ThePro's profile

Fair, just want to say I love your work and would be very interested in brainstorming and collaborating with you, if you'd be into that.

I have to ask, does maid-Karyn actually speak French? I'd honestly kind of find it amusing if she doesn't speak French any better than she did before, she's just compelled to use it inappropriately and fake an accent.

Has Enfuego ever been on the discord?

https://discord.gg/BTNR6F WARNING: there is currently politics in the channel entitled General Bullshit

Fantastic episode. By the way I'm on the beaddventure discord if you ever want to talk in a more real time format about kink writing.

Damn man. You weren't kidding about stepping your game up. I mean, your previous entries were good, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed them a lot. But this is still way better. The prose is great, the characterization of Karyn vs. Seraphina is fun, and I love the play on how some old fantasy authors really sucked at writing female characters.

I think it still works. We're already close to but not quite at the edge of where that would go. Might be good to keep in mind for flexibility's sake.

That would certainly make sense given where we're taking it so far. Though personally I found a lot of the fairly PG fantasy like Wheel of Time to be sexually charged in a subdued, circumspect way. Character's can't cuss and the women are all aloof but here's a loving description of how great all their tits look in this over-detailed dress design.

And yeah love what you're doing with the contrast between Jon and Karyn's characters. And the excerpt from the awful fantasy novel. Personally I was never sure if the world the bookmark generated should match what it was used on 100% or just the essence of it. But I think you're getting a lot out of it being a specific setting.

I was always a sucker for the adolescent romance overtones of the first chapter between Jon and Karyn, to be honest. Although you could do a similar thing if Karyn was bi thus eliminating the choice for her while leaving that subplot open as a possibility. Alternatively, could just screw the both of them again. They're blessed by a fertility goddess right? Meaning, breeding. Maybe other elves are just fine with what anyone might get up to sexually, but the royal family is always 100% straight.

But really, I trust you to come up with something good. I'm quite eager.

Which is not to say that you should rush to that scene. I'm enjoying what you're doing and this characterization of Karyn. If you have something more planned here I'm also eager to see it. Or if you want to continue Jon's romantic interlude. Great job.

Good stuff. Seraphina is a biiiit of a Mary Sue I see. Can't wait to see what you had in mind for the meeting with Jon.

I like where you seem to be going with the edits but it really wasn't necessary. And thanks for the praise.

So yeah pulled out something here that used to be one of the most cringe-inducing "conflicts" in the worst examples of fantasy. Female lead that has a unique striking feature that she's convinced makes her ugly until the male lead proves with the approval of his dick that she's really beautiful all along.

I've got one more in me, this was just getting too long. Done in just a bit, sorry.

Ok make that three. I'm gonna go ahead and post two so I don't lose them then get the third out real quick, then it's all you.

Next bit will be two episodes with Jon, then I'm spent for now.

Well I was actually planning to introduce the love interest and an old bad-fantasy cliché about female leads when I first started writing.

Posted. I dunno if you want to do the next one or if I should.

Alright I should have something in a bit. Here's hoping it works. It's been awhile.

I think I might actually have something here but I don't want to derail you too much if you've already got a Jon/Allaria ep coming up or in progress.

I'm enjoying that this appears to indeed be a tedious and clichéd book. Following from that, I get the feeling that this version of the Princess is probably a carefree little sprite that likes to cavort in the gardens and dream of far-off places in contrast to her ice queen mother. And of course, probably a forbidden romance coming up.

Well you're doing a better job than I did back in the day. Would you be interesting in sharing your plans, if you have any in particular?

Not only did someone add to one of my ancient poorly written episodes, it was the one with my favorite concept; and the episode was far better than what preceded it.

I love it. Can't wait to see where you're going with it.

Well done. Interesting twist with the mother loving it and the father hating it. Makes sense and can add a lot I think. The writing itself is quite good as well, shows a lot of potential. There's some issues with tenses here and there but that's just down to obsessive editing. Also the perspective and exposition could maybe use a bit of polish, since it took me awhile to figure out what was a Real Karyn thought and what was a Sarah Karyn thought. Although it may have been meant to be deliberately ambiguous and I'm just pretty stupid at the moment.

In any case,I really enjoyed this. Thanks for adding. I'd love to see more.