The bell rang, and the teacher clapped her hands.
“Okay, class! Time for circle time—everyone on the rug!”
Jon’s chest tightened. I shouldn’t be here… I don’t belong here… But his body rose automatically, crayon clattering onto the desk as his boots blinked as she skipped across the floor. His eyes fell again on the name tag taped there: Emily.
That’s not me. I’m Jon.... Right?
Yet when he glanced back, the desk with “Emily” written on it felt right. Familiar. Like it had always been his.
He sat down onto the rug with the other children, legs folding neat, hands resting in his lap. The motions came like a habit. as though he’d been doing this for months.
The teacher sat in her rocking chair with the attendance sheet. She smiled warmly at the children, then began to call names.
“Jacob?”
“Here!”
“Olivia?”
“Here!”
Jon’s breath quickened with every name. Wait is she doing to.
.. Don’t say it. I’m not—
“Emily?”
The sound of it rang in his ears, echoing louder than the rest. His whole body tensed. His mouth opened in reflex.
For a moment, Jon tried to resist. He held his thighs, whispering under his breath: No.. I don't need to answer... I'm not...
But his voice betrayed him. High and bright, it piped out on its own, rasing her hand high into the air:
“Here!”
The teacher smiled. “Thank you, Emily.” She ticked the box and moved on.
Jon’s heart beat fast. He wanted to scream, to take it back—but the other kids were already turning toward him, beaming.
“Hi, Emily!” one boy whispered.
“Emily, sit by me later,” another girl said, tugging at his sleeve.
His face flushed hot. The name wrapped around him, settling deeper than his protests. I’m Jon… no, I’m— His thoughts tangled like yarn.
A tiny giggle slipped out. “Sure! I'd love to!" He called back, nodding at his classmates excitedly.
The rest of circle time blurred. The teacher read a story, the kids laughed at silly voices, and all the while the word Emily echoed in his head. Each time someone glanced at him, smiled at him, whispered his name, it felt more natural. Jon... Who was Jon again? Was it one of the boys in her class...? Uggh....
By the time they stood for a song together, his voice was blending right in—singing loudly, clapping along, pigtails bouncing.
And though deep inside Jon still rocks around inside, the little girl he had become have no sign of the turmoil inside, dimming more and more.
