aroused.

(Random note: Jon's old/Karyn's current penis is in the 95th percentile of girth an 98th of length! It big!)

If I never get back to this one thing I was thinking they might do is each in turn spends like 5 minutes as a "version of their body that is as physically attractive as possible to the other". While changed Karyn would get slightly bigger boobs, wider hips, a bit more butt, a bit more curve in general and her skin would be a bit nicer and it would try to put her hair back to red, fail, and settle on strawberry blonde. Jon would get slightly broader shoulders, a bit more muscle definition on his arms and legs, nicer skin too, and MASSIVE boobs, like bigger than his head, basketballs, and maybe he would also get hips and butt. Karyn would be very embarrassed by her new preference for huge boobs.

Alternatively they might have a conversation about undoing Karyn's mistake wish, Karyn would bring up that she doesn't want to end up with smaller boobs than Jon... and she doesn't really want to make his any smaller, also internal monologue from her with conflicted feelings about boobs, the annoyances of having big ones and the fact that she is now very into them. Being a horny late teen this would be a big deal, much tension! (She'd feel "un-womaned" if his boobs were bigger!)

I wrote one https://fictionbranches.net/fb/story/455197 there's other stuff but he does grow boobs.

And there's also this one https://fictionbranches.net/fb/story/21686

thun I don't think there's any rule against writing multiple paths, and multiple paths is kinda part of the point of the site. It's not like anything is being used up.

Wrong word in there, "expectable" should be "acceptable"

There's a "bar" that should be "bra".

I've been enjoying this branch a lot, I'm curious what's going to happen when Jon meets back up with Karyn...

I just want to clarify something about how other people react to the change, in that they will have one! people will notice that things have changed. They won't think it's too strange, but say a close male friend of Jon's might ask him what having boobs is like, or if he saw Jon getting changed for gym and realised Jon has a vagina might even ask him about that if he felt like it wouldn't be too awkward a thing to do.

Your image didn't work, you should really try the preview before submitting.

Great stuff!

Good stuff though! I haven't written any further because I have no confience in my ability to write... well exactly what you're writing!

Just a note about my intent when writing the earlier stuff, I intended that men have boobs through the entire cycle just like women. You can do whatever you like though.

Somehow I had never gone down this branch, but I'm loving it. I'm always up for Karyn/Jon.

B I think...

She took off the shirt? What does THAT do?

I REALLY enjoyed this branch, twice now.

Maybe add hits/views/upvotes counts to the author profile page chapter listing so that you can see the hit count without incrementing it and see how your chapters are received without looking at all of them.

Nitpick on the first paragraph, "But this time he’d gone through with it, for sure!" Should probably read "But this time he’d have gone through with it, for sure!"

Why does becoming a Tsundere make Karyn Jon's sister? I'm not seeing the connection between those...

Also a simple limit on how wide the text can be, for readability you don't really want lines of text to average more than about 80-100 characters IIRC or your eyes have touble landing in the right place when you go down a line.

I often find myself resizing my browser window when looking at FB just so the lines of text are shorter.

Oh and maybe a "Watch Branch" thing where if a branch gets a new child it notifies you, like you can have it do for branches you wrote.

A recently upvoted list, sorted by something like "frecency" of upvotes combined with distance from story root and age, maybe with boost to leaves...

The idea being that if someone ends up at an old dead end branch from the root and upvotes it, it gets some visibility somewhere to hopefully spark an idea in someone else to pick it up.

DAWWWWW

Yay! More of this excellent branch!

Why hasn't Jon even tried to wish to know what's going on yet?

You switch from past tense to present, best to stick to one.

According to the rules of the stone "Changes made will be as if it has always been so" which means that Karyn's bra's would fit her new chest.

What's Karyn getting back a Jon for? She made the wish that gave her big boobs and blonde hair, it's not Jon's fault she forgot she was holding the stone.