The next day, to Jon’s concern, Karyn was absent from school. Uh oh, he wondered if she had grown so many dicks that she didn’t think she could hide them? He should have just fixed her problem. He spent all day worrying about it, but resolved to help her first thing after school. Forget the stupid prank, he wouldn’t wait until she was within 10 feet of the stone so that it could be taken away and returned, he would just not wait for her to be close by after getting the stone and then fix it. Then Rumpelstiltskin would take the stone and return it later.
What Jon didn’t expect was that while Karyn was not at school, she was not hiding in her own home. And right at that moment, she was sneaking into his room through his window. Fortunately for her, he hadn’t locked it closed. She shook her head and grunted at the thought that he was leaving his house vulnerable to a burglar, which was especially bad if the hypothetical burglar took the rock.
Imagine her surprise when she got into his room only to see that a burglar was already inside! Wait a minute…
“Adam Sandler?” she said in bewilderment. For the burglar looked exactly like Adam Sandler, except for being about 4 feet tall. “Seeing you in person, you’re not as tall as I imagined,” she said.
“Alas, I am not the true Adam Sandler, the greatest of all comedic talents that ever was, I am but a funny little man who has modeled his appearance on the funniest of men.” And then he pulled out an acoustic guitar seemingly from nowhere and started clumsily strumming it while singing. In the retarded Adam Sandler “The Waterboy” or “Little Nicky” voice no less.
“You see, I’m the rightful owner of that rock you seek… ♫
I’m here to take it back, so my powers can be at their peak… ♫
Try to stop me and I’ll make you regret… ♫
And you should know that that’s no idle threat. ♫
‘Cause I’m magic ♫… ‘cause I’m a magic, little man! ♫”
The second to last syllable of every stanza but the last one was high in pitch, and the last syllable especially low. It did seem to be an accurate impression, or parody, of an Adam Sandler routine.
“Ok, Adam Sandler is not funny,” Karyn said in annoyance to the not-funny little man.
The little man’s eyes glowed red. “Ya shouldn’t a said that, penis girl…” he said.
Maybe saying that wasn’t a great plan, actually, Karyn thought, edging backwards slowly.
