"I wish that humans didn't HAVE genders and reproduced by asexual budding like yeast and had no comprehension of the feeling of sexual pleasure just like some people are unable to feel pain, and moreover that nobody had any understanding what it was even like to have a gender, and that they would look at animals that reproduced using sex with scientific curiosity at best."
Karyn was appalled. Jon was going to completely send the human condition crumbling down! She tried to take away the stone several times through this longwinded description in the wish, but then at the end, could feel the stone take effect and was suddenly indifferent. It was like Jon now. They both remembered having a sex, and were the only two humans who did. But the memory was just this weird foreign impossible to comprehend thing. It was revolting to them, in fact, to think that humans were like those creatures, like the other mammals, that were driven by such pathetic motivations. They knew it was the case, but why hadn't they wished to cure themselves of that terrible disease as soon as they had gotten their hands on the rock? They were simply free of this horrible biological curse that they were enslaved by before. Free to live their lives and pursue matters that were actually worthy of an intelligent species. Sexual drive was something for lower animals after all, not for conscious beings with what might be called souls. Not immortal souls that survive when you die, because those definitely don't exist and people who believe in those are mentally defective as well, soul as in just some sort of essence, some self-aware self at the core.
"That's much better, Jon," Karyn said. "Thanks for stopping me from getting the stone away from you. Good reflexes, but I guess I was swiping at you like a total noob after all. But what can you expect, I was clearly not in my right mind. This simplifies many things that should have been simple before, if we weren't so certifiable before."
"I knew you would agree," said Jon. "Let's go play video games and eat candy."
"Ahhh, the two greatest pleasures in all of human existence. You have good taste."
And they all lived happily ever after. And then all the now genderless people who used to be social justice warriors or feminists and yet were smart enough to contain a single coherent logical thought inside their tiny brains, which was a good 4 percent of them, found something that was relatively worthwhile to do with their lives instead, like basketweaving, coal mining, or cattle ranching (because let's face it, they ain't gonna prove the Riemann Hypothesis), and stopped being complete cucks instead.
The end.
P.S. And then Bill Nye's brain exploded. Ken Ham's too. They just went POP.
The actual end.
