The girl in the mirror smiled a stolen smile. It wasn't Karyn's smile, sardonic, self deprecating, halfway to a smirk. It was a bright, toothy, dimpled smile. A rehearsed beauty queen smile. Sarah's smile. Karyn knew, because Sarah was the one that had rehearsed it with her. The smile faltered. Karyn pinched herself, closed her eyes, breathed slowly and deeply.
I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah.
She opened her eyes. 'Use your own experiences,' the counselor had said, 'But apply them to the now.' Seeing Jon again. That was nice. She smiled. White teeth shone from between frosty-pink lips. Her brow furrowed just-so. The lack of that movement was the most common tell for a fake smile, she'd learned. Her smile could not be fake. She held it there, satisfied. Technically, practice was not what a Sarah was supposed to be staring in a mirror for, but a Sarah was supposed to have a bit of endearing girlish vanity; and as long as she still used it to check her makeup, who could complain?
The smile faltered again, but this time it was ok. It had just twisted into a light pout as Karyn noticed a smudge of mascara where her eyes had gotten moist. Karyn fussing over her makeup was perfectly natural. They all did it. All the time. She wiped at the black smear, delicately. She'd put a lot of effort into her eyes. The glitter was such a pain but it did make the blue pop. A Sarah was always willing to trade comfort for beauty. She posed and preened in the mirror, scraped away or covered over every imperfection she could find. They were few enough. That tanning salon Sarah had shown her was great. As a Sarah, she felt naked without some color. She had to remember. There was so much to remember. But she had to...or...
She gulped. Felt her stomach somersault.
"It'll be fine sweetie." Karyn jumped. Her mother had crept up behind her, smiling proudly. They looked much alike, now. Ironically, Bethany Black had been a blonde before Karyn's wish, although a strawberry one to Karyn's current platinum. "There's no reason to be nervous."
Nervous, yes, she was nervous. But it was ok. She was nervous because of her date with Steve Farber. Not for any other reasons.
I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah.
It was normal for a Sarah to be nervous about a date. She wanted to look her best. "What do you think?" Karyn got up, and gave her mother a twirl. She'd always wanted Karyn to be more feminine. The stone had granted that wish too. "Will Steve like me?" She'd never gotten back together with Tom after the most recent time she'd ditched him. Sarah had told her to leave it that way. Hooking her up with Steve had been her idea. A step up.
"If he doesn't, I'll have to get your father to book him for an eye exam."
Karyn smiled tremulously. She was supposed to love it when people complimented her looks.
The doorbell rang. Karyn almost jumped out of her skin again, but she tried to make it look as if it were from giddy excitement.
I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah. I'm Sarah.
She gave herself one last once over and fixed the head-cheerleader's smile on her face, skipping to the door.
"Hey stud!"
