Greg was having a hard time concentrating on the road as he drove on the interstate in heavy traffic. His wife Michelle was crying and ranting about wanting a baby and feeling betrayed because her husband Greg didn't want one. She had this conversation a LOT lately.
Greg actually DID want to have kids, but he felt like he just didn't want to have kids right now. Even though he was 35, he didn't FEEL like he was 35.The last decade seemed to have just slipped away so FAST. He still had a lot he wanted to do before he settled down to raise kids.
However, his wife was 32 now and her biological clock was ticking VERY loudly. Greg was getting heavy handed and emotional pressure from her to reproduce...NOW! Tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed to him, "Don't you want kids with me? Don't you want us to have a family? Do you really just want to go on trips and buy gadgets forever?"
"No, hun, I'm not saying any of those things. I want to have kids someday, but I just don't feel ready yet."
"Greg, you've been saying that for ten years! Why can't you just come out and admit you don't want to have kids with me?"
Greg continued to listen to the teary eyed reproduction rant from his wife until he saw a billboard for MochaVille that said "exit now", and he decided to do what the sign said. Not only did his wife love the dark chocolate caramel latte, but getting some caffeine and being in a public place might help her calm down.
When Greg first pulled into the parking lot his wife was in no mood for a coffee beverage. But after a few minutes of reassurance and coaxing from her husband, she agreed to go inside, but only because the Dark Chocolate Caramel Dream was so deliciously addictive.
As Greg and Michelle walked into the MochaVille the barista smiled and said, "Good morning, welcome to MochaVille, population: delicious. What can I get for you?"
Michelle ordered her caramel latte drink and Greg looked over the menu before ordering a white chocolate mocha.
Unbeknownst to anyone but the barista, Greg then said, "I wish my wife felt the same way about having kids as I do." He then completely forgot about making the wish and paid for the beverages.
As Greg waited for the barista to make the drinks he felt his wife put her arm around him lovingly and give him a small hug. It was a welcome gesture given the last half hour of over-emotional arguing.
"Oh, that's sweet honey. I love you too. So, are you feeling better hun?" He asked her.
Michelle giggled, "Of course hun, I feel fine, why?"
After they got their drinks they got in their car and headed back to the interstate. Greg was surprised that not only was his wife in a much better mood, but she seemed to have forgotten the child argument from earlier entirely!
In fact, Michelle was in a fantastic mood the rest of the day, and Greg was having a lot of fun with her, just like old times. They went for a walk around the lake in Lake park, went out to a delicious dinner at Olive Garden, and then went to go see the new highly advertised movie: The Incredibly Amazing Rebooted Spiderman 5: Re-Return of the Villain Mob. As they sat through the latest Hollywood recycling project eating $12 popcorn, Greg and Michelle mostly cuddled and even made out for a while. It was just like they were dating again even though they had been married for 11 years.
After a fun filled day with his wife, Greg decided to make some moves that evening to make the day...more complete. As his wife was moving the many decorative pillows off their bed Greg slipped in behind her and not only kissed her neck, but reached around to gently cup her breasts.
Michelle giggled a bit, "Um, Hun? What are you doing?"
"Oh I think you'll find out" Greg replied with a sly grin. He then dipped his hand into his wife's pants and went to massage her clit in the way he new drove her wild. Only right now...Greg couldn't find Michelle's clit. In fact, Greg began feeling around his wife's crotch and didn't feel anything at all! It seemed to be just smooth flat skin between her legs.
In a sudden panic Greg said, "What the fuck? What the hell is wrong with your vagina?"
Michelle just chuckled a bit and said, "Huh? I'm sure my vagina is just fine. At least it was the last time I went to go see it at the annual check up. Why the hell were you digging around in my pants anyway?"
"What the fuck?? WHERE the hell is your vagina Michelle?"
"Greg, is this a joke? My vagina is at the same place it's been at for the last 5 years. The research lab at Aphaea corporation. You goof, starting to miss the old thing? So that's why you were putting your hands in my crotch like old times."
Greg shook his head and just blurted "What?!?"
Michelle was confused as to why she had to re-explain this to her husband but went ahead anyway and told him, "Hun, uh, not sure where you're going with this but, I'm pretty sure you remember that 5 years ago we signed up for a clinical trial at Aphaea to preserve my fertility. They removed my vagina and all of my other female bits and integrated them in a prototype birthing machine that not only keeps my eggs and reproductive tissues fresh and healthy, but will carry our baby for us one day when we're ready to have one!"
Greg's eyes went wide with shock and he just stared at his wife in disbelief for a few minutes before saying rather loudly, "YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE I WOULD REMEMBER THAT MICHELLE!! BUT I DON'T! You signed up for some crazy medical trial? Why would you DO something like this without telling me?"
Michelle just rolled her eyes and replied, "Jeeze Greg, having late second thoughts much? I warned you when we first did this that one day you would miss having a wife with a vagina. That maybe one day when we wanted kids we'd miss out on the miracle of conception, pregnancy and child birth. Hell I thought at the very least you'd miss having sex! But you were so convinced this was the right thing to do, you even convinced me."
"Holy shit Michelle! Are you insane? I have just been scared of having kids because it's such a huge and permanent change in life. It's normal to have second thoughts and doubts about major life altering choices! But I can't believe you'd go do something as crazy as getting your vagina removed to spite me! I want us to go get your vagina back right now!"
Michelle shook her head, "No, Greg, for two reasons. One, I have no interest in getting that crap put back in me and getting all the periods, hormones, and cramps that come with it again. I ENJOY not having sex organs. Not to mention I'd then have to go through the horrors of childbirth, no thanks. And two, it can't be put back. It's legally Aphaea property and even if they wanted to give it back it's been inside a machine for years and altered beyond repair. Hell, it's probably even pregnant right now anyway. My uterus has carried five kids to term already last I checked."
Greg just got angrily confused and told Michelle, "Oh my god oh my GOD! What do you mean they can't put it back? Five kids? Years? This is just..it's...insane! We just had sex last weekend!"
This time, Michelle got the angry look and shot back, "Greg, I am SICK of this joke or whatever the hell you are doing. My pussy's gone, deal with it. Stop pretending I just ran off and got it chopped out in secret, we made this decision together five years ago, and we've both been living with it just fine since then. You even seemed to be sexually content with just masturbating and getting the occasional blowjob on your birthday until now! Whatever. You don't believe me this is old news? How do you explain THIS?"
And with that Michelle dropped her pajama pants and panties to fully reveal her altered groin to her husband. Greg just stared slack jawed at the bare expanse of skin in his wife's loins. The only features she had left down there were a small hole to pee from and a thin scar to indicate where her missing womanhood had once been.
"You see Greg?" Michelle said to her befuddled husband, "If this wasn't done a long time ago, how did my scar heal up already? I obviously didn't just suddenly have a major surgery! If you're having a hard time dealing with a sexless wife, that's understandable, but don't you DARE try to pretend this was something I did on my own all of a sudden!"
Greg's head was spinning as it processed the surreal situation he inexplicably found himself in.
Michelle let out a big sigh as she pulled her pants back up and said, "I'm sorry hun, it's been so long since I've had sex hormones in my system I've forgotten what it's like to have a sex drive. Your brain is just soaked in sex hormones and is probably pent up after all this time and playing tricks on you. Maybe you're just experiencing some sort of male biological clock thing or something."
Greg just got a surprised look and stared at his wife. He had no idea what to say.
Michelle put her hand on Greg's shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "Look, I want to have kids, just not right now. I gave up having genitals and having sex to be free from the ticking biological hormone clock, so I'm going to make the most of it! Most women my age would be delirious from the flood of hormones their aging ovaries would be filling their bodies with, but unlike them we can have kids any time hun! We just have to go the lab and fill out a request form. But why not wait to do that until we've done all the things WE want to do?"
