"It doesn't take a genius to have a genius for something, meaning that all genius really is, is a gift at one thing. Einstein was a terrible poet and Shakespeare couldn't math, but they could do what they were good at very well. What you need to do is find your genius." The motivational speaker said. This was the first time that Sarah had paid attention in an assembly and she found it captivating. Not just that line, which sent her mind into thought, what was her genius, what had it been? Wait...did that mean if you are not gifted in something you shouldn't try? Sarah found herself in a very common place with an uncommon urgency. She no longer really knew who she was. For a lot of teens this is true, but they have the whole world in front of them, so it's not like it really matters, most are just figuring it out as they go, Sarah didn't feel like she could do that. She had to know now! She wanted more than anything to be who she was, she wanted Biff back, she wanted someone besides Jay to notice her. Jay was an unfortunate side effect of her make over, apparently everyone just thought Jay and Kyla had been dating because they were both huge nerds, but really he had both always been too shy. Whelp apparently a make over was all it took for Jay to come out of his shell. From the second he saw her, he couldn't believe it, and now he was following her around like puppy dog, part in shock and part in lust and part in desperation. It was very annoying, Jay may have felt this way about a lot of girls but his being friends with Sarah before her make over (who he now saw as "hot") made him think he had a chance, which he was blowing by not giving her any space. BUT this just begged a question, would Kyla have been happy about this? Would Kyla have dated Jay? Had Sarah the popular girl given Kyla the nerd a make over and Jay had asked Kyla out...would she have said yes? Should she? She didn't have any interest, in part only punctuated when Biff and Kyla walked by and Sarah didn't notice Kyla at first, her gaze fell mostly on Biff. He was so dreamy... The thing that Sarah didn't notice is that she was thinking of him as someone she wanted to date, and not like someone who she had dated, she knew what it was like to kiss him, but something in her made her imagine it rather than remember it, dreams are always better anyway.
Sarah thought more, she didn't realize it but she was thinking to distract herself from the crowd, to keep from engaging with the world, this was what Kyla used to do. Sarah noticed Kyla sitting away from her, talking amongst her friends, that was what Sarah used to do. Then Sarah noticed what Kyla was wearing.
Kyla was elated to find that there was an assembly, which was a new reaction for her, she was used to hating the crowds. Kyla had found all day though that being her new self, that being popular and outspoken and most of all confident, was outstandingly fun and oddly relaxing, all she had done all day was talk with her friends in different classes, each new room she found new people to talk with, new subjects. School used to be about class for her, but today she was allowing herself to indulge a bit and dip her head all the way under the waters of this new life and just enjoy being herself, school had always come easy to her before and she assumed it would again if she wanted it. Kyla thought she might have take not caring about school too far when a teacher pulled her aside, but she was even more surprised to find that she had to leave early to change into what she discovered was her Cheerleading outfit. She never would have dared put one on before, and it not only gave her a thrill to see her name in cursive above her breast, but to see how good she looked in it, how utterly confident it made her feel. From the second she put it on she felt super charged, everything about her that had been changed felt that much more in this outfit, she could swear she was prettier, her hair blonder, her breasts larger, her smile brighter, and her pride and vanity also at new heights as she stood in front of the mirror and admired herself for a moment before walking out with the rest of the squad. She had noticed more of a sway to her hips when she walked with Biff, but now she was in a full on strut and she owned the crowd as she walked into the gym. Kyla projected something from herself, a sense of ownership, a sense of control, and sense of impossible aboveness. She couldn't fly but she wanted you to believe that she could, and so she carried herself so that if she did, no one would be surprised, and she did all of this because it was fun for her. She stepped out on the floor like a celebrity on a red carpet, smiling and waving and treating all of it as if it was for her. Sarah never even occurred to her, why would she, Sarah was nobody, Kyla was the star.
Sarah saw Kyla wandering about in her former life and seemed to be taking notes on how she was doing it. That's how I used to hold myself. and she checked and corrected her posture. That's how I smiled, yes, remember go bigger than feels comfortable. She saw Kyla like watching film of herself, it made her uncomfortable because it was so familiar and confusing. She couldn't imagine feeling the way that Kyla was clearly feeling at that moment, but if she tried she could remember it like it was mere days ago.
A guy walked by and noticed her. She had forgotten she was pretty for a moment, she smiled back, remembering that was a thing she was supposed to do, she had to retrain her mind. Sarah wondered how long it would take to get back to where she had been. In a year would it be her in the spotlight again, or would it take ten years? She at once wanted it all and was horrified at the work it would take to get there. She closed her eyes and imagined herself as herself again. Breathing in and out, Sarah imagined being in the Cheerleader outfit, she remembered the feel of the fabric, her hair long again, she remembered dancing, smiling, confidence and joy.
She remembered the crowd loving her before, but suddenly in her minds eye she was replaced by her new self, still in front of the crowd, she could feel herself losing them, desperation built as her breathing increased and panic set in. Her eyes still closed she felt a hand in hers, and felt a calm begin to return to her and heard a voice saying "It's Ok". She held fast to the hand as she continued to imagine, now as herself, she allowed herself to transform in her own mind eye, and she imagined the cheering of the crowd was for her and she gratefully accepted it. Sarah opened her eyes, but the person that had held her hand was gone.
