Biff and Sarah bolted upright in class. They themselves didn't even know what was happening, as they were not even in control of their own bodies. It was as if they were puppets. But who was the puppeteer?
Biff started speaking, to his horror, as they were not words his brain was telling his mouth and voicebox to speak.
"I have an announcement!" he said.
"WE have an announcement!" Sarah said.
"I like to put gerbils in my butt!" Biff said. A few people in class chuckled. No one thought he was serious. Yet.
"You don't believe me? Here, I'll prove it!" He bent over and one fired out like a missile, with such force that it tore through the fabric of his pants. A day-old rodent landed on a girl's desk. She screamed. Everyone else in class was either shocked into silence or laughing, but someone said "holy shit!"
Biff then aimed somewhere else, and started shooting them out. How many did he have in him?
"And I'm filled up with the dismembered PIECES of aborted fetuses which I myself killed with a coathanger!" Sarah shouted. "Behold!" She too bent over, and shot out a tiny baby arm. It smelled like rotten meat.
Several people ran screaming from the room.
"But that's not all!" Biff yelled. "I have been paying a 6 year old Malaysian girl's slave captors every week to expose herself to me over the internet, because I get off on that!"
Sarah yelled "Oh I have you beat there, Biff! I enjoy torturing small animals. I mean, really enjoy it! I would even go as far as to say that it's my one joy in life! Here everyone!" She began passing out polaroid photos, that had just magically appeared out of nowhere. "Here's photographic evidence! Here, look at this one, that's the kitten I found, before and after photos!"
Someone near the slapped down photos chanced a glance and immediately started vomiting on the floor. About half the original occupants of the room had fled in terror. The remaining witnesses aside from Jon were now frozen in terror.
"But wait 'til you get a load of this" Biff screamed, ripping off his shirt. His chest was covered in pulsating sores. "I have a rare and incurable sexually transmitted disease!" One of the pulsating sores gurgled and splattered white goo half across the room. It landed on Jon's desk in a big splat. He held his hands up and back. Maybe this was getting out of hand?
"Oh that's nothing!" Sarah bellowed. "I have a rare variety of cancerous tumor, which unlike most cancer, is contageous, which causes partial conjoined twins to grow all over my body!" She tore off her own shirt to reveal tiny limbs and faces sticking out of her chest and abdomen, as if they were trying to escape from her. One of the faces weakly said "Killl.... meeeee!!!!"
"Oh yeah?" Biff yelled? "Well my father is an escaped Nazi war criminal!"
"My father is Hitler himself!" Sarah screamed.
"That's impossible! He died in 1945!" Biff shouted back.
"That's what they want you to believe!" she retorted.
"I am 'they'! Everyone in my family is a card carrying member of the illuminati!"
"My family founded the illuminati!" she yelled back.
"I'm going to lunch," Jon said, walking out the room, leaving them shouting something about how the moon landing was faked and in fact Lee Harvey Oswald was the first man to walk on the moon.
"That's the last time I give you creative liberties, rock," Jon whispered to the stone. "I wish that their embarrassing act would come to an end now, and that no one except Biff, Sarah and me would remember that it happened and instead the rest would think that most of the people left because of a fire drill."
Jon heard two screams come from the classroom he had just left. "It got me out of class at least, I guess."
