Still, if I was going to figure this out, figure out how I could fix this then I was going to need to know exactly what happened. I remembered the other night, when I'd wished for comfort and friendship amongst Jill's friends. I remembered how it had affected me and how it had changed some of the most basic principles that had made me who I was. Even now, I could have gone for a drink or a joint. I needed to remember that day, needed to see with my own eyes what had happened in that classroom, and I knew that there was a chance that I was going to come out of this even more changed then I already was. Still, I'd never wanted this, never wanted to find out that my best friend Well, Jon's best friend anyway Okay, that particular distinction bothered me, had killed five of her classmates and taken her own life in a fit of anger. If I could recall what had happened, maybe there was a way to change it.
Change it like you've changed everything else so far? a voice inside asked.
I have to try!
My mind completely made up, I held the stone tightly in my hand. My entire body was shaking now. I was more afraid of this, of witnessing what I was about to witness, than I had ever been of anything in my entire life, but I knew I had to.
Closing my eyes, I began the now familiar lament, "I wish I could " I took a deep breath. "Relive the shooting that happened here in March, and that after it was over, I would return to this moment." I closed my eyes, not so much to avoid the intense flash of light that accompanied each wish, but more so because I was deathly afraid of what I was about to see. I felt the gentle warmth envelop my hand. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes.
Here goes.
I found myself in a class, American History to be exact. Mr. Hornsby was at the front with his back turned on the class. He was writing something down about the Industrial Revolution and talking in that quiet monotone that had always come very close to putting Jon to sleep. The other students, my classmates, were behaving pretty normally. Several of the, what could loosely be called nerds, were listening with rapt attention and taking notes. Several other classmates were having side conversations.
" swear he's gonna put me to sleep," I glanced over to see Sarah McMillan looking at me with a bored smile on her face. She was talking in an extremely quiet whisper because, despite the quiet demeanor that Mr. Hornsby seemed to put forth, he'd proven on multiple occasions that he had amazing hearing. "I mean honestly," Sarah continued, "a little expression would be nice." We both chuckled, and I realized that even though I was here, watching everything unfold, I had no real control. My body was operating on a very precise script, and all I could do was observe.
"I know," I said, "Like hello, wouldn't hurt you to be a little more human." We both chuckled again. After that, Sarah turned to the desk on the other side of her and started talking to her boyfriend Steve Farber. I looked back up at the front and stifled a yawn. I could hear every thought that passed through the mind of my past, see every emotion, but I was powerless to do anything about it.
I started tapping my pencil on my desk, counting down the minutes as I looked up at the clock. Another twenty minutes and I was done for the day.
Mr. Hornsby was asking a question now, and I realized I hadn't been paying attention. Please don't call on me? I felt myself thinking, as though I could will his eyes to overlook me.
"Mr. Meadows?" He said, "Can you answer the question?"
I glanced over at Biff Meadows. He was the Captain of the Football team and the head quarterback. I'd been trying to catch his eye for almost a year now, but he seemed to have his eye on Kristy. What kind of a name is Kristy anyway? I thought bitterly. I wasn't even paying attention to the little question and answer session going on. Sounds like a stripper or a hooker, I thought, feeling a little better.
That was when everything happened. It was over in a flash, but as it was going on it seemed to take an eternity to unfold. The classroom door opened slowly and I saw her standing on the other side. At least No, I thought, That has to be her. The girl who stood in the doorway was so far removed from the Karyn that I'd grown up with that I had a little trouble believing it at first. Her hair was long, straight, and black but I could see the blond starting to show through in her roots. She was wearing a long black trench coat over torn blue jeans and a rather plain looking black shirt. I could see that the wish that she'd made so carelessly was still in total effect.
Her eyes were the scariest part though. I'd expected to see anger or rage, but there was nothing there at all. It was extremely creepy. If I hadn't known what was about to happen, her eyes would have been a giveaway. Her dark green eyes looked completely devoid of any emotion at all. Karyn looked like she was dead inside. As soon as the door slammed shut behind her, it all started. She reached into the folds of her coat and pulled out a small silver object. It didn't take a genius to realize it was a gun. The class was in an uproar, but it didn't seem to affect her in the least, didn't slow her down. She walked methodically toward her targets. Everybody was frozen in terror and shock and it was clear that nobody was going to try and be a hero.
Except for poor Mr. Hornsby. Karyn had noticed him trying to sneak up on her though and she reacted. She shifted her body around and backhanded him in the face. He was knocked to the ground with, at least a broken nose for his trouble. It was eerie the way she didn't say anything. In fact, aside from the movement of her body, she gave no signs that she had just assaulted the teacher. Her eyes maintained that same cold, dead look.
The first person she walked toward was Biff. She pointed the gun, her hand completely steady, and fired. The bullet pierced Biff's chest and he fell to the ground. Sarah cried out. The way he was losing blood, it was obvious he was already a goner. Even Sarah could see that. She was sobbing now.
I could feel my body shaking and trembling, but like many of my classmates now, I couldn't make a sound. In fact, aside from Sarah's quiet cries, there was an almost suffocating silence in the room. Everybody in the room was staring up at Karyn now, their bodies trembling and their lips unable to move. A couple of them looked like they were going to faint, and several others looked like they were going to throw up. How long did we have? Somebody had to have heard that! Help would be here soon. The help would be too late for poor Biff though and as the second shot rang out, I knew it would be too late for Steve too. His body crumpled in his seat, a grizzly entry wound on his forehead.
My heart was beating faster and faster now and I thought it was going to burst. She took her next shot, and this one took down Derrick Thomas, another member of the football team. Now she was walking in my direction. Her eyes drifted back and forth between Sarah and I. She raised the gun. Sarah was sobbing incoherently now, but when she looked up and saw her killer approaching, she started trying to apologize and began to beg for her life. If her pleas held any meaning for Karyn Black, she didn't show it.
Karyn was about to fire when the classroom door opened again. Without a thought, she turned and fired. The bullet hit Michelle Walters in the gut, and she fell to the ground, her body unmoving. She was just coming back from the bathroom! My mind screamed.
Now, Karyn turned her attention back on us as though nothing had happened. She raised the gun and, without hesitation, pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced Sarah's skull and her body fell limp against the seat. She was obviously dead.
Karyn walked slowly, closing the gap between us. By the time she stopped, the gun was only a few inches from my cheek. Now an expression crossed her face. I could feel my body now and if felt like it was going to shut down from fear. I'm gonna literally be scared to death! I could feel a warm dampness growing between my legs, and I certainly knew I wasn't horny. She smiled softly, but it was a dead smile, a hollow expression. Slowly, she pulled the gun away. She closed her eyes, put the end of the guy up to her chin and pulled the trigger. I watched in helplessness as her body crumpled to the floor. It had all happened in less than a minute
There was a flash of light again, and I found myself sitting in the same locked bathroom stall that I'd been in. My entire body was shaking now, and I slid off the toilet and on to the ground sobbing and rocking. I stopped long enough to turn and vomit, but then the tears began again. I'd seen it with my own eyes now.
Karyn was dead. She was dead and it was my fault. I couldn't move my body anymore. All I could do was huddle up on the floor and cry
