As a pair of scientist looked at Glady's as she sweat herself a cocoon, and even knowing the process that was happening sat in wonder for a second at the process, and they thought to themselves the same thought everyone does: "I wonder what's going on in there" To answer this question, I take you to Nadine's house, where the quiet church mouse of a girl is starting to feel under the weather. So after kissing her mother goodnight, thus infecting her, Nadine found herself going to bed early, but not so quickly that she would forget to pray before bed, though her prayer would be interrupted by a rather insistent and sudden exhaustion.
The dream that came was so very real, she was being chased, something was after her, and it was hot, so very hot? Was she in hell? How long? Why was their no fire? Must keep running, it was coming and it felt so real it set off her fight or flight sense. She ran more and faster, she had to get away, but as she ran the heat got worse, she could hear foot falls near her, must run, must get away. Suddenly a cliff, below, an ocean, freedom, she could escape. Run. More foot falls like the falling of great stones from above. Jump, be safe. She made the choice they all make. She felt her body surrounded by water, weightless static filled her mind and washed over her thoughts like the rise cycle of a dishwasher and her whole mind became like a TV, a classic old style tube TV with only three muddy channels with reception that was like listening to a symphony in a snowstorm.
Nadine remembered a playground, a pair of 5 year old girls, herself...was that must be her, but then, the other girl, the pastors daughter. Adorable, cruel. She relived the moment, the shame, they had broken something, but she was taking the blame, she remembered the look on the pastors daughters face, she knew, she could get away with anything. Never again. Static.
Nadine remembered a playground, a pair of 5 year old girls, some nobody...and her, she could get away with anything, she just had to give the right look, say the right things, she watched as someone else took the blame, she knew she didn't have to, why would a cute girl like her do anything wrong? Wrong...this was wrong...Static
Nadine remembered a playground, a pair of 5 year old girls, her friend....they were adored, and they could get away with anything, they just had to give the right look, be cute, and everyone loved them, and it was all so easy.
Nadine remembered being cuter than her friend, Nadine remembered being her friend, Nadine remembered and misremembered the event in every way it could have happened, even though, and this is true, it had never happened. She remembered it happening as two teenagers, as house wives, as old ladies, as sorority girls. Nadine remembered things she had no way of remembering because these things had never happened. The only constant was it was always her, and it was always this attractive, vain, stuck up, fawned over girl and the only time she would ever win was when she got a chance to be the this girl. It was relentless.
Nadine remembered being at dinner with her boyfriend, then the girl came over as the waitress and flirted with him right in front of her. Then she remembered coming over and doing the same thing, and she had been so angry when she did it she had even unbuttoned an extra button, just to go that little bit harder than the other girl had, and she caught him staring and it made her feel good.
Nadine remembered being left at the altar, Nadine remembered having sex on a beach on what was supposed to be her wedding day. Nadine remembered being picked last, and then being picked first, of being alone during the dance and being the prom queen, she remembered who she was and learned to love being who she wasn't. Dreams can be lifetimes, and Nadine lived two right next to each other, one as her self always tormented and bested by the other, who she slowly came to understand as somehow also herself. She came to dread seeing her own face in the mirror and find relief in seeing the more beautiful version of herself in the mirror. It was easier to give out the punishment, it was more fun to be beautiful, it was better in everyway to be the other girl, till finally a switch happened in her mind, and she started thing about herself as this other girl, that the ugly girl was the mistake, some form of cruel punishment set on her that she had to get rid of, and she found herself finally allowing herself to be mean, even cruel to her face, as she watched it fade into something that didn't even look like her, this was some other girl someone less than her, she had to be the beautiful one, she had to be the winner, she had to be the star, there was no other way, this was who she was, so that when she woke up, her face wasn't a surprise, her beauty not a shock or unwelcome thing. It was how it was supposed to be, this was who she was.
Time to wake up
