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2. Kevin Black: Who the Hell is K

1. You Are What You Wish

Kevin Black: Who the Hell is Karen?

on 2024-06-02 00:17:36
Episode last modified by KioLio on 2024-06-02 00:23:54

570 hits, 108 views, 4 upvotes.


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Kevin fingered the stone, passing it from hand to hand, feeling its smoothness. The first thing he tried was wishing the branch back to light blue, with no success as I had predicted. He was just contemplating changing the colour of his shoes to better match his old slacks when we were interrupted by a high-pitched laugh.

Sarah McMillan, head cheerleader and class-A bitch, was wandering across the yard followed by her usual entourage of drooling, overmuscled football players and other assorted testosterone-fueled flunkies.

Kevin smirked. "Damn, get a load of McMillan. She might be a bitch, but I wouldn't mind enjoying those McMuffins, if you know what I mean."

"You've made that joke before, Kevin." I noted, although I had to admit that Sarah wasn't hard on the eyes, even though I'd never associate himself with someone with such an untrustworthy character.

"Can you blame me?" He smirked at me, "A super hottie like her, and she's out there changing boyfriends like shirts. Even a guy like me has a chance."

Jon grinned. "Psh, sure thing K. I think I'd prefer someone a little less sociopathic though. You know, someone down to earth, friendly, attractive, into the same stuff as me..." Jon's voice trailed off, and his gaze became distant.

Kevin shrugged. "Sure thing, lover boy. When you find that unicorn, you let me know. I'll attend your wedding in Narnia." Kevin turned his attention back to Sarah, muttering,

I didn't quite hear what he said as a subtle tickle caused me to look away...

I chuckled internally at Jon's fantasy, then shrugged. "Sure thing, lover boy. When you find that unicorn, you let me know. I'll attend your wedding in Narnia." I turned my attention back to Sarah, watching her shower her flirtatious attention on anyone of adequate social status. "God, I wish I could get some long blonde, big boob attention like that."

I felt an aggressive tickle in my eyes and blinked as the magic assailed me. My stomach dropped and my face went pale as I realized the magic of the stone had just activated.

I was too shocked to register what I'd just said, but I could see the surprise on Jon's face. He clearly wanted to warn me, but of course it was too late to take it back.

With the same sense of detachment as one might feel looking at a friends vacation photos, I looked down, a mere observer in this unfamiliar scene. I was still in my same baggy green sweater, but it was now filled by the swell of sizable breasts. I... could feel them, sort of? More than that I could feel straps digging into my shoulders, and squeezing my middle. Hair fell into my vision as I looked down. Light blond silky strands, draped gracefully over my shoulders, and tumbled delicately over my ear and into my vision. I picked up a lock, and uttered the only word that could really describe my realization.


The word was drenched in dread and shock.

Jon sighed, "Indeed. This is why I wanted to lock this thing away. This sort of thing was bound to happen."

"What the hell, Jon! We have to fix this." My voice was tight, bright and unfamiliar.

"Look, we can figure something out later, but for now..." He snatched the stone from my hand, which was left trembling by my side. "The last thing we need is for you to make it worse with another rash wish."

"Dude, why the hell are you taking this so easy? I've just ruined my life."

He held up his hands defensively. "Look, I think you looked better as a redhead too, but 'ruined your life' is a bit dramatic."

I blustered, unable to find my words. "And the tits?" I spat. "That's all hunky dory to you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Kare, it's not going to kill you to deal with bigger boobs for a day. I told you we'll figure something out."

"Kare? Jon, what the hell are you talking about? Who's Kare?"

Jon met my eyes and blinked. "You?" He said, his response twisted with subtle concern.

"No. I'm not." I stated flatly. "I'm Kevin you dumbass, what's wrong with you?."

"Karen..." He replied, brow twisting in confusion, before settling into realization. "Very funny, but I heard the wish, so I remember the real you."

"Ok, Jon, Now you're the one messing with me." I realized I was shouting and lowered my voice to a sharp whisper. "Dude, this is not funny, look at me! We've got to change me back, now!"

"Dammit Karen, Just relax we still have the stone, we can fix you when you've calmed down a bit."

"I told you, I'm not Karen!" My eyes were wide with growing frenzy.

Slowly realization dawned on Jon's face. "Are you... serious?"

"Yes! Now give me the friggan stone so I can undo this."

"Karen, I heard your wish, you just wished for blonde hair and boobs like Sarah. That's why I remember you with red hair."

"Ok, except I didn't have tits before the wish!" I stammered, hefting the weights on my chest brazenly and letting them drop. The sensation caused me to fluster, and Jon blushed and looked away.

"I mean they were smaller, but I wouldn't say you didn't have..."

"Dammit Jon! I wasn't a girl!" I snapped.

"Y-you definitely were."

"Give me the stone."

"No way."

"Jon, I swear to god, give me the stone, or I will beat the shit out of you. I'm not kidding."

"I'm not either, Karen. You shouldn't make a wish like this, you're only going to make things worse." He tightened his grip on the stone, and held it further away from me.

"I told you my name is Kevin!" I made a clumsy lunge for the stone, which he easily side stepped.

"Ok Stop." He insisted. "If you're really Kevin then how come I remember you as Karen?"

"I don't know," I replied, "You said you only remember reality if you hear the wish!"

"Right, and I heard the wish."

"So why don't you remember me?"

"I do! The real question is why do you think you're a guy."

"Because I am one!" I huffed, and took a wavering breath to calm myself. Is this... Am I so flustered because I'm a girl, or is this how'd I'd feel otherwise? My brain felt like it was pure emotional electricity from front to back, and it was tough to get my thoughts in order. "Ok. Jon, If I'm a girl, how come I remember going to your birthday last year, glitch hunting in Zelda all night?"

"Uhh, because I invited you." He said smartly.

"Yeah, and your mom, Ms. Strict Gibson, actually let a girl stay at your house all night?"

"Yeah, she did." He replied. "I slept on the couch, and you took my..."

"Oh screw off! I slept on the floor in your room. I remember because your dumbass forgot to give me pillow, so I just slept on my sweater."

"No, Zoe and mom brow beat me until I gave you my bed, all while you teased me about being a gentleman."

The two of us sat glaring at one another simmering with a facade of anger atop a growing sense of dread. At last the tension parted, allowing a breath of acceptance between us.

"Fuck Jon, what are we going to do?" I finally asked.

"I... I don't know." He replied, suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation.

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