Okay, I don't want to jinx it, but today actually turned into kind of a good day. Well, I mean all things considered anyway. I mean if you take away the fact that up until two days ago I was a guy, and then somebody who, by all rights shouldn't exist decided to take revenge on me by transforming me into a girl, and making sure my family wouldn't recognize me, and turning my relationships with my coworkers into uncomfortable pits of awkward silence... and oh yeah, to top it off I'm staying in some creepy motel, and last night... Well, we won't go there. Anybody who wants to know about that can simply look at the earlier chapter. I for one, can only go on if I don't think about it and completely block it from my memory. Other than that, life is good!
Yeah, I know, but I really am trying. I realize that I've written some pretty terrible events into Jon's life... but... You're not supposed to be real Jon! You're a god damned fictional character! You were created by somebody named Zack, and some of those really terrible branches, some of the sickest ones, well, I had nothing to do with them! Why don't you show yourself! Huh? Afraid to face me? I swear to god Jon...
Okay, I'm better now. Sorry about all of that. I'm still feeling kind of... what's the word I want? I think we'll go with conflicted. All things considered though, I guess today wasn't too bad. I didn't have to go to work, so I didn't have to deal with that whole mess. Not looking forward to going back tomorrow, let me tell you. I'm getting used to the body itself though, which I guess is a good thing, right? I mean, I think I've almost got this whole sitting down to pee thing under control, so go me. I can even look at myself in the mirror now and remain calm. Actually I'm starting to like this body itself. If I didn't have to deal with everything else that bastard was doing to me, I'd probably be happy right now.
I went shopping today. Even typing it I feel kinda like I'm perpetuating a stereotype. Oh no, I've been changed into a girl, what should I do? I know, I'll go shopping! Doesn't it seem like that comes up a lot? This time I really didn't have much of a choice though. I can't keep going around in guy's clothes. Especially when they don't fit. So I picked up a few outfits, a couple pairs of shoes, and some underwear. I'm probably gonna have to hang out here at the motel for at least a couple of days, maybe I'll figure out something new when the weekend hits. It was actually kind of liberating being out in public like this. I mean, out in public in a group of people who don't realize anything's wrong with me. I didn't feel strange at all, and I don't know if that has to do with the wish that turned me into this, or if it's something a little deeper. I guess it really doesn't matter. I wore the first outfit I bought, right out of the store, and definitely felt a lot better about myself. It was a nice black button up top and a pair of jeans that actually fit me. I'm not quite ready to go the sexy clothing route yet.
Aside from the little excursion to the mall, it was a relatively uneventful day. In my book, at least as of late, that also means good day. I have to say I'm kinda surprised that Jon didn't pop up today, and I honestly don't know whether to be relieved or worried. Don't get me wrong, it was really nice to go a day without having him fuck around with my life, but it's a little worrisome. I mean, has he just given up, or is he planning something? Okay, so I'm a little paranoid, but trust me, if you were dealing with this, with something that can't possibly be happening, you'd be paranoid too. I know you would.
Oh, best of all I stopped by the front desk today, on my way back and paid for my room with money this time! Real money. At least I shouldn't have to worry about... well, you know, tonight.
It's only been a couple of days, but I kinda miss my family. I wish there were some way I could explain what had happened, make them understand. Oh, I know, I could bring my laptop home, log onto this site and simply tell them about how this character, this creation of the group as it were, had somehow sprang to life and was acting out all of his revenge fantasies on me, and now I'm a girl. I'm sure they'd understand. I know it doesn't come out well in writing, but just so you know, that was all sarcasm. Okay, so I'm a little bitter. Sue me.
That's another thing I've been worrying about though, his revenge fantasies as it were. We've done some incredibly dark and, dare I say it sick things to Jon and his little world, and he said I'm going to pay for everything we've done to him. I have to wonder how far he's going to take this. I mean he is right about one thing. Compared to what's happened to him, what he's done to me is pretty tame. How far is he going to go?
Wow. I just realized that I've gone from angry, to happy, to completely paranoid; all in the space of a single entry. Talk about conflicted huh? Well, you go through what I'm going through and try to maintain any one emotion! Not easy, let me tell you. Anyway, as I said, I have to work tomorrow, so I think I'm gonna take a shower and get some sleep.
