If I actually had the guts, actually went through with this wish, the thing I wanted more than anything in the world, would it affect our friendship? I'd have to make the wish without her around, because I couldn't bare the thought of her finding out. Being out of her range of hearing also meant that the effects of the wish would impact her too. I would remember everything, it would be almost like I'd lived two lives, but she would only remember what the wish let her remember. I wondered if I wanted this more than I needed her friendship.
Honestly, I wasn't completely sure. I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking about all the good times we'd had together. Was the release of this pain I'd carried around worth that potential loss? Finally I nodded and opened my eyes. I could hear my family downstairs, and I could tell they were getting dinner ready. If I was going to do this, it was going to have to be now. If I stopped, took the time to go down and eat, I knew I'd probably lose my nerve, and I couldn't bare the thought of that happening.
My mind made up, I closed my eyes again and wrapped my hand tightly around the stone. As I began to say those fateful words, "I wish..." I felt the stone begin to warm my flesh.
"That I'd been born a girl," I finished, almost unable to believe I'd uttered the words. For as long as I could remember, I'd never felt quite right. It started out small. When I was younger, for example, I'd always preferred playing girls on the playground. In fact, I'd always felt a little more at ease around girls than I had guys. I'd tried to push it off and not think about it, but as I'd grown older, my secret desire began to manifest itself in other ways. I'd look at some of the cuter girls in our class and, don't get me wrong I noticed how good they looked, but beneath that, I'd always wished that I could look like that too. Pretty, I suppose. I admired the way that they looked in their dresses, or tight tops and jeans. It was partly my sex drive talking. Don't get me wrong, sexuality had always been a tricky subject for me.
I was definitely bisexual, a fact that I'd kept carefully to myself, but it was something more than that too. It had almost felt as though I was bi-gendered, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I would think in a mostly masculine way, and other times I would find my thought process taking on a decidedly more feminine approach. It had always been confusing to say the least. It was something that I'd kept bottled up for a long time. It was something that had caused me no end of grief and emotional hardship as well. I had just never felt completely comfortable in my body I suppose. It just felt... off. I'd given some thoughts to surgeries and procedures, but being sixteen and unwilling to discuss this with anybody, let along my parents, I knew that anything like that was still a ways off on the horizon.
Then the stone had fallen into my lap. I'd known instantly what I was going to do with it. There had never been any doubt in my mind. The only really difficult part had been working up the courage to go through with it. What if it didn't work? I'd wondered. What if it did work and something went wrong? What if, for some reason, it didn't alter everybody's memories like it was supposed to? And most importantly, What if I was wrong? I knew I wasn't... wrong that is. In moments like these, however when life hands us the opportunity to grab what it is we want the most, we often have these doubts. That was why I'd done what I'd done.
The stone continued to warm itself as I finished speaking and I had to close my eyes against the blinding flash of light. Even though the flash had gone, and the rock once again felt cool against my palms, I found it difficult to open my eyes again. What was I going to find? Had it worked? If it had, then what?
After a moment that seemed to stretch itself out into an eternity, I finally worked up the courage to open them...
