Jon began with a few precautionary wishes.
"First, until I wish otherwise, I wish that no one will try to take the stone away from me.
"Second, until I wish otherwise, I wish I couldn't lose the stone, no matter what happens to me.
"Third, until I wish otherwise, I wish the stone couldn't be damaged or destroyed.
"Fourth, until I wish otherwise, I wish that neither I nor Jeff will be assaulted or harmed."
With those chores out of the way, Jon began working on the real problem. "OK, now I wish that my cell phone would disappear from its current location and appear in my pocket, and that no one would object to my having it."
"Hey, cool, they let you keep your phone!" Jeff remarked after Jon removed it from his pocket.
"Yeah, how about that?" Jon remarked as he dialed Alan's number.
"S'up?" Alan answered.
"Alan, it's Jon. Jeff and I are just hangin' out here at the jail... Yeah, the cops just arrested us... Assault... OK, assault and battery... I dunno; criminal, I suppose... Yeah... So Alan, did you call the cops or what?... Uh huh... Uh-huh... Well, Alan, is there any way we can make it up to you?... No, if there were a way to change back, I'd use it myself... Yeah, bummer... Who is it?... Oh yeah, I know her... Oh he is?... Well is there some way we can make it up to him?... Well, I dunno, the magic shower is pretty crazy... Uh-huh... Maybe something else just as crazy or more could happen... What kinds of things is he afraid of?... Ah-hah!... Yeah, OK... OK... OK... I understand... OK, I'll get back to you... Yeah, well, maybe there's a way... OK, bye... OK, bye... OK... Bye!"
"What was all that?" Jeff wondered.
"Alan's pissed, so to speak, about the whole magic shower incident, but he never would've called the cops on his own. His dad's a lawyer, though, and he figures he can sue us and get a big settlement out of it. So, to establish guilt, he got Alan to file criminal charges of assault and battery.
"If we're found guilty of criminal assault and battery, that makes it easier for Alan's dad to win a civil case against us. The civil case is where the big payout comes from. This really isn't about them wanting us in jail. It isn't even about them taking money away from us. We don't have enough to bother with. But they figure the school district and the city government and their insurance companies can pay out big time. Plus, Alan's dad can make additional money by representing the other guys who got changed."
"Well, it's not like we beat Alan up or anything. Lots of guys get thrown in gym showers," Jeff noted.
"Battery is any physical contact with another person against their will. Assault is any attempt to commit battery. The usual defenses are insufficient evidence, factual innocence (like it wasn't us), lack of intent (such as an accident), defense of others or property, provocation, intoxication, and insanity," Jon explained after wishing for some legal expertise.
"We were provoked, remember? Alan was teasing that he and Joseph could double-date us? He called us pussies!" Jeff recalled.
"Yeah, but provocation usually doesn't make you innocent. It only affects sentencing. And it'll be obvious to anyone that we knew what throwing Alan into the shower would do to him. We just saw what it did to you. And we knew Alan didn't want a pussy because he was belittling ours. There were plenty of witnesses to say it was us. We certainly weren't defending property, or drunk, or insane. They probably have a case."
"There must be something we can do," Jeff agonized.
"Yeah, well, Alan is mostly upset because he thinks his girlfriend might leave him. Maybe something'll happen that brings them closer together. But Alan's dad won't be so easy. He's smelling millions of dollars and until he tests the waters, he won't be willing to settle," Jon explained.
"There must be something that can make him stop," Jeff pleaded.
"Well, it turns out he's afraid of vampires. He thinks they might really exist," Jon mentioned in an off-hand way.
