"I wish I had the biggest dick in the world," Joseph wished, then almost instantly everything turned screwy.
Joseph was in a much different place, laying on his back, watching ceiling tiles and fluorescent pass overhead. A nurse's face appeared out of nowhere and told him "Don't worry, Joey, you're doing fine. The obstetrician is just moving you into the operating room as a precaution."
A minute later Joseph started screaming. There was a terrible pressure in his groin, as if something was forcing its way out! Something terribly, impossibly large! The torture persisted for several minutes, and Joseph almost fainted. Then, mercifully, the feeling passed.
"What was that?" Joseph asked anyone within earshot.
"You're doing fine, Joey," the nurse told him. "You're dilating over eight now. That means you're very close. It's almost over. Just hold on, Joey, hold on."
A few minutes later, after the gurney reached its destination, Joseph felt another terrible wave of pressure. "Push, Joey! Push!" urged the nurse! Joseph felt something like his balls ripping apart, then something slid out and the pressure eased.
"It's a boy, Joey" the obstetrician told Joseph, then the doctor held a baby up for Joseph to see. That's when things really got screwy.
The baby held up both of its middle fingers, looked Joseph straight in the eye, and told him, "Thanks for nothing, asshole!" Then the baby kicked him in whatever he had now instead of nuts.
"Man, this is, like, so totally wrong," Joseph thought to himself.
