It's kind of amazing how adaptable the human animal really is when it comes right down to it. I think I actually felt really good about myself for the first time in the last two or three days today. It's kind of hard to describe the way I feel right now Of course it doesn't help that I'm still a little drunk, but we'll talk about that in a few minutes. Don't get me wrong, this is still incredibly weird and strange and maybe just a little fucked up, but it seems to get a little easier with each passing day, seems to feel a little more natural. I mean, when I left home a few days ago I was completely freaking out. Given the circumstances of course, I think I was well within my rights. Even if I'd been in complete control, wished this on myself because it was something I wanted, it would be fair to say that it would still be a little disorienting. How could it not be? To wake up and find yourself in a different body, a completely different shell than you'd inhabited for the better part of twenty-some odd years well, it takes you be surprise. Suddenly finding yourself a different size, shape, and build is like actually I'm not sure I could really describe it to somebody who hasn't gone through it. I feel like any attempt would completely fall short, completely fail to really grasp it.
That's not to say that I'm completely over the shock. I think it would be more appropriate to say that I'm over the fear and anxiety that initially accompanied that shock.
Even this morning, having lived like this for a few days now, it still took me by surprise when I looked in the mirror and saw the young picture of femininity staring back at me. But the surprise lasted less than a second and then I was okay. For the first time since my transformation, I took a shower this morning and actually allowed myself to enjoy it. The way the warm water felt as it sprayed against my skin, the way it tingled as it rolled gently down my breasts. These were things that I'd been afraid to let myself notice the first couple of days. Now, I was reveling in it. I think it might have been the most sensual shower I've ever taken. And no, it wasn't that kind of a shower so get your minds out of the gutter. It was just the first time I'd really let myself experience this body, if that makes any kind of sense at all. Then I had to deal with the hair. As a guy my hair had been really short, and it rarely took me more than a minute or two to wash it. This morning, I think I spent more time washing my hair than I used to spend on my whole body! I mean seriously. It's beautiful hair, don't get me wrong. It's long and dark brown, and I can't believe how soft it is.
After, what I'm going to refer to from now on as the greatest shower ever, I got dressed. Like I said before, I didn't buy anything really sexy when I did my clothes shopping the other day, and looking down at the extremely sparse stubble that was starting to show on my long legs I was glad that I'd invested in a couple pairs of jeans instead of anything so daring as shorts or a skirt. Probably gonna have to shave them sometime soon. And of course that started me on all of the things I was gonna have to buy to maintain this body. There was skin care, hair care, razors, and I glanced down at the thin patch of hair between my legs. I'll admit I'm still a little nervous about that one I'm gonna have to start thinking about tampons, and trimming, and freshness. I decided I wasn't going to worry about that today. I'll say this, my penis had been kind of gangly and, I'll admit it annoying at times and there was the whole risk of being kicked or hit down there, but aside from washing it, it pretty much took care of itself. I was entering an entirely different world here now.
It still kind of scares me, especially after but I'm getting ahead of myself. I pulled on the rather conservative underwear, pulled the jeans up, and threw on a bra happy to say that I'm getting used to these breasts too. At first they were an uncomfortable weight that just seemed to get in the way and move around uncomfortably. Now they're starting to feel a little more natural, and the bra is really helping with the whole restraint thing. Of course trying to put that thing on the first time was fun to say the least. I'd had some experience taking them off of others, but I'd never had to put one on before, at least not before the other night. Once I got that on, put on a black button up shirt. I buttoned it up all the way, because I still wasn't comfortable flaunting it I guess. That's another funny thing. As a guy, I'd always thought if something like this happened, if I suddenly found myself in the position I'm in, I'd be, well kind of a whore. I don't mean literally selling my body; I think easy might be a better word. I think that a lot of guys think that way though. Now that I'm actually facing it, I'm finding myself a little more self conscious.
Anyway, I went to work. That situation is definitely getting better. I still have to deal with the pauses and silences, and sometimes when I come around a corner I find a couple of coworkers whose conversation seems to have just ended rather conveniently, but it's getting easier to deal with. I think I'm just a little more confident now. So, work was actually okay. It was after work this evening that things started to get interesting.
I had to stop at a gas station after work because I was running low on cigarettes. When I stepped up to the counter, the clerk actually had the nerve to card me! This would have been fine because I'm well over eighteen, but it didn't occur to me until after he'd handed my driver's license back with a smirk on his face that none of my identification had changed when I had. I looked at the picture and was reminded what I'd looked like less than a week ago. I tried to convince him that I was definitely an adult, but after the stint with my identification he was more inclined to laugh at me than believe me. I had to make three different stops before I found somebody that was willing to sell to me without carding me. That was annoying. It was at the last stop that I met Tom.
He approached me as we were walking out of the convenience store and started to chat me up. Facing a major nicotine craving, I lit one and stood there talking to him for a few minutes. I was kind of cute, probably about my age with a nice body. I suppose I should clarify the fact that I was bisexual even before the wish so noticing guys is nothing new for me. As I was finishing my smoke, he asked me if I wanted to hang out for a while. I figured what the hell. It's Friday night after all, and I don't have to work in the morning. I was pretty sure I knew what he wanted. His eyes weren't making any attempt whatsoever to hide that while we'd talked. It was okay though because I realized I sort of wanted it too. I mean my one experience so far had been well, one that I'd rather not remember. I wondered what it would be like to have sex, in this body, with somebody I was actually attracted to. I could already feel myself getting a little wet thinking about it. So, I followed him back to his apartment.
To be fair, we did talk for a little while and we had a few drinks. It was actually kind of nice. Then he made his move, and I let him. It was amazing and completely unlike my experience the other night. I couldn't believe how horny I was, and how good it felt to feel him touching every inch of exposed flesh. It was completely and totally unlike anything I'd ever felt as a guy. I was tempted to make him shut the lights off because I was a little self conscious about my legs, but I wanted to see it. I wanted to watch the look on his face as he entered me, the way his well-toned body moved rhythmically over mind as he thrust in to me. I wanted to take in every single aspect of the experience. As I got closer and closer to cumming I wrapped my legs around him so tightly I thought I was going to pop his torso off. By the time we really got into it, when he started doing me harder toward the end, I heard myself scream out words that I'd rarely used in the privacy of my own home, let alone in the company of others.
When it was over and we were lying there in bed I felt like my body was floating. Resting in the beautiful bliss of afterglow, still warm inside from his release, I felt a million things go through my mind, none of which I could really articulate right now. He fell asleep shortly after, which annoyed me a little, but I let it slide. I'm not proud of it, but I got dressed and snuck out. Don't look at me like that, at least the way I'm sure you're looking at me. I left my email address for him.
After that, I came back here. Didn't get in until like three in the morning! It was worth it though. I honestly think it might have been the best sex I've ever had. So, that was my night, and as depressing as it is being back in this horrible little motel room, I'm definitely ready to get some sleep. Or at least I was until I checked my email. I got one from my sister tonight. Apparently my family is starting to worry. I guess I should have seen this coming, but I don't know what to do. I can't exactly tell them what happened, and I definitely can't go back. I know if I don't do something though, they're going to come looking for me, and I don't want that to happen. I guess I'll decide in the morning or possibly afternoon depending on when I finally climb out of bed.
I'm also a little concerned that I haven't heard from Jon in a couple of days. Part of me's hoping that he's just decided to leave me alone. Given my luck though, and they anger he was expressing, I'm sure that's not the case. More likely, and I hate to think it but it's probably true, he's letting me get comfortable so he can pull the rug out again I know there's no amount of apologies that are gonna satisfy him now.
I guess all I can do is wait and see because I know I'm completely at his mercy.
