Jon frowned and slipped the coin back into her purse (a simple affair, brown, plain, and undecorated. She hadn't exactly been eager to start carrying a purse, but it seemed to be easier than finding skirts with pockets, or at least pockets deep enough that her wallet wouldn't fall out.) What had she been doing? She'd come in here trying to...trying to come to grips with her place in all this, trying to see if she could figure out magic, trying to think of how she could possibly explain things to-
"Jon, you can't just run off in the middle of a conversation like that."
The slug-girl nearly jumped out of her skin at that, and whirled around - or, once again, tried to; she still hadn't quite gotten the hang of dealing with having more of her weight in the lower half of her body, and her movement was arrested quite suddenly as her spine reached its limit. Sore and embarassed, she crossed her arms over her rebounding breasts and turned properly, foot-first, to see Karyn there. The cecaelia-girl sat just inside the door, staring at her with a mixture of concern and irritation.
"You're being silly about this, you know," she said. "Even Haru says it's not your fault."
"But...but...does she know what happened!?" Jon stammered. "How can she? We haven't told her, and she's only got clues...if she knew what I did...I mean, you saw how she was feeling, if none of this had happened, then she wouldn't..."
Karyn sighed. "Look," she said. "Maybe Brittany's right and maybe she isn't that this is how things were 'supposed' to go, I don't know. It doesn't matter; either way, you can't keep beating yourself up over this. Yes, you made a mistake, but you and I both know it wasn't intentional, and anyway it's not a disaster. People are coping, for the moment, and you've already made it abundantly clear that you intend to make amends as soon as you can. Even Haru's only freaked out by her vision, it's not like she's traumatized for life or something."
She sighed. "But if you really want to help people by fixing this, you're going to do a lot better job if you're in good emotional health and thinking soundly when we get to that point, instead of rushing to clear yourself of all this overblown guilt. You're really going to need to be making good decisions, and that's not going to happen if you let your emotions have the run of you."
"But...everything I'm responsible for," Jon said, her voice trembling a bit, "I can't just ignore all that, Karyn! I..."
The octopus-girl put her hands on her hips and leaned forward in her wheelchair, arching her tentacles out a bit - it made her look much more imposing than her actual stature would've effected. "Oh, come on!" she said. "Look, I know what it feels like to make a stupid wish, okay?" Two of her tentacles indicated her breasts. "I'm stuck with these because of it. I know that's not on quite the same level, but I know a little of what it's like. But you don't see me moping about it, do you? Even though these freaking things are a pain in the ass outside of the water? We've both made bad moves with the stone, Jon, but we gotta move past that. You're going beyond just owning up to it, you're starting to wallow in it. You can't just keep running off to mope and cry like...like a little girl!"
Jon bit her lip, and she felt her cheeks grow hot. Her whole head felt like it was swelling as she fought to hold herself back from making an angry retort. And then it passed. Karyn was...was right. It wasn't going to help anything to keep going over this again and again, to keep banging her head against the wall because she couldn't have this over and done with right this very instant. She'd...she'd just have to live with it, until she finally got to the point where she could set things right.
Her acceptance of this didn't really make her feel good, but it at least did a bit to calm the emotional turmoil. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, and wiped away the tears that she hadn't noticed had begun to form at the corners of her eyes. Okay. If she had to...she'd just have to go out there and face Haru.
"I...I'm sorry," Jon said, sliding back into her chair. "If we could pick up where we left off..."
Haru nodded. "That's about all I saw," she said. "That was where the woman...Morgana...went into the tree, and that was when I woke up." She looked across the table at the slug-girl, doing her best to not look too deeply into her - partly because she tried to respect people's privacy, and partly because she was still nervous about what all this might be leading to. "Is...is this something I...have to be a part of?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.
Jon sighed. "I...I don't know," she said. "Honestly, we don't know a whole lot more about this than what we've just discussed with you. And I don't want to be pushing you into anything...I hope you understand why we've left out some of the details...I'd tell you if I were sure I could..."
Haru nodded. "I...I think I do," she said. "And...I'm not trying to make any of this my business...to be honest, I'm...kind of scared to even be looking into it, but all these things I'm seeing...I just want to know what I'm supposed to be doing with this information, why I have this ability."
Ken put his arm around her, and she eased herself up against him. "I...I don't want to get involved in big, complicated things," she said. "But...I'm afraid that I might not have a choice...if someone wants to...to use me..."
Brittany nodded slowly. "I do not know," she said. "I would have hesitated to believe that Morgana would stoop to invasion of another's mind, but if your vision is true, she may even have gone so far as to steal another's body. She is...a very willful woman. If she truly believes she is in the right, it might be that she would go that far - and I must be honest, lady Haru, she might very well think your ability useful to her."
Haru shuddered, and Ken bristled. "There's got to be some way to keep her from doing that!" he said, a hint of a snarl in his voice.
Jon sighed and shrugged. "...I don't know. I'll be honest, I don't know if just being part of our group is going to afford any protection, and I...don't have any real power of my own, at the moment. Brittany knows more about this stuff than I do, but she's trapped in the school for the time being... I can't promise you anything at all, other than that I'll do what little I can to look out for you."
"And...and in return, you'd want to..."
Jon shook her head. "No. It's...it's not a question of you owing me. It's...well, I just don't want to see anybody come to harm because of this, if there's anything I can do to prevent it." She hesitated for a moment. "But...if you would give us your help...there might be times when we could really use it. Like I said, I'm not really sure what we might be up against, but..."
Haru gave a little sigh of relief. She was...still worried about becoming involved with this whatever-it-was, but for the moment one very large concern, that Jon and her group might be seeking to control her, was put to rest. But that still left the question of what she should do, of whether she was willing to give what she was afraid of having taken by force. Ken kept a hand on her arm and leaned forward slightly, eyeing the others warily. It was a little alarming; he almost seemed like he might spring at them, if this turned out to be some kind of trap. She laid her hand on his, and he calmed a little. What to do?
It didn't sound like joining this group was going to bring an end to the visions, or necessarily leave her any safer than she was outside of it. But that didn't mean it might not. She didn't know about Jon, but she felt comfortable with the idea of entrusting her safety to Brittany, and maybe what they could tell her would help her understand all this a little better. And even from what she'd heard, if...if the world itself were at stake, shouldn't she be willing to go a little out of her comfort zone to help protect it? She only wanted to be left to figure out her own life as it now was, but she couldn't very well do that if some...some...
"Radical" as a noun conjured up, in Haru's mind, pictures of firebrand protesters in her history textbook, yelling and holding signs referring to events she couldn't clearly remember because she'd only really paid much attention for the test, and a couple photos of someone burning something for some reason. Thinking about it, she thought she could understand what Brittany might be getting at. Maybe whatever point it was they were trying to make was a good one, or maybe it wasn't, but there was still something frightening about the almost animal intensity in their expressions, the signs and the fists and the fires...she could conceive of someone who might believe in something so strongly that they were willing to do anything in support of it.
Was that really what they would be up against? She hoped not, but...who knew? By Jon's admission even they didn't know for sure what was going to come of all this. The thought of someone like that trying to change the world, trying to remake it into what she thought it would be...Haru wondered what this Morgana did think it should be, but the more she thought of the woman in her dream, and the things she did, the more that seemed to be beside the point. She had to do what she could to help Jon and Brittany and Karyn. She looked the slug-girl in the eye, and took a deep breath. "I...I'll do it," she said. "I'll help you."
At first Jon brightened visibly, relief evident on her face. Then she frowned and bit her lip, becoming visibly uncomfortable about something. She glanced off toward the door as if she was thinking of leaving, then pulled her gaze back to the table and to Haru. Then she looked more determined, like she was trying to make herself do something. She opened her mouth slightly, as if she was going to say something, paused, winced, and plunged ahead. "I...thank you," she said. "And...well, if you're going to be part of our circle, then...it's only fair...I should explain everything to you."
There was another pause as Haru tried to figure out what in the world the slug-girl was so uncomfortable about. Jon looked over to Ken. "Um," she said, "you...I won't involve you in this if you don't want to..."
"If Haru has to be a part of it, I'm not going to back down from it," Ken said resolutely. Jon nodded, sighed, shut her eyes, and spoke. "...I...am responsible for what happened to the Sun."
There was a long pause. Ken said nothing, but his jaw slowly dropped, until he realized what he was doing and clapped his mouth shut. Haru only managed a stunned "...Oh."
Jon nodded. "It was...it was an accident. I inherited a stone from my grandfather; it turned out to be one of the key elemental powers of the universe. You can change reality by making wishes on it...I made a...a poorly-specified wish, for something interesting to happen, and...the Sun changed."
She saw a question forming in Ken's face. "I can't," she said. "I can't change it back, not now. The stone was drained in the change, and it's going to be a few months before it's ready to do that kind of thing again. I promise, I'm going to put everything back to normal as soon as I can, but it's going to be a little while. I know...I know everybody is going through a lot because of this, and...I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry."
Ken sat back, frowning slightly, but looked questioningly to Haru. She understood; he wasn't really mad about this, but he wanted to know if she was. If...if she was...hurt...by what Jon had done...
Was she? Three weeks ago Haru would certainly have said yes, but three weeks ago she was holed up in her room, still trying to come to terms with what had happened to her, and three weeks ago she didn't have any friends to turn to to help her through this. Now, though...
It brought her back to that question from last Friday, after the movie. Ken had never asked her directly, but she'd asked herself - if it were a choice, would she change back?
Oh, she didn't know! She didn't want to lose what she had, but maybe if she were Harry again, maybe she could still be friends with her bandmates, maybe she wouldn't be so cripplingly shy; after all, that was what this had done for her, it had shaken her out of her complacency, right? ...right? But...if she became a boy again...what would Ken think?
That wasn't the question! That was irrelevant...wasn't it? The question was, was she hurt by...by becoming Haru? She...she...she didn't think so. Not really. There were things that upset her, like her period, like the lingering questions of identity, like the uncertainty of her feelings towards...towards boys...but she was...okay, really.
She smiled. For some reason, this realization felt a bit liberating to her. She stood up, walked around to Jon, and hugged her. She felt a film of mucous sticking to her legs, and wished momentarily that she hadn't picked today to try wearing a skirt, but that wasn't important right now. She hugged the slug-girl tightly, comfortingly; she could feel Jon physically relax, tension easing out of her muscles. "It's all right," she said, smiling. "I forgive you."
