It was the Wednesday night bible study a mainstay of Nadine's week and it wasn't going well. She kept getting distracted. First it was the prayer she lead, not her best work, she had left stuff out like the people in need, she kept it all very surface, very cookie cutter, and she felt nervous as she did, as if it was her first time doing it. As soon as it was over she started hating herself for it. Then there was the the verses themselves, they must have changed, along with half her life, because she hadn't done them. She had, but years before, she hadn't taken the time to reflect on them, to really pray with them, so tonight she was the odd man out of the conversation, for once the conversation was about God and she didn't have anything to say. She just sat there and her mind wandered.
They had gotten a new mirror, or at least the mirror hadn't been there before, and Nadine kept catching her own eye in it, kept being distracted by her new face. The first time she would see it she was shocked...shocked to see a new her...this wasn't her, this was some prettier girl, some preppy cheerleader girl, someone not like her, but her face moved when hers moved so it must be her staring back.
She looked around the room, she felt overdressed. She had only wore a dress, a sun dress, it was warm out and it had been calling to her from her closet to be worn....she thought it made her look pretty when she put it on...she felt a need to justify what she wore to the others in the room, felt herself building up a defense in her own mind against these "t shirt and jeans types". It was ok for her to put forth a little effort, it showed respect, and maybe they should do the same...also her legs looked really good in it.
She caught her face in the mirror so many times she started to get used to it, started to do something more than just be surprised at herself, she started checking as she did it. She wanted to make sure it was all still there, that nothing had changed, nothing needed touching up. She wasn't comfortable with the girl in the mirror, but she cared that she looked good, she didn't want to give the people in the room the opportunity to judge her anymore than she already assumed they were. To be attractive was one thing, but to try to be attractive and not pull it off, that was just a cry for help. She looked in the mirror and she asked...am I pulling this off? She looked over herself with a critical eye.....what was she to these people? Was she just a pretty girl....was she a slut? no...the dress was tasteful enough, her cleavage was in check, her make up was subtle enough, only enough to set off the green in her eyes. She hadn't even done anything special with her hair, just a simple braid in a ponytail....she looked fine...
The night ended in prayer, and all Nadine could think about was how sweaty the hand of the man next to her was as they held hands in prayer. It wasn't the best bible study....but by the end of it Nadine had learned a lot about herself. Her phone buzzed....Miranda was going to the gym. Maybe she'd join.
