Biff pushed herself from the deck, slightly dazed. This had to be a bad dream.
"What in the hell was that!?" Harker yelled, clambering from smoldering debris. He had a nasty gash above his left eye and some burns on his chest.
Biff frowned, the corners of her mouth turning into little dimples. "I'd say it was a plasma blast," Biff said, climbing unsteadily to her feet and crossing her arms across her more than ample naked breasts. She contemplated trying to knock the dazed Harker out, but right at the moment that may be a bit hasty. Besides Biff Gamma's body could take a hell of battering and Harker clutched the control box quite firmly.
"Plasma? Like from a blaster cannon?" Harker asked.
Biff realised that even though Harker held the control box, she was still the captain of her ship and Harker knew nothing about space combat. "You're a fucking genius! Get the defense computers on line! The command is "Biff Omega". I'm going to the cockpit... do you know how to use a gunnery station?" she asked turning on her heel and heading off towards the cockpit, hoping against hope that the mad Harker would not choose now to molest her as he seemed so intent.
"Gunnery station?" Harker yelled at the retreating figure of the woman. Harker was mildy interested in the way her buttocks moved as she ran. He'd have to make her run like that again.
"Top of the ship. Just get in and shoot at anything that is shooting at us!" The ship was rocked by another cannon blast. "Biff Omega! It only recognises your voice dammit!" Biff yelled. She hated the way her voice sounded so high pitched and hysterical. She hated running naked through these cold metal corridors. It could have been the way the ship was rocking but she swore she was running all ungainly, breasts flying all over the place with each stride, legs all wobbly and flabby... naturally she was running like a girl.
She careened around a corner. This would be the most ignoble way for a hero of Biff Gamma's stature to die. But she would succeed. Biff always won... Jake snorted in the back of her mind "just like none of Biff's friends ever died. And Just like there is never a single naked woman in any of Biff Gamma's adventures."
"Right... Biff omega." Harker said. He looked about stupidly then started up a ladder.
Biff ran into the cockpit and sat down at the console. She looked out the window to see the familiar ugly hulk that was Black Bart's Meek Gallion. It had layers of calcified burns on it's hull and large scraggly plates of armour welded haphazardly over blaster holes that looked like giant rotten fish scales. She felt a tremble of fear in her stomach. Black Bart killed men... but what he did to woman was unmentionable... "at least it had been until now" Jake reminded herself from the recesses of Biff's mind.
Biff fired up the engines. One was out but it didn't matter. The Bart fired. Biff could see the blueish purple plasma blast coming straight at her. "Oh fuck!" She lowered the hand brake, pushed it into drive and let the burners blast full throttle. She felt her body compress into her shagpile seat a her ship accelerated. The fluffy dice that hung from the rear view screen were at right angles to gravity. Little black dots appeared in her vision. She could feel her breasts increase exponentially in weight as they crushed her lungs. She
"Let me show you a move I learnt from the Dukes of Hazard," Jake muttered with a strangled gasp.
She turned the wheel hard to the right, pulled on the handbrake and pushed the throttle all the way too the max. The ship screamed as it did a 180 degree boot leg on a dime. As Black Bart's ship came around into view Biff let the handbrake drop and her ship fishtailed in a rooster tail of black smoke as it accelerted straight towards Black Bart's hulk.
"Hey, Queke...? isn't that the ship you came in on?" Rodger asked, pointing out through the view screen.
Queke turned from her computer screen and walked over to the window. "Oh my god. It is too."
Then a body floated in front of their window. Eyes popping, a frozen scream on it's face. "Gross. Do you know who that is?" Rodger asked.
Queke paled. "Yes," she whispered as her old body did a majestic barrel roll in front of them then bounced audibly off the window.
"Sorry. Was it a friend?" Rodger asked.
"Sorta." Quekes looked at the face. Her old face. Dead. "I guess it probably was... That's my body." She wondered who had been in it. Probably Bella judging by what the others had said so far.
"Ohhh. Well that's Harker for you," Carmen said.
Queke dropped to the ground and started to cry uncontrollably.
"Niceley done Carmen. Think like a girl would you! You haven't just permanently lost your body!"
"Sorry," Carmen said. "I don't know why, I just say arsehole things sometimes!"
"Thanks a lot!" Zane said. "It's like my body made you say that?" Zane sniped pettily with a toss of her red hair.
"Guys. Cut it out. This is getting us nowhere," Rodger said as he crouched down to place a reassuring hand on Quekes shoulder. He squeezed gently and she wiped her nose on her hand then placed her hand on his. Rodger smiled and shook his head slightly, realising that her hand was wet.
Sensing that some quiet was needed the others wandered over to the other side of the room to watch the space battle, naming each of the classic manouvres as they saw them.
"Bo's bootleg." Zane commented.
"Wow Luke's flaming arrow manouvre." Nancy commented.
"Ooooooh. Uncle Bens Moonshine." Carmen said.
"Eunice's bluff."
Meanwhile Rodger had sunk down to his knees and was holding Queke in his arms, comforting her in a brotherly manner.
**** *
"I have you right where I want you Biff Gamma!" Black Bart crowed as he fired a round of plasma blasts at Biff's sleek cruiser. The Sheilds flared. Then dimmed out. The metal hull was smashed and melted by the deluge. The engines were hit and then the ship stopped.
Black Bart fired off his grapples and then pulled the ship in like so much scrap metal.
