So far, the night had offered an unexpected degree of optimism, but solitude quickly erodes the frail stilts that had been propping up Jon's hope. In the silence of her unlit room, lying on her back watching the ceiling fan spin, Jon was afraid. The fan rhythmically creaked as it spun, and Jon huffed in annoyance. She rolled over to her side, and her breasts slumped over with her. She grimaced, how annoying. She continued to roll onto her belly, and buried her face in a pillow. Things were... squishy, but not necessarily uncomfortable. But then again, it wasn't so much about "comfort" as it was about being reminded of this body that had become her cage. It was about being reminded of a room that was no longer hers. It was about being reminded of how differently her mother, and sister, and even Karen treated her! She imagined just plopping off her boobs and putting them in the top drawer of the dresser, never to fuss with them again. She imagined chopping off her hair with comically sized sheers. She imagined teasing, and joking, and laughing with her mom and sister again.
She clinched her pillow tightly in her hands, and a shudder washed over her body. Her breath was tight and ragged, and a deep ache welled up from within her soul. She lifted her head and wiped her puffy eyes. Tears? She was crying? She wasn't one to cry. Or, maybe, he wasn't one to cry. But these tears had snuck up on her, and now that they were here, she wasn't sure what to do with them. She buried her face in the pillow, as if to stem the flow of both tears and emotions, but it didn't work. If anything, it only made things worse. Now that she had acknowledged her tears, they had only become stronger. Her shoulders shook, her breath was ragged, and she cried. She felt her world cave in on itself. She wasn't sure what she had wanted to do with her life. No one is really sure at her age, but at least she had an idea a week ago. She had goals, and direction, and expectations. But now? There was nothing. She felt like she was tumbling out of control, and claustrophobic at the same time. Like she was locked in a tiny chest floating in a raging sea.
The implications of this new life fell upon her like a torrential rain. A week ago she had the stone, and the world was her oyster. But now? She wasn't even sure if she had the same choices as she did when she was Jon! Was college still an option with her grades? She had wanted to be a computer tech. Was that still an option? She didn't even have a computer in this reality! And what about friends? She had played the part of Allison well enough to hang out with Allisons friends, but what about Jons friends? Did they even know Allison? And worse, how could she date someone in this body? Did she even want to date? She certainly didn't want to be lonely. But what would she do? Become a lesbian? She scoffed. She certainly wouldn't date a guy. A flash passed through her mind of her barefoot and pregnant merrily prancing through a kitchen Stepford wife style. She shook the thought from her mind. That was the last thing she wanted, least of all being pregnant. A knot caught in her throat. But if that test was right... She already was...
Her fear and sorrow welled up until she didn't have the will to carry it any longer. Her exhaustion brought sleep, and sleep brought some degree of comfort, but the doubts still loomed over her mind.
