Jon and Zoe were waiting by the car when Abigail and Athena stepped out of the school. Athena walked with her usual aura of stoic confidence, taking long self-assured strides that belied her rather diminutive size. She didn't look like a contrite or resentful student who'd just walked out of detention, but like she'd simply chosen to allow the detention to happen, as she could have chosen to cancel it without recourse for her teachers. She didn't just act like she owned the place, she felt like it too.
That just made the contrast with Abigail all the more violent; she looked like a wreck. Her hair was frazzled, her clothes rumpled, her body posture was folded in on itself, much unlike the confident, nearly dance-like swagger she usually had, and she had to struggle to keep up with the shorter Athena. Her face though... Even though Jon knew she wasn't really Abigail but Steve (ouch, brainfreeze), even though he knew she wasn't really the girl he'd come to know and like, her face made his chest tighten. She looked miserable and tired and... scared.
Jon had to hold himself from his first instinct of going to her at once and comforting her like he'd done Karyn not so long ago. He worked through the chain of logic as to why he should be standoffish again, Abigail not really being his friend, or even a good person, but logic had a hard time surviving that look on her face. She was in a bad way, and he wanted to help her, dammit. It didn't feel right to see her looking like that. Logic won out though, for now, and he stayed by the car.
Athena was talking to Abigail as they walked, but Jon was too far away to make out the words. However, he knew at once when Athena had told Abigail that he and Zoe were there because she snapped up straight, her eyes startled, and stopped in her tracks. This time, though, she didn't have anywhere to run away to. Jon didn't live close to school, and the public bus connections were awkward. Short of taking a long walk back to his place, making it very clear she was specifically avoiding him as she did, the car was her only option.
Jon watched as the gears turned in her head and she reached the same conclusion. When she started walking back to the car, looking resigned but determined, she didn't try to walk fast anymore: Athena hadn't stopped for her. Jon began heading towards her to meet her halfway to the car, as this would be the best opportunity to get some privacy from Zoe and Athena. He tried for "cold detachment" as he approached Abigail, but he just couldn't do it. It was one thing to hold himself back from his protective instincts when reason demanded it, another entirely to glare down at Abigail when she looked like she did.
He instead settled for as close to a blank, expressionless mask as he could, and walked off to meet her.
"So." Jon's voice came as they were a few feet apart. "We need to talk. And I'd rather not do it with Athena and my sister in the car with us, so it's here and now."
Steve didn't speak for a moment. Why did Jon have to be here! This just made things a lot more complicated. But the guy was right. A talk was unavoidable, and though this was maybe not an ideal time, there probably wouldn't ever be one. He had to let him down, here and now as he'd said, before he could ever get to be anything more than a permanent, embarrassing distraction. It was definitely the dread of Jon's possible reaction, and not the thought of letting him down and breaking his heart, that made his chest tighten like that.
So he focused on emptying his mind of Abigail's feelings and tried to be as rational as he possibly could about this. He was just talking to some guy, as a guy, and this was not going to be awkward. He just had to focus, breathe, and think Steve thoughts. Right. He could do this.
He looked up at Jon and his heart trembled, and he could feel his face flush (and hoped to hell Jon was too dense to notice), but he managed to keep his mind empty and his voice neutral.
"Right, yeah. I guess we do."
Jon's face was expressionless, and it remained that way as he was the one who dropped a bomb.
"I know you're Steve."
Steve rocked back on his heels. What? Jon knew? But, how? How had he found out? It couldn't be his tormentor, that'd go against his entire plan, and no one else knew. How did Jon know? And how did he see him now? Was the blank look on his face disgust at knowing who "Abigail" really was? Did Jon feel revolted by his sight now that he knew his secret?
And why did that possibility bother him so much?
He took a deep breath and centered himself again. He tried anyway. All his efforts to keep a clear mind had been blown apart by the emotional fucking nuke Jon had just dropped on him, and he just couldn't find his balance again.
"Well, now you know. Il bet you're a few seconds away from laughing you ass off." He said. His voice sounded weak, even to him, and he couldn't look Jon in the eyes. "What are you going to do with that knowledge?"
Jon shook his head. "Actually Steve, I'm not laughing. I don't think what's happened to you is funny, even if I don't like you much. And I wasn't planning on doing anything about it. Not before talking to you."
Steve's head whipped up and he looked Jon straight in the eyes. How could he remain so... so stoic? Had the roles been inverted, had Steve held this sort of power over a guy he disliked as much as he was sure Jon disliked him, after the disappointment of finding out who the hot chick he was into really was, he would not have been nearly so pleasant. He'd have gloated, he'd have made sure to let everyone find out what had befallen the asshole he disliked and reveled in it. Hell, considering Abigail's body, he might have used that one for blackmail to score with a goddess basically for free. He wouldn't have needed to, of course, but in Jon's place, who we was pretty damn sure was still a virgin, it would have been hard to pass up the chance.
So how could Jon just toss that aside like it hadn't even occurred to him? Was he about to turn it around on him and just name his terms? He could demand anything, and if Steve didn't want to cease existing as an individual he'd have to go along with it. He could even get him to... He flushed. But he still had to know.
"Why?" His voice was hoarse and his eyes were still fixed on Jon's, looking for the hidden spark of malicious glee he knew must be lurking there.
Instead, Jon paused for a moment. His expressionless mask dropped for the first time in the conversation and he looked a bit taken aback, and when he replied, he sounded almost uncertain, confused, as if he didn't comprehend that the answer might not have been utterly self-evident.
"Because it wouldn't be right."
Steve stood still in silent shock for a moment, taking in what he'd just said. And then he felt himself heat up and get angry, despite his best efforts to remain in control of his emotions, and his thoughts transformed into words before he had a chance to even register them.
"What do you mean 'because it wouldn't be right'!? You know who I am, you know you hate my guts, you know you can completely fuck me over! I choked and threatened you just the other night dammit! So how can you just step away from it all and take the moral fucking high ground!?" He was shouting now, his voice filled with fire. "How can you pretend you don't want to seize this opportunity and get back at me, ruin my life!? " In the last small and distant part of his brain that wasn't overflowing with a surge of messy thoughts and feelings, he noted that he felt tears on his cheeks. When he spoke next, he surprised even himself with the desperate, raw emotion in his voice. "How can you just stand there and pretend you still care about me!?"
His breath was ragged. His face was flushed. And he'd stepped closer to Jon at some point during his tirade. Jon hadn't stepped back. They were standing close to each other now. Way too close.
Jon's voice was soft, too low to hear had he not been standing right next to him, and he spoke with gentle sympathy, damn him. "I'm not pretending anything, Steve. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want us to have to fight. I am not your enemy, and you don't have to be mine."
"Bullshit," Steve muttered, but even he could tell his voice lacked conviction. "You're lying. You have to be."
He heard Jon sigh. He wasn't looking at him to see his expression. "Look, Steve, you don't have to believe me if you don't want to. For now, let's just get in the car and go home. You can take a shower, eat something, get some sleep, and then we can discuss it tomorrow. Alright?"
No, it wasn't alright dammit, Steve thought bitterly. He was exhausted, an emotional wreck, he had tears on his cheeks, his ego had just taken a huge blow, and he definitely needed all the things Jon had named and then some. But it wouldn't fix his problem. He'd still be a girl, still have some mysterious tormentor lording it over him... and still be unable to get Jon out of his mind.
Still, he took a breath, and though he didn't feel any better, he answered: "Yeah. Alright."
They walked back to the car. Zoe and Athena had stopped talking at some point, probably when Steve had started shouting, and were looking at the two of them as they returned. And then, without a word, they claimed the back seats, leaving him to go in front, with Jon driving.
Great.
The ride back to Jon's house was long, tense, and very quiet.
