I took a break from fb for a bit but after coming back and reading through some additions I have to say I really enjoyed your writing (even though I usually prefer transformations into weaker females, not ones with superhero qualities). Your prose flows well. It's clear you gave the story a good think and I like how you're building a bunch of new lore to sit on top of it.
The one critique I have is the formatting. You are not always consistent with paragraphs that get separated by one 'Enter' versus two, or for example. I think your text would read so much better if you put two New Lines at an end of each paragraph, quoted speech marks etc. instead of just one. It would read better (at least to me) if the text was broken down into more discrete chunks.
Other than that I also really appreciate how sneakily you let the reader know that Jon might have some control over Victoria's 'stats' (and how she still has no clue if the danger is real because Jon changes his mind and Hairstyle disappears). I'm hoping you'll use it to have her gradually turn into what Jon and not Leonard considers a 'perfect girl, maybe making him slightly more miserable - but that's just my preferences ;)
