Sitting here in this dank, smelly motel room I think I'm starting to finally understand what I put Jon through. What we've all put him through. I'd like to say that today couldn't have been any worse, but with Jon in control of that damned rock, I know I'd just be adding fuel to the fire. Even so, it's fair to say that I've never had a worse day in my life.
I'd packed my things, ready to hit the road. It's definitely times like this that make me wish I lived alone. I was waiting for my dad and my nephew to leave when Jon's stupid wish kicked in I swear, if I'd known I was messing with a real human being If I'd known Well, it's safe to say that I'd have done things differently. Or not at all. Anyway, I was sitting in my room reflecting on everything that had happened, and waiting for the house to clear out when his next wish kicked in. I suddenly knew that I couldn't wait for them to leave because I had to make it to work. I had to get there, and I had to be on time because Jon made damn sure that I'd work my entire shift. I fought the urge, tried to stay where I was, but my body wouldn't cooperate. I wonder if this is how people with Parkinson's feel. I've never felt that before. Against my will, it forced me out. I couldn't risk discovery though. My body was a little more cooperative when I decided to go with it, and I managed to grab one of my hoodies and my winter coat. I pulled the hood up, threw the loose coat on, and bolted from the house, duffel and laptop in hand.
Looking back, I think I'll call that the good part of my day.
Going to work was like going to a party I hadn't been invited to. You know that person who shows up unexpectedly? The one that nobody invites because nobody wants them there? Well, I was wishing I was that person when I got there because I wouldn't have felt nearly as uncomfortable as I did. Before clocking in, I decided there was one matter that really needed to be dealt with. Avoiding everybody's gaze, my head turned down and my eyes averted the entire way, I eventually found myself in the Lady's Accessories section looking at the different bras.
Maybe women are just used to them, and maybe it had to do with the fact that they were new to me but these breasts were turning out to be kind of a nuisance. I mean, they're in the way all the time, and even now as I'm writing this, I still haven't gotten used to the unaccustomed weights on my chest. They tend to shift more than I'd like too. I wonder if it's like this for all women? Maybe I'll get used to them in time. I just knew that I needed to do something about them. And bras! How many choices do women really need? I get the different sizes, and some of the different styles, and especially the lingerie, but there were several short isles of the damn things. It took me forever to find one that worked, and of course I had to try them on. Do you have any idea how damned uncomfortable that is? I'm not talking about the simple act of trying them on. I'm talking about carrying them into the fitting room while the attendant, whom you've known for at least a couple of years, watches you shut the door. The look of awkward disgust on her face made me shrivel when I stepped inside. And the day was just beginning!
The day really didn't get better from there. The pants were still uncomfortable, but I knew I'd have to try anything on that I was planning to buy, and I couldn't bare that look again, so I dealt. Nobody wanted to talk to me. I mean nobody. I hadn't been extremely popular in high school, but I'd always had a small group of friends. I'd never been that guy. Now I knew firsthand what that had probably felt like. It wasn't a good feeling. To make matters worse, I work in the personnel office, so it's a good shot that somebody's going to need to talk to me throughout the day. If you could only have seen those exchanges.
I have a coworker, her name is Jen. Now Jen and I had been best friends for the better part of ten years now. We'd dated for a year or so at first, but it hadn't worked out. Since then, we'd become extremely close friends. We told each other everything, and there was never any subject that was too personal. I knew that I could always go to her if I had a problem. So, I tried. Her look wasn't any different than the other ones I'd been getting all day, but it hurt a hell of a lot more. While I talked to her, trying to explain what was going on; she'd constantly been turning her head, and glancing over my shoulder.
She'd been looking for an out. My best friend, the person who knew more about me than anybody in the world, was trying to avoid me. I couldn't take it. I spent about fifteen minutes in the bathroom trying to compose myself. Well, I spent the first five in the wrong bathroom. Without thinking, I'd walked into the men's room. There hadn't been anybody in there, so I didn't really think about it. When one of my coworkers walked in and gave me an extremely disconcerted look, I thought about it. I thought about it all the way into the lady's room. I stood in front of the mirror for a minute, still unable to believe the extremely feminine form I was seeing. When a couple of my female coworkers walked in, it was pretty clear that I wasn't welcome in there either. So, I locked myself in a stall until I'd calmed down a little.
I always go out to my car on lunch to read and smoke. I was grateful to get out of that building for an hour, but I didn't really get too much reading done. I was working my way through that new Dan Brown novel. I'd been really getting into it, but now I just couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking about the looks, the whispered conversations that stopped whenever I approached, and the leers I'd been getting from a couple of my male coworkers. It was all I could do to keep from trembling as I chain smoked from the moment I sat down in my car, to moment I got out an hour later.
The rest of the night didn't go much better. I made the bathroom mistake again later and even tried to take a leak standing up again before I remembered. It might sound kind of stupid, but I really think that peeing standing up is going to be one of the hardest habits to break. I mean, it's so ingrained in my subconscious that I don't really think about it. It's just kind of weird to think that there's not a penis dangling between my legs anymore. I mean, yeah I don't feel it brushing against my boxers anymore, but I still keep on expecting to find it down there.
Somehow I made it through the night though. I knew I couldn't go home, not yet anyway. So, I drove to this little motel up the road from where I work. It's the kind of place that gives those seedy little motels a bad name, but at least it's cheap. I can stay here tonight. Thankfully I don't have to work tomorrow, because I honestly don't know if I could face that again right away. It was the single worst experience of my life. There were several times throughout the day that I just wanted to crawl into a hole in die. There was some gross guy behind the counter too, probably in his forties, who looked like he hadn't bathed in a week. My entire body shivered as I watched his eyes crawl up and down my body. I honestly wanted to throw up.
I guess I'll do some clothes shopping tomorrow because I feel like these pants are gonna cut me in half! On the plus side, if it can be said there is one under the circumstances, I'm becoming a little more comfortable with my new body. I think I'd be okay if the rest of my life weren't so messed up.
Jon, I know you're reading this. Hell, you're probably watching me type it. You're right, okay. I did some terrible things to you and your friends, we all have. You have to know that I'm sorry though. From the bottom of my heart I apologize. Please, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, anything at all, I'll do it. Just please stop!
Please
