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2. A Couple of Hillbillies

1. Altered Fates

Jebediah and Zeke go a-Bargain-Huntin'!

on 2008-04-23 05:34:33

587 hits, 9 views, 0 upvotes.

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Susan waved at Charles Wittman as she saw him in the crowd, gazing cursorily at a table full of battered-old paperback novels. He nodded at her with an exaggerated smile and continued to browse.
It was nice to see a friendly face; Susan had to admit that, while she was quite pleased to finally be getting rid of all of the junk which had been cluttering every orifice of her home for years on end, she was not, in general, a great fan of the sorts of people who tended to frequent these things. There were a few honest people, she knew, but also a distressing number of small-town cheapskates who were unwilling to pay retail price.
She could see a couple of prime specimens of that particular species hovering over a table which was loaded down with tacky old lamps from the 1960's.


Their names were Jebediah and Zeke, two buddies who lived in the trailer park on the outskirts of town. Jebediah was approximately ninety pounds overweight (which was unsurprising in view of the fact that his diet consisted entirely of buffalo wings, potato chips and beer), and was currently wearing an undershirt which used to be white (currently in its eighth consecutive day of service) and a pair of camouflage pants. The slobbery remains of what had once been a stogy were clutched tightly between his yellowed teeth.
His friend Zeke was bean-pole thin, with a battered fedora on his head. He was wearing a flannel tank-top (which, in a previous life, had been a flannel shirt), and a pair of town bluejeans. His wiry arms were covered in tattoos.

"Jeb!" Exclaimed Zeke. "Look what ah dun gone and find!"
In the nicotine-stained fingers of his right hand, he clasped the box which Charles Wittman had so diligently laid mere moments earlier. He held it open, allowing the sunlight to glisten-off of the medallion contained within.

"Wha that there is right purdy!" Exclaimed Jeb.

"You think it's real gold?" Asked Zeke.

"Twunny-foh karat, sure as the lord Jesus be on his way!" declared Jebediah.

"Well then, I do believe ah shall be makin' a purchase. Ah be givin' it to Bertha!" (Bertha was the most beautiful woman in the trailer park).

"Well hot dog!" Shouted Jebediah. "I was hopin' you kids would be gettin' together soon!"

"Wait, Jeb," said Zeke, taking note of something. "There be a note attached to this here piece-o-jew'lry. It done got words on it! You know I don't got no book-learnin'! Wassit say?"

Jebediah held the note close to his eyes squiting. "'To mah dear, most fortunate successor,'" he read. "Aww, it just be a bunch a' nancy-boy shit!" With that, he crumpled the note-up in his paw-like hand and tossed it aside.

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