*Except, what if he was telling the truth *
My entire train of thought derailed when I heard a toilet flush inside one of the stalls. My heart almost stopped beating for a moment. Should have checked under the doors, *I thought bitterly. Slowly I turned as I heard the stall door open. I saw Michelle Walters there and she was giving me the oddest, most creeped-out look I'd ever seen.
"Um?" she started, and that about summed it up.
"Shit," I whispered. "Shit, shit, shit."
"Natalie?" she asked, "What's "*
Good Intentions
I didn't even realize I was doing it, but as she started to speak, I slipped my hand into my pocket, felt my flesh contact the cold surface of the ancient stone. I barely whispered, hoping she wouldn't hear me, "I wish that Michelle couldn't see or hear anything I said or did." It was about then that the little voice inside my head, you know the one I mean. It sits there, watching everything you do, scrutinizing every action you take and then the instant you do something stupid or wrong: BAM! It pounces. Have you even noticed how it always seems to happen immediately after the fact? You know, when the warning is completely useless. Well, as soon as the words escaped my lips, that little voice dutifully leapt into action. My eyes went wide as I realized what a stupid thing I'd done.
"No! No!" I shouted. "Wait! Backsies! Do over!" It was too late though, not that there'd really been any hope on my part. I saw that annoying flash of light before I was halfway through my pleading. "Shit!" Of course my little outburst was lost on the only other individual in the room, and it became obvious that my wish had done what it was supposed to. And boy am I learning the difference between: What it was supposed to do, and: What I intended it to do.
"Shit," I whispered again. "Michelle? Michelle, can you hear me?" For her part, Michelle walked over to the mirror, took a quick look and a moment to smooth down her hair, and left the ladies room.
Then I noticed that my hand was still on the rock. I hadn't let go of it yet! Maybe if I , I thought about it for a moment and realized that my thought had been so stupid that I really needed to be chastised out loud. "Yeah, maybe if you were playing checkers or chess Dumbass." I shook my head and looked at my sorry expression in the mirror. As reality began to sink in, reality being a very funny word right now, I tried to slow my breathing back to normal.
*Michelle and I hadn't exactly been best friends, right? I mean it's not like we really ever talked to each other anyway so maybe this wouldn't be so bad * It was worth hoping anyway. Right now hope seemed like a very funny word too. Taking a moment to wash my hands, I decided it was time to head back to class.
"Really?" I asked myself as I made my way back out into the halls. "That's what you wished for? You couldn't wish that, oh I don't know, she just hadn't been in the bathroom, or something like that?" I shook my head one more time. I seriously have to watch myself with this thing, I thought. Maybe I'd have been better off just leaving it in my locker. Hell, might have even been safer for the world in general if somebody had stolen it.
The rest of the first half of my day went substantially better. Of course, considering the bar I'd set by my performance this morning, that wasn't exactly a major accomplishment. As I sat through American History and Physical Science, my mind wandered toward Malcolm again. What exactly had that all been about? Up to this point, given his behavior and his annoyingly smug attitude, I really hadn't thought that he was accountable to anybody. He'd seemed very much the self-employed type. It seemed that this assumption, along with many others I'd held dear all my life, just wasn't holding up to the scrutiny. He'd seemed genuinely concerned when he'd told me Those lies, about Grandpa. Even though a part of me, deep, deep down was considering the possibility that there might be something to what he was saying, I still wasn't ready to believe it. So, I had to wonder exactly who my annoying friend was beholden to, and what they could do to him to make him seem so I guessed frazzled was as good a word as any.
Mr. Forrester called on me once during American History to answer some question about the American Revolution, but I hadn't really been paying attention, nor did I care at the moment. After a rather embarrassing moment, where I kept completely silent, he moved onto another student. I really didn't pay attention to whom, or what the answer was. Right now, I didn't care.
I did see Biff during Science, which made me feel better. As hard as it was to shake the image of him lying dead in the classroom, I forced myself to smile. I thought about walking over to him and just taking a minute or two to shoot the shit, as it were, but decided against it. Mostly I stopped myself when that annoying inner voice popped up again.
What about Rick?
To be honest, I hadn't really thought about Rick today. A little wave of guilt started to build inside. Were we really dating? I mean sure, we'd spent some time together, and obviously there'd been the sex. A thin smile crossed my lips as I thought about that. Really amazing sex, I corrected, but does that make him my boyfriend? I glanced longingly at Biff, cautiously averting my eyes when it seemed I was in danger of being caught. I'd had a crush on Biff since seventh grade and, even thought I was one of the more popular girls in the school, he rarely said more than a passing Hello. As soon as I felt my hand sliding down toward my pocket, I shook myself back to reality. I thought about Karyn, and Jill, and more recently Michelle.
I have to be careful with this thing.
So, for the moment I let it slide. At the very least I felt considerably better knowing that Biff was alive and seemed none the worse for For the ordeal I guess he really didn't go through, I thought. The way that the stone altered or, as Malcolm had explained, merged realities was definitely wrought with confusion. On one hand I remembered seeing Biff gunned down; and Sarah, Michelle, Derrick, and Steve for that matter. On the other hand, they were all here alive and well. Confusing to say the least.
Somehow I managed to make it too lunch. I found myself walking into the cafeteria, or the commons as we called it, amidst a crowd of people. There was a lot of noise and it was really hard to hear myself think, let alone actually try and understand what any one person was saying. The food was served from alcoves along the wall, and the center of the large room was littered with tables, students, and, well litter. I made my way to the end of the queue, and followed the slow train of people. This always takes so long.
"I wish I were being served already," it was barely a whisper, and truth be told, I hadn't even realized I'd made the wish until I saw the flash of light, and found myself standing in front of the alcove holding out a tray. I rolled my eyes as the lunch lady set the slice of pizza on my tray. "Way to be careful," I thought quietly out loud. I grabbed a carton of milk, paid for my lunch and headed out into the sea of tables and students.
A few people brushed up against me as I made my way toward the same seats we'd used since we'd started here last year. A couple of the guys who brushed past turned to smile at me. One of them was actually kind of cute so I flashed him a quick little grin in return. No time to be going boy crazy, I reminded myself. I really have been today, haven't I? I thought. There'd been the incident where I'd nearly wished some kind of horrible humiliation on Kristy because she had Biff's attention. Then, there'd been the near incident with Malcolm in the ladies room. Of course, I was still pretty sure that wasn't entirely my fault. Then, when I'd seen Biff later, I had to work hard to avoid going up to him. Then there was Rick of course.
I sat down next to Rachel and across from Sarah. Sarah looked up from her salad and smiled. When I glanced over at Rachel, I was a little concerned to notice that she didn't look quite as happy. Before I could delve into that, Sarah started in on her day. "I swear," she said after she finished chewing a bite of her salad, "Guys are just "
We didn't have the opportunity to learn what guys were. I felt somebody come up behind me and recognized the voice immediately.
"Is this seat taken?" I heard Michelle ask. I closed my eyes and lowered my head.
"Stupid wish," I mumbled. Both Sarah and Rachel were throwing me odd looks. Now, I suppose I should explain a little bit about the social rankings in the school. People sometimes think that there's simply a group of popular people, and that's where the line is drawn. Anybody who's ever swam the sea of popularity knows that this isn't the case though. The society of the popular could also be broken down into various categories. Sarah, Rachel, and I for instance fell into the attractive cheerleader camp. Now, contrary to what some might tell you, it's possible for people with intelligence to make their way up the social ladder too. Provided of course, they're attractive enough. Michelle fell into that category. She was a brain, no doubt about it, but she was also right up there on the list of girls that our male classmates wanted to bone. Now the different groups don't always get along, but given the overcrowded lunch room, under other circumstances, Sarah and Rachel probably would have given up the empty seat.
"Um, yeah it's kinda taken," Rachel said, looking entirely too confused. She looked at me, and I couldn't keep the guilt from my eyes. I finally had to look away. When she turned back to Michelle, she looked more concerned than confused. "I mean, we're saving it for Natalie."
"Natalie?" Michelle asked.
Now Rachel glanced quickly back at me. The look in her eyes said it all. What the hell did you do? they asked silently.
I groaned softly. Why me? I wondered.
"Well, it looks like your friend's running late," she said, "And there isn't another empty seat in the entire common area." Now Sarah looked extremely confused. Her eyes kept drifting back and forth between me and Michelle, and I could tell she was trying to put a puzzle together with a blindfold over her eyes and thick woolen mittens on her hand. I just shook my head. "So, if you don't mind "
I stood up before Michelle could sit down. Taking my tray with me, I took a bite of my pizza and tapped Rachel on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go sneak a smoke. Come with me?" She nodded and stood up.
We discarded our trays and made a quick stop at my locker. It'd been several hours now since I'd smoked and given the nature of my day so far I was really craving. We made our way outside, made sure that nobody was looking and snuck out behind the old storage building. After I'd lit my cigarette, feeling much better, Rachel attacked.
"Rachel said firmly, "So exactly what the hell happened?"
"I kinda made a wish," I started, not liking the look she was giving me one bit. At least the breeze felt nice. I explained to her what had happened this morning. I told her about the discussion I'd had with Malcolm, thanks to her wish on the rock the other night she knew everything I knew about him although the rock couldn't produce an image of him for her or add anything that I hadn't actually seen. I told her about how Michelle had been in there the entire time and about how foolishly I'd reacted.
She rolled her eyes. "I guess it could have been worse," she finally said.
"Yeah," I said enthusiastically, trying to latch onto anything that didn't make me feel guilty. "And she didn't wash her hand either so gross!" Okay, maybe that had been a bit much. I'd kinda gotten caught up in the: Let's not lay all the blame on Natalie train. "Okay, okay," I relented, "That's beside the point." I paused for a moment as I took another drag. "I saw Biff and Derrick," I told her, "So I know they're okay, but there's still been no sign of Karyn."
Now Rachel had that same slightly sad looking expression on her face that she'd worn back in the commons. "Yeah, there wouldn't be," she finally told me.
"You know something don't you?" I asked rather more forcefully than I'd intended. "But she's alive, right? I mean, the rock told you that earlier didn't it?"
She nodded. "She's alive Nat, but not for lack of trying " Rachel gestured for my cigarette and I handed it over to her. It was clear by the way she took it that I wasn't getting it back. This has gotta be bad, I thought, lighting another one. Rachel almost never smokes a full cigarette. She took a couple of quick drags and the look on her face told me that she was trying to figure out how to say something I definitely wasn't gonna want to hear. Rachel expelled a thin cloud of smoke and started up again. "Karyn, as we know, didn't come in and try to shoot up the school that day "
"But?" I prodded.
"Well, she didn't come to school at all that day Natalie I did some asking around when I didn't see her and "
"Stop hesitating," I told her. "What happened to Karyn?"
"Karyn, happened to Karyn. She didn't make it to school that day because her parents found her in the bathtub. She'd slit her wrists and they found that old song End of the World or whatever, playing." She stopped but it was only to suck on the filter one more time before she continued. I could see her body shaking just a little every so often. "Her parents found her like almost right away, and she hadn't done a very good job of it. To make a long story short, it was touch and go for a while, but they managed to get her to a doctor, and he was able to save her, but "
"But what?"
"They had her committed after that Natalie. Apparently this was just the last in a line of dangerous emotional outbursts "
"No " I moaned softly as I tossed my finished butt on the ground and rubbed it out with my foot. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go Jon and I, we never meant "
Rachel nodded knowingly and place a hand on my shoulder as she finished her commandeered cigarette. "I know," she said softly. "Road to hell, Nat. They say it's paved with good intentions "
Now my defiance reemerged. It wasn't going to end like this. I'd made a promise to Jon. Raising the stone up in the air in my hand I began, "I wish "
