"We'll figure something out," I told her. Truth be told, I wasn't entirely certain either. This entire experience was getting extremely weird. I wondered if we were both really in here right now, or if one of us was dreaming and the other one was just a manifestation. I wanted to believe the first option.
"What the hell did we do to deserve this?" Natalie asked, slowly pulling away. On the bright side, it looked like her tears had stopped falling at least.
"You made a wish," that familiar voice said again, and the light enveloped us
When the light went away we found that the venue had changed once more as well. Jon and I were both still there and as I pulled away from the hug, I found it difficult to meet his gaze. He had a look about him that I envied. He seemed so sure of himself, so confident now. This entire time, I'd thought it had come from me. I'd believed I was the well spring of certainty. I wiped my eyes, sniffled once or twice and turned to look around for myself. It wasn't very difficult to place where we were.
"It's a classroom," Jon said softly, and it didn't look like he could get his eyes to stay in one place. His gaze kept shifting from place to place, person to person and as I joined in, grateful to have something else to look at, something apart from those eyes of his. When I looked into them I almost felt like I should crawl away.
"Not just a classroom Jon," I whispered as I glanced up at the front of the room. Mr. Hornsby had his back turned the class. As he wrote on the chalkboard, he droned on in true Mr. Hornsby fashion. "I don't think they see us," I told him as we slowly explored the room. Even Mr. Hornsby, who turned once or twice to address the class, seemed to be paying us about as much attention as the air he was breathing. I was compelled to walk over to Sarah. I took little notice of the fact that my desk was empty. It was hard to look at her right now, much harder than it had even been reliving that damned memory. At least when we'd done that, I hadn't been weighted down by the memories and the friendship. Yeah, Sarah could be a colossal bitch at times, but she was my friend damn it! I remembered growing up with her, the slumber parties, the conversations we'd had about boys all of it. I did what I could to keep from tearing up again as I slowly waved a hand in front of her. She seemed to stare right through it. After that, I couldn't even look at Biff, Derrick, or Steve. Anymore and I was going to start crying again, I just knew it. I looked toward Jon. "I don't like this," I whispered rather meekly, shaking my head slowly.
"Me neither," Jon said, but he seemed so calm about it.
Despite the past couple of days, a single thought went through my head. I really don't know him at all.
"I can't do it!" I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the voice, but Jon simply looked toward me, just over my shoulder. I turned around and saw somebody sitting at a computer desk at the back of the room. That was new.
I glanced back toward my alternate. Even though the girl wasn't facing us, it was pretty easy to tell that it was Rachel. But, she hadn't been here when it really happened Neither had the computer station back there for that matter, and I had to keep reminding myself that all of this was some kind of dream or hallucination. He simply nodded, and slowly made his way down the row of desks. All I could think was how in control he looked, and how I must have looked like I was on the verge of falling apart. I wondered if he felt even a little of what I was feeling right now, even deep down.
At least he's wearing clothes again, I thought as I followed him back there. It was indeed Rachel, and she was definitely working on something on the screen.
Now she was shaking her head and looking back at us. "I just can't make it work," she said, and she was making no effort to hide the frustration in her voice. "The edges just won't match up."
"Let me see it," Jon said softly, leaning over her shoulder.
"Be my guest," she said as she stood up. "I promised I'd help, but I just can't seem to make it work." She looked at me, it was clear that she'd felt she was letting me down. "I wanted to help fix it, make it work, but I just can't." She threw her hands up. "No matter what I do, the edges just won't match!"
"It's okay," I told her. "You're doing your best." I wasn't sure what she was trying to do, but it seemed like the thing to say. I'd known Rachel for a long time, and now I could remember that time, and I'd never seen her quite this flustered. She was typically rather bubbly. Not stupid bubbly exactly, just happy I guess.
"What's she doing Jon?" I asked, holding one of Rachel's hands as I leaned over Jon's shoulder.
Jon opened two windows and showed me. "She has two pictures she's trying to photo shop together," he told me. His voice was a little more quiet and withdrawn as he continued. "Here's the first one." I looked down at it. It was a picture of Jon and Karyn. They were standing outside together, side by side. There was something a little off about it though.
"Why does she look so happy while you look so "
"Miserable," he finished. "I have a theory, but first," he pulled up the other image. It was an identical picture except
"That's me," I said, trying not to sound too awed. "and that's Karyn again. This time she looks so miserable and I look happy." I stopped for a moment as gears slowly started to turn in my mind. "This has to have something to do with what Malcolm told us," I said, resting my hand on his shoulder.
Jon nodded and pulled up what Rachel had been working on. It was an attempt to move the image of the happy Karyn into the same picture with the happy me. "She's right," I said slowly, taking in the picture. Even though the images, aside from Jon and I, had looked nearly identical side by side, there were noticeable differences where Rachel had tried to merge them. It seemed as though the little details, the color of the sky and the trees took on a slightly darker hue on Karyn's side. Try as she might have, Rachel couldn't get rid of the unseemly well, seam that ran down the middle between them. "They don't line up."
"Told you," Rachel said, making no attempts to hide her exasperation, "and I've tried everything! I've messed with the brightness, the levels, I've tried masking it! Nothing works. They just don't fit. I'm sorry," she said softly. "I really tried."
"It's okay," I told her softly, patting her hair. She looked like she was going to start crying. "It's okay." I hugged her, trying to comfort her.
"So, sorry," she whispered, and I felt her body get a little heavier.
"Rachel," I said. "Rachel!" I Looked down at her and saw the growing blood stain on the stomach of her shirt. I looked up and saw Bitter Karyn standing in the door way just glaring at us. She was holding the gun up, and it was clear that she'd just fired it, but I hadn't heard anything. I glanced at Jon. "She's dead," I told him, trying to hold my composure. He looked just as surprised as I did, but on a much smaller scale.
"It's okay Natalie, this isn't real," he said as he stood up.
*That really didn't make it a lot easier *
I watched as she repeated her rampage, but there was still no sound. The deathly silence only seemed to heighten the horror of what was happening here. One by one my friends died again, and Karyn just looked like she didn't give a damn. This is really who Jon wants to save? I found myself thinking.
No, I realized. This is who he wants to save her from becoming. I glanced back at the image on the screen. Could we really do this? I wanted to throw myself at her, apologize for everything I'd ever done to her, but I knew it wouldn't make any difference. This isn't real.
This time, when the world went white, it wasn't accompanied by the annoying voice telling us we'd made a wish, and it didn't shift back to another environment either. We remained in the light. It was actually kind of comforting.
"I'm sorry for doing this," I heard a voice say. I turned and saw my our, grandfather approaching. He was wearing a white suit that seemed almost the opposite of what Malcolm typically wore. "I honestly wish that all of this could have been avoided. Unfortunately, there are certain things that have to happen.."
"Grandpa," I heard Jon whisper.
"Yes Jon," and he turned toward me, a rather worn smile on his face, "and yes Natalie, I'm really here and no, we're not dead. I've been watching events unfold," he rubbed the bridge of his nose, "and it's frustrating me to no end that I can't do anything about it. But things are what they are, and there's no use complaining about it."
"Why?" Jon and I asked almost simultaneously. "Why did you send me the rock?"
"There's not much time to explain. When I found it, I thought it was Incan in origin. I'd found it in one of their ruins after all. I used it and, well long story short, I can't touch it anymore." He started shaking his head. "I learned afterward that it had been brought to the ruins from Europe when the Conquistadors arrived. It's actually "
"Right, Malcolm told me about Greek Gods," we both said. It was kind of creepy the way we were talking in sync like that, and when I glanced over at my double, he looked just as confused and slightly off-put as I felt.
"You should be weary of Malcolm," Grandfather said, "Take anything he tells you with a grain of salt."
"He said you'd done something wrong," we chorused, and I suddenly felt like I was stuck in one of those situations with an annoying first grader mimicking everything I said, except I was being mimicked as it was happening.
Grandpa shook his head. "There's not much time, and there are a couple things I must tell you, and something very important you must do before you wake up. First he said, you have to find my diary. There's another artifact out there. The Gods new this wouldn't be powerful enough to release them," he said, holding up the rock, "and they never intended it to be so. There's a counterpart, and I was close to tracking it down. With it, the true potential of the rock can be unlocked. That's how they planned to release themselves when the time was right "
"Another artifact?" We said in unison.
"It's very important you find it," he told me. "Jon, Natalie, the two of you hold the fate of this world in your hands. Very soon events are going to start unfolding on a much larger scale, and you have to be ready for it "
The memory of Malcolm talking about my destiny popped into my head.
"That being said," his gaze became heavy. "you can't continue to be as conflicted as you are. I'm afraid that it could put the very lives of everybody you hold dear in jeopardy. You have to be able to think clearly and with one mind " His voice trailed off. It was as though he didn't want to say anything else.
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked, and I realized it was only me asking. I looked over at Jon.
"He means," Jon said, "That one of us needs to be in control. We can't be split like we have been "
"What are you saying?" I asked. "Are you saying that one of us That we have to " Even I didn't want to say it.
"One of us needs to be at the wheel Natalie," he said softly, and I could tell he was in the middle of mulling something very heavy over in his mind. "The other one needs to step back, to "
"Die!" I shouted. "That's what you're saying isn't it? One of us is supposed to just fade away so that the other one can take over?" My voice was trembling and I was shaking now. I couldn't believe we were talking about this. I looked at Grandpa, but he didn't seem inclined to say anything. He was hardly even looking at us.
"The other one would still be there," Jon said slowly. "In the form of memories and experiences and " It was clear that a part of him felt the same way I did. "He's right though, you know. We can't keep functioning the way we have been. And if Grandpa's telling the truth and something serious is about to go down, we need to be able to make a decision without second guessing it." He shook his head slowly. "I'm not sure I like it either, but it's the right thing to do, for everybody concerned."
"No!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "No!"
A look of calm came over his face as he looked at me. He walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Yes," he said softly, "and you should be the one to go on."
I could feel the tears coming again, and I started shaking my head frantically. "No Jon," I was stumbling over my words. "I mean I It should be you I'm I'm just "
"You're the person who belongs out there," he said. "My family is gone now. I mean, they're out there, but they're not really mine anymore, and even if you do manage to save Karyn "
"Even if we!" I corrected. "It's gonna be us!" I couldn't believe it. A short time ago I'd been annoyed as hell by his influcence. Part of me had wanted him gone from my head. Now that it looked like it was happening, I desperately wanted him to stay. "You can't go! Jon, you have to stay! If anybody goes it should be me!"
"Even if you do manage to save her, she won't be my Karyn anymore." He shook his head. "It's funny you know," he said, looking me directly in the eye. "I wanted so badly for everything to be different. I wanted out of my private little hell, and now I'm kind of missing it." He was wearing a lopsided grin. "You were right about me," he said. "I should have been out there living. Maybe I was a coward." His voice was so calm and serene that I couldn't stand it.
"You're not a coward," I said softly, finally starting to accept what was going on. "I was wrong. I was a terrible, horrible bitch Jon. Maybe you didn't know me, but I didn't know you either. You don't have to do this you know," I pleaded. "You were right about my guilt Jon, and I'm not sure I have the strength to do this without you."
He nodded. "You do."
We were so close now. "Don't go," I whimpered. I leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, wishing I'd had the chance to get to know him a little better. He pulled away and walked toward Grandpa. He looked as though his heart were incredibly heavy as well.
"I wish there were another way," he said softly as he handed the rock over to Jon.
"You're not a coward!" I shouted. "This sacrifice is the bravest thing I've ever seen anybody do!" I watched his lips move as he started his wish, the wish that would effectively end him, and I saw a look of peace come across his face. I wanted to cry, or scream, or yell, of just throw a good old fashioned tantrum, but because I couldn't find a balance, I didn't do any of them. "Goodbye," I whispered as the world went white again
Back in my trailer, I awoke to the sound of my own mumbling, wiped a little drool away, and noticed that I was holding the rock. I remembered the dream in perfect clarity, every moment of it. Everything had been well, real wasn't the right word for it really. It was more a kind of hyper real.
I knew immediately that he was gone. I knew that I was Natalie Gibson and that I had been for the last sixteen years of my life, and I could remember those sixteen years now. Oh, I could still remember things about his life, but they'd taken on a more dreamlike quality than the dream itself had.
It took me a while to get going that morning. I was sluggish, as though I'd lost something important. In fact, I had. I took a quick shower, and really didn't pay much attention to what I threw on for the day. I checked Violet's bowl to make sure she had food, noticed that Jill was already off to work, and decided it was time for me to head out to school. I was gonna have to hurry if I wanted to make my meeting with Rachel.
Finally, I made my way out into the world. With Rachel's help, I was going to save Karyn because I was gonna be damned if I'd let his sacrifice be in vain. And once we did that, we were going to find Grandpa's diary, find this other supposed artifact, and we were going to put this whole fucking mess to rest.
That was my promise as I made my way toward school. Toward the rest of my life
