Sarah laughed...then the world...went twisty and wild. Sarah said "Huh?" before fading out...and suddenly they were back outside the house again
WHAT...THE FUCK...WAS GOING ON???
Karyn snarled, and pounded on the door of Sarahs house. As Karyn pounded, Sarahs' house actually seemed to shudder, shifting as they watched...solar panels appearing on the roof...proper, modern windows...landscapeing in harmony with the natural features surrounding the home...a Greenpeace flag fluttering from the flagpole...a pair of electric cars AND a bicycle rack...it was a hippies vision of a perfect 'Green' home. Jon gasped, then smiled. Karyn recoiled as if it had become Castle Dracula.
The door opened, and there stood Sarahs mother, no longer the grasping, artificial woman Jon and Karyn expected, but a vision of simple beauty. Her hair was long, brown and straight. Her body toned and healthy from a life devoted to Yoga, passive Tai-Chi and Veganism. Her smile was welcoming and open. Her eyes half-lidded and stoned-looking. The house smelled of plants, incense and pot-smoke. "Oh, hey kids...like, Goddess be with you, dudes. Like...what kin Rainbow Skye do for you?"
Karyn looked confused, then asked "Uh...Rainbow Skye?"
The obvious Hippy chick smiled, and sing-sang "Oh, like WOW, man...I TOTALLY turned my back on 'The Man' when I was just a girl...turned in, turned on and dropped out, y'know. That's my name, dudes. Rainbow Sky, like...welcomes you to her home, like...in the name of th' Goddess an' all th' good karma in the universe. Enter, travelers...would you like something to eat? My life partner's makin' some tofu stir fry an' fresh veggies. How 'bout a bong hit? Maybe some literature about th' Communist Manifesto? Oh, wait...you mus' be here for my daughter, right? Like, I'll call for her. Sunshine Skye? Sunshine, some of your friends are here."
Sarah appeared...and both Karyn and Jon gasped in shock. As natural and unartificial as her mother, Sarah positively glowed with innerhealth and peaceful vitality. Her shining hair was clean, as utterly devoid of dyes or haircare products as her face was of cosmetics. She wore an eco-friendly hemp t-shirt with a peace sign on it, old bellbottom jeans and sandals. She said "Like, thanks Rainbow. I'll take them to my room. Freedom says that dinners almost ready, by the way."
"Oh, like...wow, man...that sounds so awesome, Sunshine. Like, join us soon..."
After her mother left (floated?) the room, Sarah...or Sunshine...hissed at them "Very, like...fuckin' funny, bitch. How did you do THIS to me? Is THIS your revenge? My folks are, like...th' most totally over th' top Hippies you ever laid eyes on. My moms become a yoga instructor, when she's not running her combination used books and candle store. Dads' a professor of 'Wymin's Studies' at th' collage an'...an'...is this your revenge?"
Karyn rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette, saying "How the fuck could we have done this, bimbo? YOU'VE got the fucking wishing stone!"
Sarah - or rather Sunshine - looked at her hands, her nails unpainted and rough. She said quietly "I...uh, I mean...I do? I...uh, dude...I don't know if I do. I mean...what? It's, like...it's gettin' hard t' member what I used to be, man...I mean...like, I know I'm Sunshine Daydream an' all, an' I volunteer at th' Animal Shelter an' work fer PETA an' all...but I used t' be different an' stuff...like, y'know?"
"Listen to me carefully, Sarah. Where is the Wishing Stone? You HAVE to remember!"
Sunshine Skye blinked, shook her head...and sang out "Like, what stone, man? I mean, we're all stones in th' garden of the Earth, y'know?"
Jon was amazed at just how natural and pleasant Sunshine was, and as the girls eyes lost their focus again, becoming the eyes of a saint looking on the universe with total understanding, and she smiled and said "Like, sister...you really need t', y'know...turn your back on all those harsh cosmetics, red meat an' guns an' stuff, an' join with th' Earth Mother, y'know? I mean, like...totally..." before Karyn grabbed Jons arm and led him outside.
She went to her huge SUV and sat in the drivers seat for awhile, just thinking. She smoked the whole time, lighting another cigarette with the glowing tip of the first. Jon asked "So...now what, Karyn?"
Karyn looked at him, her eyes going soft. "I...remember what I used to be, Jon. It's almost all gone, but I remember...and worst of all, I'm absolutely, totally and completely in love with you. That stupid fucking peace-freak made me this way...and I love it. I LOVE it, Jon...but I love you too. I want to be with you forever...but I can't stand you...or any of your opinions. That's how evil that hippie bitch was...she made me something you can't stand, and that can't stand you...but she left our love in tact. I love you...and hate you...and...I need a hug, okay?"
She looked at him, the planes and shape of her face looking almost exactly like Sarah Palin now. Was...she getting older? Was that possible? She looked like Sarah Palin in her 30's now...and he noticed that her voice had changed, becoming exactly like Sarah Palins nasal drone. But behind all that...was that same old Karyn. He could see her looking out of her Palin mask, her eyes looking haunted, lost and confused. She seemed to understand just how she'd changed, but not able to avoid those changes. Just what had Sarah wished? Was Sarahs new condition a result of her own wishes? An effect of Karyns? Did someone else have the stone, and had they done that to Sarah? Or was it possible that Sarah was acting, and that she still had the stone? It didn't seem as if Sarah had been acting...
Karyn started up the SUV, cigarette pursed between her lips. She drove off, the radio coming on again and the self-satisfied voice of Rush Limbaugh bubbled through the speakers, as he gloated "...and we can thank the solid, Republican leadership of Carol Merlin for such economic prosperity, my friends. That lady has done so much to better the world, in this...her fourth term of office. One can only hope that her next four are just as glorious..."
Carol Merlin? His mother? The President?
"...I mean, just think of the fine things she's done for America? Abolishing all gun laws, and allowing Americans total freedom to defend themselves..."
The gun rack in the back of the SUV shifted, now holding dozens of fully automatic weapons and boxes of explosive, armor-piercing bullets.
"...an end to the tyranny of the EPA and all that rubbish, and freeing up business from all those unreasonable restrictions..."
They both saw the world around them changing, becoming darker and dirtier. They sky became a muddy, smog-choked brown through which the setting sun glared like a demons eye. The air tasted like gasoline and tar.
"...and returning America to it's founding principles via the reintroduction of slavery, not by race but along economic lines..."
They saw a sign that showed a starving family. The caption read "Hungry? Homeless? Broke? Sign up for Slavery, and recieve Food! Shelter! Self-respect!" Jon was certain that nobody missed the irony of the family in the photo being black.
"...not to mention helping our local friends, through the peaceful annexation of Canada, Mexico and Cuba. After the defeat of the mongrel quasi-states of the Middle East and Africa, and the abolishment of niggling, gutter religions like Islam and Judaism, we have all the oil we could ever need..."
They drove past a gas station, and the only cars that were in line were glistening, American made SUVs, Pick-Ups and Hummers...lining up to buy gasoline. Gun Stores...Liquor Stores...Discount Cigarettes...and giant television screens showing FOX news were everywhere. Jon was horrified, but Karyn was unable to help herself. She moaned "My dear G-...it's so beautiful."
"...too bad her son's such a milksop, but maybe now that Carols married him off to her Vice President, he'll straighten up. Congradulations to Sarah Palin and the new Mister Palin."
Jon Palin - for that was his name now - looked with horror at his finger, upon which a wedding ring had appeared. Then at Sarah...
Because that's who she was now. No trace of the old Karyn remained in her face, body or anything except for her eyes. Instead...Sarah Palin - 47 years old, Alaska-born Vice President and proud of it - looked back at him. She looked shocked, then smiled at him...and leaned in to kiss him. He didn't resist...he felt numb. On one of the giant television screens, he saw his mother...looking like an 80's era Barbara Bush, with her silver hair, red suit, Flag lapel pin and string of pearls, her face the face of a motherly old tyrant. She talking too the FOX News rep about something, and behind her stood Michelle Obama...looking rotund and jolly as Aunt Jemima, her hair wrapped in a kerchief and her big body squeezed into a maids dress. The reporter asked her a question, and she sang out "Mammy Michelle jus' luves workin' fo' de Merlins! My husban' Barry be de butler, an' my babies gonns be pleased as punch t' folla in dey Mammys footsteps! Praise de' Lordy!"
Jon wanted to scream. To leap out of the SUV and run off a cliff...but Sarah Palin took him in her arms and hugged him, saying "Shhhh, Jon. I know...it'll take some getting used to...but your mother and I are fixing the world. We're making it a better, safer place. It's all for the best..."
She was Sarah Palin. He was Jon Palin. He knew it wasn't true...but he also knew he could no longer remember what her old name was. He shuddered...his eyes rolled back...and he fainted.
He woke in their bedroom in the White House...his wife Sarah dressed in a night gown and laying next to him, her glasses still on, a cigarette in her right hand. The book was 'The Merlin Mystique : How One Woman Rebuilt America From The Ground Up' by Michelle Malkin. He groaned and rolled over, his head pounding...his mouth as dry as sawdust. Sarah Palin leaned over and kissed him, and he felt a little better. After all, while they shared no common beliefs on ANYTHING, at least she genuinely loved him. He kissed her back, and said "I had the strangest dream, honey."
Sarah kissed him again, and she straddled him with her body. He didn't resist, knowing that Sarah was the one in charge. The loving was good, and when she was done...he cuddled her, she stroking his hair and saying "All those bad dreams gone?"
He looked into her eyes...he said yes. Later, when Mammy Michelle bustled into the room to get him a fresh glass on water and set a plate of cookies on his table, he smiled and thanked the woman. She'd worked for the White House all his life (he'd been born here, durring his moms first term) and her jolly, good nature had always been a comfort to him...hadn't it?
He fell asleep in his wifes arms, feeling both at home...and out of place. Something was wrong, he thought. Oh, well...maybe tomorrow will be better...
