*When I opened my eyes again I knew it was over. Somehow I knew that this was the real world again, and I knew he was gone. It wasn't the fact that the memories of my life, memories that had been suppressed while he was in here with me, had resurfaced. That was a clue, don't get me wrong, but it was more this emptiness that I felt. For better worse, Jon Gibson had been a part of me. The gap left by his departure was almost tangible, almost real enough to trust. I can't lie, I suppose and to be honest there was a very real part of me near the surface that was relieved. My life had been filled with near constant uncertainty while he'd been a part of it. At least I'd be able to put that behind me now. Hell, I might actually be able to move on with my life.
Except
I looked down. I'd already felt it in my hand, warming my palm with the residue of a recent wish. Jon's wish, I thought. I'd never been good at remembering my dreams because, well quite frankly I'd never really cared. Dreams weren't real. If anything, at least in my view they were just random images and thoughts vomited up by the mind while we slept. This one though, I could remember it in perfect clarity. I could remember the way Jon had looked as he'd made his wish, could almost still feel the warmth I'd felt in that brief moment when our lips had brushed together. While I was somewhat relieved to be rid of him on the surface, deep down I missed him. On some level it had almost felt like a piece of me had been violently torn away.
I shook my head. It was too damned early in the morning to be waxing philosophical and I had to hurry if I was going to make my meeting with Rachel. Now, more than ever, I was determined to change the past. Maybe Jon was right, maybe even though he'd made the wish that had rammed our worlds together, he hadn't caused Karyn's misery. That burden lay firmly on my shoulders, and it wasn't a responsibility that I was going to shirk.
Besides, I owe it to him
He'd given himself, made the ultimate sacrifice so that I could be clear-headed enough to do what needed to be done, and I certainly wasn't going to let that sacrifice be in vain. I climbed off the bed, still looking at the rock in my hand. Glancing down at my wardrobe; the designer blue jeans, black T shirt, and tennis shoes that I'd fallen asleep in, I decided to just go with it..
"I wish these clothes were clean, and that I'd already showered and was ready to leave for school." As the instant of light faded, I walked over to the mirror just to make sure. I actually looked pretty good. My long chestnut hair was tied back in a ponytail, with my bangs combed forward, and I'd apparently applied just the slightest touches of makeup. I tilted my head, looking at myself from a different angle. "I wish my lipstick were just a shade darker," I whispered. I took a cloth off of the small vanity counter and dabbed my lips.
"Perfect." I may have just finished having an experience that had changed my very outlook on life, but that was no reason to go out looking like a troll.
I tossed the rock back in my purse as I picked it up, grabbed my book bag and left the comfort and security of my room. A room that I'd lived in for the past year and a half.
Ever since that incident at home
Well, no need to dwell on things like that though. I did a quick check on Violet's bowls as I prepared to head out into the world. It was time to take my life back and put this whole fucking mess behind me *
Period of Adjustment
That's not to say that there wasn't some initial confusion. I stepped outside and felt the cool morning breeze caress my cheek. It felt good and I only then started to realize how hot it had felt inside. I wondered if that was a result of the
Had it been a dream? Could I really call it that?
I made my way down the steps and headed off toward the main road. Jill was gone for the day. Off to another day of dealing with whiny and ungrateful customers at the local Target. At least that's how she told it. I smirked. People certainly weren't my forte, and I sometimes felt that most of them were idiots, but to hear her talk about her eight hours each night, made it sound like the entire human race should have complained themselves into extinction a long time ago. I smiled as I lit a cigarette on pure reflex. I honestly hadn't even noticed what I was doing until I was taking the first relaxing drag of the morning.
When I pulled it out from between my lips, I found myself staring at it for a moment
You could wish you quit! I remembered Jon telling me in frustration. He hadn't really approved of the life I'd lived. I thought about it for a long moment.
I really could fix everything that had gone wrong in my life. I could right all my wrongs and literally erase the mistakes I'd made in my younger days. All I had to do was pick up the rock. It would be so easy. And I did. I took the rock out of my purse, scrutinizing it as I walked my slow and ambling pace. I could almost hear it calling to me now, telling me how much easier I could make my life. All it takes are a few little words. Just say the word and I could have anything I wanted.
I managed to shake those thoughts away, but it wasn't easy. That was exactly what Jon had thought, wasn't it? He'd thought he could have everything he ever wanted. It had cost him everything. I wasn't going to make that mistake.
"Sorry Jonny," I whispered, glancing up at the sky. I wonder if he's up there. I wonder if he's watching over me now? "When I do quit, it's gonna be on my own terms." I took another satisfying drag and expelled the smoke. Maybe I would quit one day, but I was going to do it the old fashioned way. I smiled upward toward the heavens. Until last night, until our shared experience, I'd never really believed in God or the afterlife, or anything like that. I'd been convinced that it was just a bunch of bullshit we force fed ourselves to make us feel better about one day kicking it. Even when Malcolm had told us about the ancient battles that had been waged, I'd been skeptical.
Now I know better.
As I continued on, feeling more comfortable in my own skin than I had in days, I started to think about Grandpa and what he'd said to us before Jon Well, what he'd said. He'd told us about a second stone, a companion piece to the first one. He'd said that it was vitally important that we manage to track it down. The old man had been in a hurry for some reason, and he hadn't been able to tell us much, but he'd said that we I guess that means ME, I thought with a tinge of remorse, needed to find his diary.
Couldn't be that easy though could it? I guess it's worth a shot.
I picked up the stone. "I wish I had my grandfather's diary," I said. Nothing. Of course he'd probably made wishes to protect it from the power of the stone. If he was that worried about it, it only made sense. A little defeated, I tucked the rock into my purse next to the tampons that had served as such a valuable tool the other day.
In a couple of days, I'm really gonna need one, I thought casually. When I'd been joined with Jon, I'd lost all memory of my cycle and where I was. I swear if he'd ruined any of my clothes, I'd . What? I thought a little bitterly. Kill him? That one thought shut that line of speculation down completely.
I just happened to glance across the street, I'd long since left the trailer park behind, and I saw my best friend waving at me. I waved back, and couldn't hide my own grin. It was nice to see Rachel and to really remember everything that we'd been through over the years, everything that had helped form our friendship. I waited a moment, flicking my ashes, as the one or two cars that were actually on the road right now passed, and then I crossed over. Looking at the two of us, for anybody who was inclined toward the stylish, would have been like looking at a comparison in how to put together a look, and what to avoid when putting together said look.
Whereas I looked a little on the frumpy side this morning, Rachel was positively sparkling as usual. I'd always envied and hated that about her. My fellow cheerleader never seemed to have any trouble with the morning hours. Whereas I fought them tooth and nail like they were my sworn enemy, Rachel seemed to embrace them like a cherished lover. Her long blond hair was tied back in a ponytail, like mine was but her hair seemed to shine in a way that, hundreds of dollars in shampoos and conditioners later, I just couldn't seem to replicate. One day I was going to tare rip the secret away from her. I knew she wasn't wearing any makeup because, again unlike me, she was one of nature's beauty queens. Her skin was perfect and I'd never seen a blemish of any kind deterring from the radiance of her face. She was wearing a slinky black halter top, and a pair of tight black jeans that seemed to cling to her curves. The halter top looked a little too small for her though, and I was worried it might burst. She seemed to read my mind, because a look of sarcastic knowing crossed her young face.
"You look here," Rachel finally settled on, looking me up and down as we started walking. "Did you wish away your fashion sense or something Nat, 'cause I gotta say the look's definitely gonna turn heads." She paused. "Just not in the way that we like to think of as what I'll call good."
I shook my head. "Rough night," I said, blowing another thin cloud of smoke out.
"Thinking about the Karyn issue?" she asked, and I nodded. "Yeah, I spent some time thinking about that too after you left." We walked in silence for a moment, before she continued. There was a hint of reluctance in her voice as she spoke again, "And about last night Nat "
I looked at her. She didn't look scared, Rachel just looked like she was going to say something she didn't want to say. "About last night?" I prodded. When I thought about it though, I had some idea of where this was going.
"Well, it's just that you usually do a better job of covering up the smell of cigarette smoke when you come over and," she looked a little sheepish. "I mean, it's never really bothered me before. I could really care less, but my parents could smell it a mile away. They're too polite to have said anything while you were over but "
"They think I might be a bad influence on you," I supplied knowingly.
To my surprise, this made Rachel laugh out loud. "Damn right you're a bad influence on me Nat. It's just that they're not supposed to know that." She shook her head slowly. "I'm sure it'll blow over in a week or two, but I thought I'd warn you not to come around my place for a bit."
I can fix that, I thought, and before I even realized what I was doing, I began to speak. "I wish Rachel's parents didn't care that I smoked, and that they fully trusted Rachel and her judgment on such things." I looked down in horror to find the warm rock glowing in my hand. I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and allowed a long sigh to escape. So, it's gonna be like this again, huh? That's how you're going to play it?
"Um," I looked over. Rachel looked a little worried. "You sure that was a good idea?"
"It'll be fine," I told her, almost believing it.
A different look surfaced in her eyes. They were trained on the rock in my hand now. "Can I just for a minute?" she asked timidly. "There's just something I really need to do."
"Like?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes. "Look, nothing fits since I made that wish. I look like I'm gonna break out of my top any second here and I'd rather not walk around school all day with clearly defined nipples if that's all right with you." When I looked down, I realized that they were faintly outlined in the overworked fabric.
"Fine," I told her, handing it over. "But we need to be careful with this thing."
She took it in her hand and made her wish, "I wish that every piece of clothing that I owned was tailored to fit me the way it's supposed to." When the flash went away, I could see that her top was a little looser now. "Much better," she said with a smile, "and you would not believe how uncomfortable the bra was Nat. Felt like it was digging into my skin all morning." She let out a long, somewhat overly dramatic breath of relief and handed me back the rock. I slipped it into my purse again.
I took one final drag on my cigarette and dropped it on the ground, rubbing it out with the toe of my shoe. A thought crossed my mind suddenly. It was completely random and out of place, but I had to voice it, "Hey, you remember that time in sixth grade, when we had that sleepover at your place," I paused as the memory slowly flooded in, "It was you, me, and Kathy. We were doing one of those stupid little scavenger hunts around the house." I was trying not to laugh. "We were looking for a pair of boy's boxers so we decided to check in your older brother's room. Only, we didn't knock and he was sitting on the edge of his bed with his pants around his ankles and he was "
"Gross!" Rachel stopped me, offering a mortified chuckle. "I do now," she said indignantly, "and thanks for wasting the last four years that I'd spent trying not to. Why would you even bring that up?"
"Because I remember it too!" I said gleefully.
"And?"
"And nothing," I told her, unable to ditch the grin. It was so nice to remember everything now, even if every happy memory I could recall now was laced with a little guilt. I didn't want to die, don't get me wrong, but I still felt that if it had to be one of us, it should have been Jon. Still, I could fix this. I could make it right.
As we neared the end of the residential area, I could see the school coming up on us. I finally managed to slide the smile off my face, filing it away for later, and turned my head toward Rachel again. She still looked a little uneasy. Still, she looked a lot better than she had that day
"So," I said. "I've been thinking about the situation. I don't want to make major changes where we don't have to, but there's gonna be at least one "
"The part where Karyn and our friends are still alive," she said. "Yeah, I'd been thinking about that too Nat, and I just don't see much we can do with little wishes in that area."
"Agreed," I nodded. "Now, there's every chance that we won't get it right on the first try, so I think we just need to be as vague as possible with our wishes in the beginning, leave ourselves room to adjust things." It sounded good anyway. I wondered if it could truly be that easy though. I looked up once more at the parting clouds. "Won't let'cha down Jonny."
"Did you say something?" Rachel asked, looking up at me.
"Just talking to myself," I told her. In a way, it was even true. "So, I've thought about where to begin, and then we're just going to have to take it from there and see what happens." I paused. "You ready?" I asked softly. The rock was back in my hand now. When she nodded, I clasped it tightly.
"I wish "
