Jon was feeling extra frustrated as he made a double white chocolate soy mocha. He had gotten this wish stone 10 years ago, but couldn't come up with anything to wish for that didn't have a big downside potential. Now he was 28 and had the wish stone again but was in the same quandary he was as a teen!
Jon slowly realized his whole life had been like this so far. He had lots of dreams and ambitions, but never really followed through on them because it would mean giving up on other other things. He had always been indecisive in this way. He thought about wishing to send the stone back to his younger self with a note that said "just make a wish and deal with it!".
All of this daydreaming about wishes of course had slowed his caffeinated beverage production significantly. The person waiting for the double white chocolate soy mocha was getting a little impatient and said to Jon rather rudely, "Could you hurry it up please? I've got to get to work."
Jon rolled his eyes and thought to himself, 'Then why the F--- are you in a busy coffee shop ordering a drink that takes at least 5 minutes to make even when it's NOT busy in here?'
Of course what he actually said was, "Sorry for the wait sir. MochaVille espresso is slow pressed for flavor. I should have your beverage ready in just a minute."
It was the usual drivel they were coached to say here. That would have been the end of it except that... it wasn't. Jon overheard the guy turn to his buddy and say in a not so quiet whisper "Can you believe this shit? We make deadlines all damn day on million dollar deals but this guy can't even make a fucking coffee. I wish all my job involved was pushing a button and filling a cup!"
Jon normally would have been upset, but today....he just got a wicked grin. Jon thought to himself, Hey, if this asshole wants that, maybe I should just give it to him! Why should I have to make all the big decisions when hot shot guys like this claim to do it every day? Why shouldn't other people have to be careful what they wish for? How about other people make the wishes and I'll just see what happens?!?
Jon finished up the drink for the rude customer, but before he handed it to him he reached in to his pocket briefly and held the stone for a second....
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As Raymond finally received his double white chocolate soy mocha he noticed the barista gave him an odd grin. Raymond thought to himself 'Fuckin whack job's probably on drugs!'
He motioned to his coworker Tom that it was time to go and they both made their way back out of the crowded coffee shop and got into Raymond's BMW 750i. Thanks to the slow ass barista, when Raymond got on the interstate he saw that traffic was already starting to snarl up.
"God DAMN it!" Ray snarled, "Now we're going to be late for sure. I hate walking into meetings late, old man Pederson always has to make his condescending comments. We can't all live in a penthouse downtown that's a block from the office."
Tom just chuckled and said, "That's for sure. But whatever man, when he sees your presentation on that new CX-75 procurement plan, he'll forget you were late."
Raymond finally arrived at the Aphaea Pharmaceuticals building at 8:14. He rushed up to the boardroom on the 34th floor but found...it was empty. 'That old asswipe Pederson must have cancelled the meeting to spite me' Ray thought. He then marched right into Pederson's office to ask what the hell was going on.
As soon as Ray walked into the office Mr. Pederson looked up from his computer and said, "Ah. Mr. Banks. How nice of you to finally join us."
Raymond replied, "Sorry sir. Traffic. I'll get my secretary to reschedule the meeting so..."
"No need." Pederson interrupted, "I have a NEW project I want you to work on."
"New project?" Raymond asked with a raised eyebrow.
Pederson smiled and said, "Yes indeed. You are a very unique man Mr. Banks. In fact after testing 83,000 Aphaea employees worldwide it turn out you are the one and only match for a very unique, um, shall we say.. opportunity. Follow me."
A dumbfounded Raymond obediently followed Mr.Pederson to the elevator and watched as he swiped his keycard and pressed the S3 button. Ray knew this was the top secret research and development level.
"We're going to R&D;? Why?" Raymond asked rather confused.
Mr. Pederson smiled again and explained, "Well Ray my boy, I know you're excited to have found a new supplier for CX-75, and it WOULD have saved us some money, but as it turns out we don't need it anymore. The stuff is rather nasty it seems and causes irreversible infertility in men. We've been trying to phase it out. And thanks to recent, uh, events accellorating our efforts, our wonderful R&D; labs have finally found a way to make most of our wonderful drugs that use CX-75 using either substitutes CX-9 or BX-15."
Ray was confused, and asked, "What? CX-75 causes infertility? I thought it passed FDA testing."
Pederson seemed annoyed by Raymond's ignorance of the products he was in charge of acquiring, "Well, Ray, as you SHOULD know, the final products get FDA testing, not the raw compounds. We specifically made CX-75 in some third world hell hole BECAUSE it was so nasty. Anyway, there was a leak at our CX-75 plant in Angoslava, and all the men for a 20 mile radius are infertile."
Ray was shocked, "WHAT? Why haven't I heard about this?"
Pederson chuckled, "Because I pay lawyers 15% of our gross income to keep stuff like this quiet, that's why!"
The elevator finally reached S3 and the doors opened. Ray had never been on this level before. There was a long sterile white hallway with lots of doors on either side. Pederson led Ray to a door marked 43 and led him inside.
Once inside the room Raymond saw it was just a plain white walled room with a sofa and a desk. There appeared to be some sort of machine on the wall. A woman in a white lab coat was inside waiting for them.
Pederson turned to Ray and said, "So, I suppose you're wondering what all this has to do with you. The CX-75 spill rendered about 16000 men infertile. Needless to say a simple pile of cash wasn't going to make this one go away. So, our lawyers worked out a deal where we would provide sperm with the same DNA as the men who lost it. That way, their bloodlines would continue. Oh, and they also got a giant pile of cash."
Ray was even more confused now. "What the hell does all this have to do with me?"
Pederson explained, "Well, Ray, R&D; has found a way to produce regional Angoslava sperm, but it only works with certain DNA profiles. All Aphaea employees submit to a blood test when they are hired. We keep that DNA on file. We had planned on finding about 50 or so low level employees in our database and paying them under the table to do this, but it turns out you are the only employee compatible."
"Compatible for what?"
Pederson rolled his eyes in frustration and told Ray "Compatible to produce Angoslava sperm of course! After a simple injection from Dr. Forth here, your testicles will be converted to produce sperm with DNA from the 16,000 Angoslava men we collected samples from. Your new job is to produce that sperm."
Ray's jaw dropped for a second before he stammerd, "Bu...but.. I don't want to...no fucking way!"
Pederson got a frown and tersly explained, "You have a contract, Mr. Banks. You really should read what you sign. It clearly states in addition to your confidential information non-disclosure commitment, you can also be selected for 10 year research commitments. If you refuse this project, mention it to ANYONE, or fail to show up for work any time over the next 10 years not only will you be fired for breach of contract and never work at anyplace other than fast food again, I'll direct my team of lawyers to sue you for any burger flipping money you DO make for the rest of your life!"
Ray fell silent as he remembered reading something vaguely to that effect when he signed on to the company. He had no doubt Pederson would follow through on his threat. He just glumly and quietly asked, "What exactly do I have to do? What about my current job in supply chain management?"
Pederson just shook his head and said flatly, "Dr. Forth will explain your new assignment. As for your old job, we'll have no problem finding some stooge in a suit to take your place. Finding suppliers to make chemicals isn't terribly hard. Have fun Mr. Banks."
After Pederson left Dr. Forth prepared the injection and explained to Ray, "Mr. Banks, as explained by Mr. Pederson this injection will alter your testicles to produce sperm with the DNA from other men instead of your own. In addition, you will experience swelling of the testicles over the next two weeks as they grow to accommodate increased production. They should end up about 4 or 5 times their current size. Also, your libido will be heightened to allow you to produce ten to twelve samples per day. However, don't.."
Ray's eyes were wide as this surreal situation sunk in. He cut off Dr. Forth mid sentence as he said, "WAIT! If I'm going to be producing other men's sperm, what about if I want to have kids with my wife someday? What wil..."
Dr. Forth cut him off and said coldly, "Mr. Banks, if you would allow me to finish I was getting to that. The sperm you will be producing is highly valuable part of a multi billion dollar settlement and PR cover up. We cannot allow you to waste it in pursuit of your own desires. So, the transformation injection I'm about to give you will also make your penis highly allergic to female vaginal secretions. You will find intercourse with your wife or any other woman for that matter highly painful and unpleasant. And to answer YOUR question, even if you did somehow manage to impregnate her it would not be your biological child anyway."
Ray was dumbfounded, in the span of one hour his world had been turned upside down and inside out!
Dr. Forth sighed and added, "Finally, This automated device on the wall here will dispense cups for you to fill and will take them to our processing facility when you are done filling them. Just press this button here to submit a sample. I can tell you off the record, in spite of your personal feelings or desires, it is in your best interest to simply show up here each day, masturbate into your cups and keep quiet. I need not remind you, Aphaea pharmaceuticals does not take kindly to people making 'noise'."
Ray was about to say something when he felt the pain of a needle going into his arm.
Dr. Forth packed up her tools and started to leave. But, just before she left she turned to Ray and said, "You should be producing the new sperm by tomorrow. So for today, please just empty out the last of your own sperm into the wastebasket over there. From tomorrow onwards, come back here at 8am and, well, do your thing. Just remember to get all of it into the sample cups and press the red submit button right away to get it to processing while it's still...fresh."
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Back at the coffee shop Jon smiled, then grew surprised as the stone's powers filled him in on the end results of the rude customer's wish come true. His job was now filling cups and pressing a button, just like he had wanted. Jon was also glad he found out just how unpredictable the stone's magic could be without bringing harm to himself or someone he cared about.
Jon then reached into his pocket and made another wish, "I wish that anyone who comes into this coffee shop and orders a drink with white chocolate will be compelled to make a wish out loud, but only I will see or hear them make the wish. I also wish that the people making wishes would forget about making the wishes after they have made them. Finally I wish that not only would I be able to choose if they get the wish or not, but also that I would know the outcome of each wish."
The stone glowed and Jon put it back in his pocket. He then turned to the next person in line and said, "Next?"
Author's note: Please add each new "customer" as a new branch below rather than having one long chain. Have fun!
