Jill was waiting by the door. Obviously the twenty minutes had been more of a loose guideline because she was ready to go. I threw a set of basic tennis shoes on, and followed her out the door. We climbed into the car, and headed off. As we drove down the road, Kelly Clarkson singing about how much her life would suck without somebody in it, a question popped into my mind. It was rather sudden, and I wasn't certain how close Jill and I were now, but I still found myself incredibly curious.
I turned to her and asked
"If you could change anything about yourself," I started, "What would it be?" I looked at her.
"Hmm," Jill said, tilting her head ever so slightly, and not taking her eyes off of the road once. "I guess I've never really thought about it. That's a tough one." After a moment, she glanced over at me. "Where's this coming from anyway Nat?" she asked, and she sounded a little bit concerned. "Is there something bothering you?"
"No," I said, hoping that it hadn't sounded a little too quick. It was true too. Aside from the strange visit, which I was starting to believe I'd probably imagined anyway, there was absolutely nothing bothering me. Since I'd made the wish I'd felt more alive and more real than I ever had before. "I'm fine," I finally reassured her in a more calming tone of voice. "It's just curiosity."
"I see," she told me, "Well, you're gonna have to let me think on that one sis," she said, reaching into her purse. After a moment, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I'd almost forgotten Jill smoked. It had been the same before my wish but she'd never done it around any of us before. Mom and Dad had always given her a hard time about it, and there had always been a little cloud of shame that she'd associated with it. She rolled her window down a little and looked at me with a smile. "You know I don't mind if you smoke," she told me with a smirk, "I'm not gonna narc on you."
Without making a show of it, because this was a surprising turn of events, I opened my purse and peered inside. There was a small wallet, a couple of tampons - Hadn't thought much about those yet - some other odds and ends, and a pack of cigarettes. I looked back at her and smiled uncertainly. I didn't want to do anything to draw attention to myself, so I lit one. My body was obviously used to it because it felt good and even eleviated some of the stress I hadn't even realized I'd been feeling. "Thanks," I told her as I rolled down my own window. Obviously Jill and I were closer than I'd thought.
"I suppose I wish I'd never started doing this," she said gesturing with her cigarette," a look of regret crossed her lips, "and I certainly wish I'd never gotten you hooked."
I shook my head. I really didn't like to see her looking so down. "It's okay," I told her, and I started to think about the question I'd asked her, filing that response away for later, "What about you though?" I asked.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean," she told me as we took a left. The breeze felt good against my skin. "Are you talking about me physically, or just me in general?"
"I guess in general," I told her as I took another drag. I'd never smoked a day in my life, but right now it felt as natural as breathing. "I mean if you found a magical lamp or something and had one wish "
"Don't they usually grant three wishes?" she asked with a grin, cutting me off.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine," I said, "Whatever, but what if you found one and had one three wishes?" I paused. "What would be the first thing you'd wish for?"
We were pulling into the mall parking lot now, and it seemed as if everybody else in town had decided to come as well. The parking lot was packed, and I wondered if we'd ever find a space. I dropped my butt out the window and looked at her. I wasn't sure why I was so concerned about this. Maybe I just wanted to know that there were other people in the world who weren't happy with the cards they were dealt. Other people who, given the chance, would change something fundamental.
My sister didn't speak again for a while, and it was clear that she was concentrating on my question. We walked toward the entrance, and I noticed a few guys glancing our way. It gave me a little bit of a rush, I don't mind saying. If we had come here a couple of hours ago, they'd only have been looking at Jill, but now they were looking at me too. I couldn't help myself. I glanced back at the taller, cuter one and winked. He smiled back.
"I guess," she finally said, as she opened the door for me, "There's one thing I'd change." She sounded serious now. "It's gonna sound stupid, I know "
"Trust me, it won't," I assured her.
"I guess I kind of wish "
