Hi. Well constructive critism as requested (wasn't me who rated you mind, but I try to help.)
First impression, the title: 'Become what you hate' is a very... off putting. For one thing 'hate' is a very strong word. On the plus side, the title tells the reader exactly what's going on... on the negative side, there isn't much of a mystery. the emotion of 'hatred' is an unsettling thought and I would argue alienates many readers away.
Readers do like to see something of themselves in a story, so when you have a concept of hatred as being the prime motivation of transformation there is likely less interest to read it and even punish it. It effectively says 'Everyone must hate something' or 'only those who hate gets changed'. Neither is pleasent for a reader to acknowledge or process. If we get really philopshical on the concept only those who hate themselves are safe from a change... which is a pretty depressing idea as those are the kind of people who might secretly 'want' a change in the first place. It leads towards negative thinking.
Going beyond that on your specific chapters essentially the characters feel unrelatable from what I have read. Sexual actions from out of nowhere without building on relationships. Characters are what they are because you have written what they are, rather then have them do things that show them who they are and how they feel. Writing about sex alone does not create a story, but the consequences of sex, the decisions leading up to it... can if done well. Otherwise its nothing more then a picture of a single act that is inconsiqential to story and reader.
Those are my particular thoughts anyway. Some people rate sexual chapters highly, I just gloss over it- well- unless it involves an furry/mythological changed but that's just me ;)
I think your writing has a good style. For me I don't rate it because there is no story that I can relate to. Maybe it appeals to someone else and they are in a better position to rate it... hope some of this helps.
