Sarah hadn't hated Kyla before. She disrespected her, yes, held her in contempt, and felt just threatened enough by her potential charms to squash her self-confidence at any good opportunity, thus keeping her in check. But that wasn't anything personal against her; it was just good business, in Sarah's mind, just another little piece of the game of popularity politics she was always playing.
But now? Now, Sarah hated Kyla's guts, and she hated them with passion. Maybe she had had trouble summoning her courage or standing her ground before, but this feeling she had no trouble fanning to flame, and tonight, Sarah was making it the basis of her resolve.
Arrogant little bitch! Sarah thought as she tore a poster off her wall. Everything in her room that reminded her she was supposed to be Kyla was being ripped off and thrown away, and thanks to the magic, that was almost all of it. She thinks I'm some spineless little nobody she can just push around now! She thinks she's got all the cards now, and I've got nothing to do but just brace myself and take it! Well you know what, asshole, you're forgetting something! Sarah took a sharpie, and with it wrote in big, bold, permanent letters on the now-bare walls of her room:
I AM STILL SARAH MCMILLAN
I know it, and you know it, asshole, because I just did both of our fucking makeup, leagues better than you ever would've! Sarah was fuming. I still know makeup! I still know what makes me look pretty and you look ugly! I still know my old friends better than you know your new friends, inside and out! I'm still the master manipulator at this school! So enjoy Biff for now, because I can still quietly arrange a breakup when it suits me! It was working; Sarah was whipping herself up almost to frenzy with her thoughts. And even if I didn't, even if some other magic or whatever stripped all of that away, even if I had nothing left of the old me but a name and a few memories of what was, I still have the trump card here! You wanna know why!? Taking the sharpie again, Sarah found another empty section of wall, and wrote once again:
KYLA HASN'T WON UNTIL I'VE GIVEN UP
And so help me God, I never will. Sarah added in thought, replacing the cap on the sharpie. I'm still Sarah McMillan, the Once and Future Queen at this school! One doesn't simply exist at the top of that pyramid; you have to work, you have to be diligent, you have to constantly strive to improve yourself, and make yourself goals and promises you'll never let yourself give up on. I have that experience. Kyla doesn't know what she's getting into with it, but I do. And I've just found my resolve! Sarah broke out into a real smile, despite everything. Kyla won't know what hit her!
Not wanting to lose the moment, Sarah rushed to grab a pen and some note paper, on which she would write her pledges and her plans. At the top she wrote, once again in great, bold letters, SARAH MCMILLAN IS..., and went down the page adding bullet points from there.
... CONFIDENT. All this fear, all this irrational anxiety, all this stupid self-doubt she'd inherited from Kyla, it had to go. And how do you break a phobia? Face your Fears! Sarah scribbled under the bullet point. Take risks! Get out of your comfort zone! Stare into the abyss until the abyss looks away!
... CHARISMATIC. This was one that made Sarah glad Kyla was still letting her see her old friends on good terms. Conversation was an art form, and some of her old friends would probably be happy to help her practice that art form. Talk to Erika and Allison, she scribbled. Erika was probably going to be most helpful in just being someone she could talk to for practice, and as for Allison, Sarah still had a thing or two to learn from her about Posture even before the Cloud happened.
... BEAUTIFUL. Thankfully, Sarah probably wouldn't need much help with this one. Tonight had proven to her she could still clean up well and make an impression with what she already had, but she still made a note to Go shopping for clothes and expanded makeup set anyway.
... FIT. It occurred to Sarah that she would need to rejoin the Cheerleaders, and climb her way back up to Head Cheerleader the hard way. That meant a lot of exercise and physical conditioning for her. Diet starts today, she wrote, reminding herself to clean out their fridge as soon as she was done there. Set Exercise Routine, she added, not wanting to set one before she knew what a typical schedule for the old Kyla had been.
... BIFF'S GIRLFRIEND. This was the first and only item that made Sarah stop and hesitate. She knew full well she was treading on dangerous ground, trying to win back Biff's heart, and at once the old Kyla's anxiety came back with a vengeance, threatening to undo all the resolution Sarah had been trying to build up that night. This time, however, Sarah could fight it away, and took a deep breath. "Face your Fears," she muttered to herself. "Take risks. Sarah McMillan is confident, and I'm still Sarah McMillan." Break over, Sarah tried her best to think through, with a clear head, exactly how best she could engineer the breakup between Biff and Kyla, and make a move on Biff herself.
Kyla's probably going to have issues adjusting to life as the old me, and that will more than likely generate some friction between herself and Biff, Sarah reasoned. I'm not sure how that'll play out, but it could be the leverage I need to get them apart. But how? Sarah sat with the paper just contemplating the situation for some time before a thought finally came to her. Quickly, she scribbled below the bullet point Steve Farber.
Of all the jocks, or maybe even the entire male half of the school, Steve "The Stud" Farber had probably replaced the greatest fraction of his brain with his penis. Nominally his girlfriend was Sarah's old friend Tiffany Sanders, but theirs was a very very open relationship in that both of them had a reputation for sleeping around which the other didn't really mind. Of course they hadn't even stuck around for the full movie night yesterday, they probably skipped straight to the cardio, Sarah reflected. All it would take is a few well-timed hints that Kyla was feeling lonely because her relationship with Biff was on the rocks, and Steve would be all over it. The Old Sarah would never have taken the bait -- Steve's infamous sleaziness would be too much of a stain on her reputation -- but the New Kyla just might be tempted to make that mistake. She didn't even need to go all the way with him, she just needed to lead him on enough that Sarah could get the rumor off the ground. Once Biff found out, boom. That's the end of him and Kyla, never mind that he himself might have been sleeping with Sarah by then.
Thinking through a plan as audacious as that swiftly had Sarah's beating like a drum's abusive stepfather. It wasn't the thrill of excitement and power Sarah used to get when mixing up drama like this; it was the old Kyla's crippling anxieties rearing their ugly head again, and this time for good reason. There were a million ways the scheme could fail, and half a million ways it could straight up backfire! Melissa came to mind... Sarah didn't like the side-eye she was getting from her earlier that night, she didn't like it one bit. She played along with Kyla, of course -- Melissa was an excellent number 2 -- but Sarah could practically smell the suspicion on her, and something told her Melissa wasn't just going to let that go. She was group's gossip extraordinaire, after all, she could sniff out the 411 on a person like a drug dog. That was great when they were best friends, but now that Sarah was on the other side... Quickly, she scribbled Watch out for Melissa right next to Steve Farber on her notes.
Sarah's feet were getting cold. What she was committing to motion tonight was ambitious even for her old self, but for her new self!? Sarah took a deep breath, and added one more final bullet point, to remind herself of something.
... ALWAYS GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS
"Hey, uh, look..." Kyla began, face all full of trepidation. "I, uh, really, really need someone to talk to right now. It's frankly kind of weird to me that I do, but I guess I'm an extravert now? So I guess I can't just be thinking something through without a need to say it out loud or tell it to someone, but right now I have no idea who else to trust! You're all I've got. And certainly, you wouldn't mind just sitting there, letting me ramble on about all my darkest secrets and keeping those secrets for me, would you?"
Stuffy, the pink and white plushie panda bear Kyla had recently found on her bed, just stared back at her in silence. Kyla had been very surprised to see it; she hadn't figured Sarah would still be sleeping with stuffed animals at her age, and given the scandal it might make if that rumor broke, it was probably a guarded secret she kept. Still, as she thought about it, part of Kyla began to realize it made a sort of sense Sarah might still have Stuffy at her side, even at this age. That part, in fact, had also been the part that said its name should be Stuffy, and said Kyla should talk to it when she didn't know where else to turn.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Kyla said with a nod. "So, look, I just... I have no idea how I'm supposed to be feeling tonight, y'know? I mean, I guess I kinda know how I am feeling, but is that how I should be feeling? Maybe I don't even know how I am feeling! Like, how do I put this..." Kyla rubbed her chin a bit, composing the thoughts, while Stuffy just waited patiently for her.
"On the one hand, I feel great. How could I not be, right? Being Sarah McMillan, it feels like being Queen of the World, in a lot of ways! I'm rich, beautiful, charismatic, and popular, never mind that I'm getting no less than Biff Meadows wrapped around my little finger!" Kyla said dreamily. "Everyone looks up to me! Everyone respects me! Like me or hate me, I'm always the most powerful person in the room, right? Aren't I!? Aren't I!?" Kyla asked Stuffy with sudden desperation.
Stuffy's sewed-on expression had not changed. She just stared back at Kyla, refusing to nod or to confirm the thought. Kyla sighed in defeat. "I know, I know. 'If you've got so many friends now, Kyla, then why are you talking to a stuffed fucking animal right now!?'" Kyla seethed in jeering imitation. "'Surely there must be someone in the sunset-less social empire you've inherited, that you'd feel safe sharing your burdens with?' You'd fucking think so, wouldn't you!?" Kyla lashed back angrily.
"Well I told you earlier, you ratty little piece of shit, I have no idea who I can trust now!" Stuffy, for his part, took the insults like a champ. "I don't even know if 'trust' is a thing I do now! At least not like that; Sarah always struck me as the sort of girl who'd stab her 'friend' in the back the very moment she smells disloyalty on them, right? All are pawns. And you don't trust pawns with things like 'Oh, yeah, I'm actually a giant nerd that stole your precious Queen's identity, so please console me,' right?"
Kyla sighed, sadness washing over her as it did. "If I lose this bet, and Sarah somehow gets me to make good on it, I don't know what I'm gonna do. That little confession could ruin the social life I've got going here, and it's too easy to mishandle it. And yet, if I go back to being that shy little mouse I was, even temporarily, what happens to my image then? Am I really just trapped? No, no; I've gotta wiggle out of the deal somehow. I can't lose the status I've got now, Stuffy, I just can't! It's too good to give up for a stupid bet!"
Stuffy continued to stare, dead-eyed, at Kyla, and once again it somehow seemed accusing. "But yeah, yeah, there I go again, don't I?" Kyla once again conceded to it. "Maybe I don't wanna be the harmless little Old Kyla, but I also definitely shouldn't want to become the 'bitch queen' that was Old Sarah, right? That's how I figured I'd win; simply choose not to be the insufferable asshole that Sarah was before, and I'm home free, right? 'How hard could it be?'
"Really damn hard, apparently! I'm an awful fucking person now, Stuffy!" Kyla didn't even realize how it had happened, but a tear suddenly started rolling down her cheek. "Sarah's probably bawling her eyes out right now because of me, and all I could think of when it happened was how good it felt! I didn't even fully realize what I was doing, dammit, I just did what made me feel good -- made me feel powerful -- and then, it happened, and all I thought was 'Great! I win!' That could have fucking been me, Stuffy, not 6 hours ago! What is wrong with me!?" Now it was Kyla's turn to cry, and cry she did indeed. She had already taken off her makeup for the night, so she was free to bury her face in her hands and weep a moment. "I don't know what I'm going to do! How do I make something like this right!?" She cried.
When at last she could look up again, Stuffy still had that damned stare, straight through Kyla. "Stop looking at me like that, you ass! I know it's obvious!" Kyla said, drying her face. "I'm apologizing to her tomorrow, once she's here for makeup." Stuffy only stared more in response. "I'll mean it!" More staring. "I know it'll hurt my stupid pride, but I can get past that! Can't I!? Can't I!?"
