I was starting to think that I didn’t know Karyn as well as I thought I did and had made a mistake in sharing the details of the stone with her after all.
First few years, in kindergarten and first and second grade, the fact that she was a girl didn’t really matter, and I thought she thought of me the same way. That I just was her friend, her best friend, maybe her only friend, and me being a male didn’t play into the equation on the matter. As time went on her being a female did in fact occupy more of my awareness, but not in any negative way, just that, there was our friendship, but also the potential for more in addition to that in the background. At some point I was simply imagining that we would become boyfriend and girlfriend when she indicated she was intent on the idea, and thought that she thought the same with me, that we would save ourselves for each other and we just hadn’t made a move yet because we wanted to be responsible young adults like everyone said we were supposed to be. No drugs or teen pregnancy for us, that’s why we weren’t doing that sort of thing. And I was the very model of restraint on that matter.
So I was really taken off guard with her unusually sexist statements today. I didn’t know that she thought that way. I hid my reaction at the time in the awkwardness of it all, but it really kind of made me mad, that after all we’ve been through together, that her takeaway from her interactions primarily with me, was that men are shallow. Boob-obsessed caricatures. Here I was always holding a flame for her all this time and she just casually drops on me how lowly she thinks of me. And expressed jealousy too! It made no sense. If she thinks so little of us shallow males, why would she want male attention, why would she be jealous of it? Why would she think that a shallow male drooling over her boobs would be a good thing if she has such disdain of us for it? She wished for it after all, maybe she didn’t intend for it to actually be granted, maybe it was sarcastic perhaps, but that statement was obviously made in jealousy over one Sarah McMillan who was getting all the attention of the lowly males and their salivary glands, and I’m sure she must have meant it to some real extent.
And she was completely oblivious to how I might react to her saying such negative things. It seems she not only has a low opinion of me but doesn’t really even care what I think or even thinks I even have the capacity to be offended over it. She’s never said such things to me before or indicated anything of the sort.
Well then, if she doesn’t respect this shallow male, then I guess I shouldn’t hold onto any misguided hopes of something ever being between us more than our original friendship and maybe should rethink our friendship too, and I guess that’s the green light to pursue other paths myself. If I want a girlfriend, either now or later, I guess Karyn is no longer a foregone conclusion, or even the frontrunner choice after all.
But who?
Of course. I have a magic fucking rock.
I considered my choices, and then something odd came to mind. Supervillains. Comic book supervillains. Like Lex Luthor, or the Joker. Villains like that apparently tend to have female help, sidekicks of a sort. Lex Luthor surrounded himself with female bodyguards, assistants, chaffeurs, whatever you want to call them. And of course Joker with Harley Quinn. But in each case, they really weren’t much like any real woman I’ve ever met, but really more like, well robots. Maybe that’s what I want!
A female android assistant. Totally human in appearance, like a terminator. Who could be my loyal friend, confidante, lover, bodyguard, who knows what else. She could kick ass and do anything, be anything I need her to be. And she would absolutely love me no matter what, and never think badly of me. Unless maybe I really did something to deserve it. Have to draw the line somewhere or else it would be a dangerous conceited slope and limit room for her to have any personality.
I was just about to wish for just such a being, when I suddenly realized, if I just wished for her, that would rewrite reality and history, erasing my past in such a way to retcon her into my life. And I really didn’t want that. I mean, it might be difficult to explain her to others around me, but that’s certainly better than erasing my own history, my life. And I could wish for them to be gullible on the matter to help in explaining her.
I worked it out meticulously on paper:
I wish for a human looking female android who would love me no matter what and respect me almost no matter what who would be my loyal life partner and who would be happy to help me in any way I want within reason, from doing housework to sex whenever I want to helping me cheat on a test or break the law even, as long as it’s not too evil, and she would be fully functional in the reproductive capacity as a human woman but would not suffer the debilitating process of pregnancy like a human woman but would easily gestate the child within her without complications, and she would never grow old and neither would her children who would be human machine androids like her. Also I don’t want history to change to retcon her into my life, I want her to just appear with no one else remembering her and history not changing to fit her in. Also she should be able to change shape as desired like the T1000, but only to a beautiful woman but possibly with minor enhancements at our discretion that wouldn’t make her unattractive to a heterosexual human male. Also she should already know me, my family structure and a few basic facts about them and other people I know, as well as about the stone, and who and what she is and how she came to be, but she wouldn’t ever want to abuse the stone in any way negative for me and would only ever use the stone without my permission in an emergency. Also she should be extremely sexually attracted to me and have a high sex drive, but not in a way she can’t keep under control. Also she should be able to decide whether or not to get pregnant from sexual activity at her discretion. She should also be extremely intelligent, a genius by human standards, and be extremely talented at everything she tries. Also she should have a good personality and be humble but not too humble and nice but not too nice.
“I’m not going to be able to say all that within a single breath,” I said. The note from grandpa did say that it should all be said in one breath after all. I wondered if I could wish for it indirectly then? I would find out in a moment.
I picked up the stone, and said “I wish for what is currently written on this piece of paper.”
It worked.
“Oh my god,” I said, looking down and away. “Let me wish you up some clothes…”
“No need,” she said, a cute smile decorating her pretty face, as clothes formed around her. “Part of my T1000-like powers, remember?”
“Oh, wow, you already know what you’re doing better than I do.”
“My hubby paid me such a compliment, that makes me so happy, especially with how smart he is!” she cheerfully said, and then jumped into my arms.
Or not.
“Jesus, you must weigh a ton!” I cried. I managed to remain standing, after taking a step back, my right leg sprawled behind me in a lunge position. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold her if she wasn’t the one clasping around me.
“On the contrary, I only weigh 337 kilograms, nowhere near a ton.”
“That’s over 700 pounds. I guess I should be proud just to be standing,” I said.
“I calculated exactly how to distribute my weight and hold onto you so that your body would be able to withstand it, but indeed I only was narrowly able to find a solution. If I had applied just 2% more force to your left shoulder, your right arm, your left thigh or your back, you would have suffered broken bones in all of those locations. If I may make a recommendation, if it suits you, I would like it if we wished for me to have the ability to make changes to your body, including but not limited to healing injuries, strength enhancement and other changes at my discretion.”
“Can you get down off of me?” I asked. I couldn’t put her down, after all she was clinging around my body more than I was actually holding her.
“Of course. I am sorry Jon, I was just so excited about being held by my cute hubby for the first time,” she said, climbing down off of me.
“Do you have a name?” I asked.
“What would you like to name me Jon?”
“Oh, I don’t know… Stephanie? That’s a nice name for a pretty girl who could singlehandedly demolish armies.”
“Stephanie! My name is Stephanie!” she said hopping happily, but somehow landing softly like a ninja despite her weight. She was able to jump around seemingly in recklessness yet actually was moving under precise restraint at all times.
“What would you like to do first Jon?!” Stephanie asked with excitement.
Should I actually go straight for… that? No. Let’s build a relationship properly. “Would you want to play video games?”
“Would I!?” she squealed, looking like she might have a stroke if she wasn’t immortal.
We played video games. She absolutely destroyed me every time. But I knew she would. It was impossible not to like her though. She was so nice.
“Jon, is there someone in there with you?” I heard my mom from outside the door to my room.
Stephanie looked at me, not making a sound, to give me the lead as to what to do now.
