(I didn't intend to add another episode, but this came to me a couple of hours ago. What do you think? By-the-way, I'm voting for Obama - who I've been impressed with since 2003 when I first heard him speak - but while doing research for this post, I've come to the conclusion that yes...Sara Palin IS quite the saucy MILF ;>)
The lights from a strange vehicle flashed in the driveway, and Jon peeked out his window to see a mammoth SUV - a real gas-guzzling monster - pulling up in front of his house. The girl - no, it wasn't a girl. It was clearly an adult woman - stepped out of the vehicle and clacked up to the front door in conservative 2-inch heels. She looked like a total stranger, and he didn't even consider that it was one of his mothers friends. He knew most of them, so he assumed she was either a co-worker or perhaps just someone canvassing for the upcoming election.
"Probably Republican..." he muttered, thinking about her vehicle. "...what other type would waste fossil fuels just to drive herself around?"
He turned back to his computer and continued to work out a list of people Sarah knew and places she hungout. If he made a proper search grid and coordinated with Karyn...
The doorbell rang, and his mother was soon calling out "Jon, it's Karyn! Get her out of my hair, will you?"
That made no sense. Karyn and Jon's mom got along like sisters. Jon glanced out the window again. No other vehicles were present aside for the SUV. He squinted at the front bumper, and made out "Pro-God! Pro-Gun! Anti-Obama!" and "Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition!" bumper stickers.
Confused, he went to his door and overheard his mother and the woman arguing like a pair of guests on Hard Ball.
"How dare you say that about Barack Obama! He's a wonderful man, with a tax plan that'll rescue the middle class!"
The woman sneered and drawled in an oddly familliar nasal twang "Carol, you just don't get it, do you? All you old time leftists think you can solve all your problems by prying the money from honest, hardworking men like Dick Chaney? It's people like you that drove Enron into bankruptcy, you know that?"
"WHAT?" screamed Carol Merlin, and she looked like she was going to slap the woman...well, girl rather. From this distance he could see she was dressed in a...she was...oh, good grief!
The woman, her immaculate red, 3-piece power suit, rimless glasses, updo and makeup all different...but the blonde hair, the large breasts...the face...
"Karyn?" he squeaked, and the girl looked up at him.
She smiled, then said "I'd better come up, before your poor mother has an acid flashback and hallucinates she's back at Woodstock or whatever. Sad, deluded Liberals can't accept even obvious truths without falling back on empty threats. I'm not like the American flags you lefties are always burning at your Gay Rights rallies. Take a swing, and I'll fight back. Take your best shot, honey. Go on. slap me once, and I'll knock you on your ass." With a dry, cold chuckle that would have done Donald Rumsfeld proud, she stepped confidently past Carol Merlin and strutted to Jon's side. In full view of his mother, Karyn kissed him on the cheek and said "I'm so glad to have you as a friend, Jon. Now, let's go to your room and talk, huh?"
Carol Merlin looked up at Jon and hissed, biting each word off as she said them "You...get...that...SHE-NAZI...out...of...my...house!"
"But...she's my friend..." he muttered weakly, and Carol turned away and slammed the kitchen door. He could hear her raging and cursing in there, obviously taking out on the air what she didn't say to Karyn.
Jon went to his room, and saw Karyn...his oldest and dearest friend...looking around the room like it was a toxic waste dump. She saw him enter, flipped open a gold cigarette case and lit one up, drawing the smoke deep and feathering it from her nose like she'd been doing it for years.
"What did Sarah do to you, Karyn? You're acting like..."
Karyn smiled, drew in again, then said in her Sara Palin voice "Oh, Jon...don't be so naive. On the drive over here I realized that Sarah didn't CHANGE me, she just let the real me shine through. I feel wonderful, Jon! I feel...like a whole, new person! I feel just as fine and confidant as George W must have when he first stepped into the White House, and before the Jewish-Liberal attack dogs in the press could start ruining the man."
"George W. Bush is a canker on the gum-line of this country." Jon said matter-of-fact-ly. Karyn looked him in the eye, and his balls turned to ice-water. It wasn't just that she clearly believed everything she was saying. It was the cold, strangeness of those eyes. This was his old friend Karyn in name and body only. Inside, she was a stranger.
She smiled at him again, then glanced at the work he'd been doing on the computer. She laughed, and sneered "Wow, you little anti-Bush, anti-Republican turdlets do love to make lists, don't you? Look at this garbage, Jon! Look at it! You don't have any understanding of the situation, do you? This crazy girl - whose mother is a solid Republican, but never goes to church - has a magic stone that can re-write reality itself...and you want to waste time poking around the Video Arcade and the Malt Shoppe like you were hunting Archie and Jughead! I swear, all that pot smoke must have pickled your brain, Jon..."
"I don't smoke pot." he snapped, and she smiled at him, the smile of a girl who didn't have time for your shit, but was bound and determined to put up with it for your own good.
"Let's not get off message, Jonny. I didn't come here to talk about what drugs you and your tree-hugging friends use..."
"But I don't..."
"...I came here to help you take care of Sarah. And that's just what we're going to do. Now, where does Sarah live?"
"1310 Wilmington Lane. Why?"
Karyn chuckled, then said "Well, since that's where she lives...and since she won't do anything to you till you've had a while to wallow in the...chuckle...horror of my own changes...I say we wait outside her house...and kill her when she comes home."
As she said this, she drew the gun from her purse and held it casually in her right hand.
"I can't do it, because I already tried. She wished that I couldn't hurt her. She specifically said that, so we can assume that she didn't wish that NOBODY could hurt her. So, I'm going to show you how to aim and fire this..."
"No."
Karyn stopped talking, then asked "What did you say, Jon?"
"I said no, Karyn. She's evil...but I won't be party to murder. It's wrong."
Karyn was suddenly cursing that she ever considered this screw-up her friend. A lifetime of little favors and shared experiences were baked away by the white hot blast-furnace of her new personality.
"It's wrong? Did you just say "It's WRONG", Mister piece and love? There are soldiers DYING IN IRAQ RIGHT NOW to bring freedom to those ungrateful towel-heads and THAT'S WRONG! There are One-Hundred-thousand dead Americans in the ruins of the World Trade Center, and THAT'S WRONG! KILLING THAT BITCH SARAH ISN'T 'WRONG', JON! It's pest control!"
She advanced on Jon, her eyes flashing with an inner fire like a crazy televangelist (in other words, like any televangelist) and she waved her left hand about while holding her cigarette still in her right. The effect was unnerving, like she was an Old Testament prophet conjuring fire and brimstone. He was so taken aback that he didn't dare tell her that her facts and figures were off.
"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death! That's from the Book of Revelation, Jon! That's the WORD OF GOD ALMIGHTY! And do you KNOW WHO SHALL SUFFER THAT SECOND DEATH? It's shall be SARAH MCMILLAN, JON! For the Lord has handed this problem to us, and we must not falter, Jon! We MUST NOT FALTER!!!"
She suddenly started to unbutton her suit, tossing it aside and removing her top, exposing those gigantic breasts she now had to wear an under-wire bra to support.
"Wh-what are you doing?" he mumbled, as she tossed the suit aside. As Sarah had made her a walking-talking parody of all the darker aspects of the Conservative, Republican Christian Right...and as such - just like most all politicians and religious leaders who rallied against loose morals - Karyn was now very highly sexed. She unhooked her bra, and her hands hefted her boobs, shaking them as she preached at him.
"Oh, I feel the spirit inside me, Jon! I know...it's wrong, but we in the Right are so often tested that our mistakes can be forgiven! This would be a sin if YOU asked it, but I'll be forgiven! Make love to me, Jon! I WANT you INSIDE ME! I NEED YOU to make me yours! Take my sacred, stainless, lily-white body and do what your perverse nature commands you to do!"
It was bizarre, and Jon didn't immediately move to her. The change in personality and her new speech patterns, accent and voice still made her seem like a stranger. But on look into her eyes...and he could see the old Karyn looking out at him. Karyn, fighting as best she could, taking advantage of her new personality's conflicting opinions and ideals to get through to him. Trying to tell him she was still inside. Still fighting...
He reached for her, and she grabbed him, throwing him onto the bed. Then she stood over him, snarling "I'm on top, Jew-Lover! You'd better get used to it, because we Republicans are going to stomp you into the ground on Election day!"
She leapt at him, and the next few hours were spent making noises that Carol Merlin could clearly hear downstairs. She wanted to go up and say something...but Jon had his own life to lead. If he wanted to sleep with that crazy Bushie that was his business...
Then she heard Karyn yelling "Say it! SAY IT! Palin for President! PALIN FOR PRESIDENT! PALIN FOR PRESIDENT!"
When she heard her son repeating this chant, she decided she'd had enough. She grabbed her purse and went for a drive. She glared at Karyn's gas-guzzling resource hog, saw the "Abortion leaves one Dead and one Wounded!" bumper sticker and had to resist the urge to key the bitch. She drove off, wondering how her son could stand that girl.
Afterwards, she and Jon lay in bed, she smoking and pointedly ignoring the little fake coughs he made. She'd slept with him...had sex with him...and it was WONDERFUL! It was such a dirty thrill to lower herself to this Baby-Murdering, Obama-Loving Left-Wingers level. Granted, she'd not let him have her vagina - because in her legalistic, pedantic way she considered that to be sacred till she was married - but she'd given him her Black Cherry three times (anal sex between two men was a sin, but between a man and a woman) and she'd sucked him off twice (after the anal sex, his cock had tasted vaguely of her own ass but she couldn't care. It had been such a raw and nasty thrill!) and she pressed her breasts around his cock and let him fuck her cleavage. Still, her hair looked perfect, and she looked...
"You're beautiful..." he moaned, and he kissed her. She kissed back, then reached over and picked-up the gun. She showed him the chambers, spun the barrel and pointed it at the wall. "Bang, and it's over." she said, a smile on her lips.
"I won't do it." he said again, and she turned to him, the smile still on her face.
"Yes you will, you silly little fool. You'll hold this gun in your hands...and pull the trigger. You'll do it...because even a duty-shirking, tree-hugging Liberal like yourself knows that you can't just keep shrugging aside all the hard decisions. That's why you need us, you know. You need us to defend you when you're scared. You NEED us to do the heavy lifting while you dance around the pagan maypole and ignore the world as it burns down around you. You NEED us...to do the unpleasant things you know must be done. You need us...you need me. And you KNOW you need me."
She rose, went to his bathroom to wash off, then stopped. The turn of her head and the canting of her hips was erotic as heck. "Wishes can't be reversed, Jon...so get used to me like this. I love it...and I'm willing to put up with your silly Lefty nonsense. If YOU can't get used to me, then tell me now and I'll stop fighting it. We can find a middle ground, Jon. We can be together. But...sooner or later Sarah will use the stone on you...and that'll be the end of it. I'm guessing she'll make you a real obnoxious Liberal flag-burner or something. You'll never be able to get past my beliefs, and I'll never be able to look past yours. We have a chance now, Jon. But if you give her enough time, she'll ruin that chance. I need you to fight for what happiness we can share. I'll need you to kill her, Jon. Protect me from her. Jon. Please. I'm going to shower. When I'm done, I'll expect an answer. If you say no...then I don't want to see you again. Don't talk to me in school. Stay away from me in public. I don't want to be hurt when she finally moves against you."
He heard the shower start, and the radio turn on. NPR blared from the bathroom, then she said "Oh, I don't think so..." and tuned into Sean Hannity as he ranted about the Clintons.
He looked at the gun.
Point. Click. Shoot. It's just that simple.
He didn't blame Karyn for this decision. He disagreed with her on almost every political, religious and ethical point...but she was probably right about this. Something had to be done about Sarah...but did it have to be this?
She stepped from the bathroom, drying her body and hooking her bra. She looked him in the eye, then quoted "Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken." That's from the Book of Proverbs, Jon. Always trust the Old Testament when it comes to killing. Those Old Testament Prophets knew what they were talking about. Now...have you decided?"
