I didn't even see her move. Maybe I was just too distracted by everything that was going on, maybe I was just slow, or maybe Rachel was a ninja. All I knew was that one minute I was holding the rock up, and the next minute, Rachel was holding it, looking down at it in quiet awe. At least she seemed a little humbled.
"Sorry," she said, and I could see in her eyes that she meant it, "but if you did something, if you changed something and it's got you this weirded out then I need to know." She had that same tone in her voice that she'd used earlier. The tone that implied that she had a right to know everything about everything.
"Please give it back Rachel," I pleaded. I started to make a move toward her, but I knew it was too late. By the time I started moving, I could already hear her speaking those words
"I wish I knew what was going on, and why Natalie was acting so strange."
As much as I'd wanted to stop her, it was too late. As we were enveloped by the flash of light, I stopped in my tracks. There was really nothing I could do about it now. I watched as she froze in place. It was almost as though things were happening in slow motion as I watched her eyes grow slowly wider. This lasted for about a minute as I imagined the thoughts and images that were floating through her mind now. All I could do was watch and hope that she could handle it.
After a moment, she loosened her grip on the rock and it fell to the ground landing softly on the carpet. I didn't waste any time scooping it up. When I looked back up, Rachel was walking back over to her bed. She hadn't said anything yet, and it was clear by the look of shock and fear on her face that she really didn't know where to begin. I stood there for a moment, suddenly interested in looking at anything that wasn't my horror stricken friend.
Finally, and it seemed like several eternities had passed, she looked up. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, apparently thought better of it, and closed it again. The silence lasted a few more seconds before she finally broke it. Only when she spoke did I realize how eerily quiet it had become in here.
"So " that was about as far as she got. If the rock had shown her everything that had happened over the last couple of days, I could understand why she was having such a difficult time. It was a lot of information to try and take in, let alone believe. "But I remember and the shooting Sarah and the others who are you?"
I took a deep breath. Rachel looked as though she was going to burst into tears and it made my heart ache. Maybe I wasn't really Natalie, and maybe I didn't have the benefit of those ten years of friendship that they'd shared, but it wasn't hard to see how she and Rachel could have been friends. Deep down, beneath the snotty cheerleader exterior, Rachel was a real person, a real girl with real emotions. Even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't take these new revelations away from her. They'd been granted by the power of the rock, and that power was apparently irreversible. Besides, I wasn't sure I really wanted to anymore.
I walked over and sat down beside her on the bed. Putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, I decided that I needed to try and explain this. I wasn't even sure where to begin though. "The rock," I told her in a soft voice, "It changes reality."
"Um, hello I know that already, remember?" she said, and there was some defiance in her voice now. For some reason I found that strangely comforting.
"Right," I said, "Sorry. I wasn't always Natalie " I'd briefly forgotten that Rachel was, for all intents and purposes, Natalie's Karyn.
"But I remember you always being Natalie," she told me. It sounded like she was recovering from her near breakdown now. "I mean, you've always been Natalie."
"Right," I said again. Why did this whole thing have to be so damned confusing! Why couldn't things just be nice and simple? "Except, yesterday I made the wish that turned me into Natalie. Before yesterday I wasn't always Nat " I paused for a moment. "Okay, this is giving me one hell of a headache." I rubbed my temple.
"Look," Rachel said, "I'm sorry, but this is just a lot to take in. "I mean, first there's the fact that my best friend, who'd been a girl for at least the last ten years that I've known her Well it turns out that she wasn't always a girl until yesterday." She stopped for the moment, and pushed my hand away. "Jon, right? That was your name?"
I nodded.
"And the shooting last year," as she spoke, I saw her eyes drift toward a picture on her desk. It was a picture of Rachel, Sarah, and myself or Natalie rather, dressed in their cheerleader outfits. They were all smiles. "All of that happened because of your wish?" Though the words stopped for a moment, I could tell she was far from finished so I chose not to interrupt. When she did start talking again, her attention was completely focused on the picture. "That was taken the day before " she started, "But if what I learned from the rock is true, you don't even remember that, do you?"
I shook my head helplessly. "No, I don't. I have this body, and Natalie's personality, but I don't have her memories. Not all of them anyway," I amended. She nodded and walked back over to the bed. She sat down and stared at her door for a moment, before looking back at me. There was different kind of look in her eyes now.
"And you're trying to figure out how to set things right?"
I nodded.
She nodded back. "So, was it really so terrible being a boy?" she asked.
"Huh?" the question caught me off guard.
"I mean," she said, "was it really so bad? You can't take back the wish, I know that, but knowing what you know right now, if you could go back and reverse that initial wish, would you?"
That is the question.
"I don't know," I told her, slowly shaking my head and sitting down on the carpet in front of her. "I mean, even with everything that's gone wrong, all the terrible things that have happened since yesterday I just don't know." I wanted to say yes, absolutely and without a doubt, but that was the problem wasn't it? The doubt. The truth was that I really did feel more complete this way, like this was how it should have been from the beginning, and I really wasn't sure if I could give that up.
She nodded. I knew that she couldn't possibly understand, but she gave every impression that she did. How could a girl like this be friends with somebody like Sarah? Somebody like me?
"I wouldn't want you to," Rachel said.
"You're taking this all very well," I commented. "I thought that "
"What?" she asked with a sarcastic grin crossing her face, "That I'd turn on you, or proclaim to the hilltops that I don't know you, and that you're a monster, or that you weren't really my friend?"
"Um All of the above," I said meekly. "Are you sure you're okay now?"
She nodded again. "I'm Well, I will be fine. It's a lot to take in and I won't lie there are parts of me that want to do all three of those things, and there's a part of me that blames you for well you know, but, you didn't mean for any of this to happen. Yes, you're responsible, but it wasn't your fault."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead," Rachel said. There was a distant look in her eyes, but given everything she'd just been exposed to, I felt she was doing exceptionally well.
"Why cheerleading? I hope I don't sound too insulting here, but you seem so much smarter than that, especially given the crowd you float with."
She smiled, "That was my mother's idea. She was a cheerleader when she was in high school, and she wanted me to follow." She paused. "I talked about it a lot with yo with Natalie." Rachel sighed, "Personally, I love psychology."
I nodded.
We sat there in silence for a few more minutes. I tried not to look at the picture, because every time I did, I saw the image of Sarah's body going limp in her seat, and I heard the cries and pleadings that had preceded that terrible moment.
"So, you had sex? With a guy?" I looked up at her, and there was an expression of curiosity on her face. "What was it like? Did it hurt?"
I chuckled. After the heavy topics we'd been talking about up until now, this seemed absolutely mundane. "Yep I mean, not did it hurt At first a little I guess," I told her, "But after it really got started, It was amazing." The look in Rachel's eyes changed, and I realized that she was looking at me with something akin to awe. "I would definitely do it again," I added with a firm nod.
"Wow," she said.
And this really happens, doesn't it? I thought. Girls walk around school, and even further into their lives, pretending that they're not interested, that they're better than we better than guys are because they're above it, but when it comes down to it, they really do want it just as badly as we do. They sit around and talk about it just like we are right now. *I hadn't given it a lot of thought before. There were girls around the school that were said to be rather easy, and some that were called sluts, and I suppose we all assumed that maybe they talked about these sorts of things, but Rachel * Well, Rachel definitely wasn't a slut, and yet here she is, just as anxious to shed her virginity as anybody else is. I could say one thing for the last couple of days, they'd been enlightening in many respects.
"I'd like to help you if I can," she finally said as she stood up. "I mean, you're trying to figure out how to prevent what happened, how to protect Karyn and the others from the results of your wish, right?" She paused for a moment, "I know, thanks to the rock, that you were thinking about removing my memory of it, and now you can't," she offered a light smile. "Whatever happened, I remember being your friend Natalie, or Jon, or whatever you're calling yourself, and I want to do what I can to help, and I won't take no for an answer."
"Alright," I told her. "I was going to try and get some sleep tonight, but tomorrow I want to try and work out a way of stopping the shooting without doing any more damage."
"I'll sleep on it too," she said. "We'll meet up before class alright, outside the school, and we'll talk about whatever ideas we come up with."
"Sounds good," I told her.
She smiled. "Well, you should probably get home then."
A few moments later, I was climbing back into Jill's car, thinking about how well that had gone. I started the car, lit a cigarette and pulled out of her driveway. I'd been scared when I was on my way here, but now I was feeling a lot better. Rachel had a good head on her shoulders, and I was sure that with her help we could figure out how to save everybody.
"You really think that was a good idea?" I turned to see Malcolm sitting in the passenger seat
