"I'm your host, Talarian Kovosh, thanks for joining us! Let's meet our contestants!" The Lizard man, Talarian, cheered, and Jon felt himself floating forward until he was center stage. From the front, Talarian looked strangely like a red version of the old video game character Gex, with the addition of a small mustache; Jon would have been amazed if he wasn't busy being frightened. "Our subjects all come from the archetypal municipality of Lake Valley and may be our best gang this season!"
Talarian gestured to Jon, and a montage of Jon's day to day life began playing on a screen behind him as he talked. "Our first guest is Jon Gibson, the epitome of the average Earther. Jon is neither exceptionally talented nor particularly gifted physically. He has a small, classic American, that's one of their major nation states for you folks at home, family and a small but close social circle. Not the best physical specimen, this earther has been entirely unlucky in securing a mate." Jon 's eye twitched slightly, it was one thing to abduct him, it was another to broadcast his lack of a dating life for the whole galaxy to see.
Talarian continued, "The young male lusts after various beautiful females of the species, but particularly his long term friend, Karyn Black, the local socially dominant female, Sarah McMillan, and the local medical professional, Penelope Dearheart" As he spoke the women in question flashed up on the screen. "With Jon here, we have a blank slate, who knows what we'll make of him! Let's give it up for Jon Gibson!" The crowd cheered along.
Jon felt himself floating back, not to where he was before, but to the side, so he could see the other contestants and their montages as they came forward. The second floated forward and Jon's eyes widened as he saw he was looking at Penelope Dearheart, the young nurse of Lake Valley Academy, in the nude, similarly frozen in the green light.
"Penelope Dearheart here is 26 cycles old and considered a near ideal form of this species." Talarian began, Penelope's eyes swam with fear but like Jon she couldn't move. "With her deep blue eyes, dark full bodied hair, well proportioned rear and chest regions, and button nose, she's become an idol of adoration for many of the young earthers, including our previous contestant." Talarian shot a wink towards Jon and the crowd oohed along. "Penelope is a secondary medical practitioner assigned to the local educational facility and considered exemplary at her job. Unfortunately for her admirers, she has an intended mate, Siobahn Finley, who also works at the educational facility as a teacher." The image of the feisty irish redhead with incredible breasts, who taught economics at Lake Valley, flashed on the screen. Jon dimly noted that the two women nearly every male student had a crush on were in fact engaged to each other. "Ms. Dearheart's someone with a lot going on and a lot to lose, what will happen? Stay tuned to this frequency to find out, let's give it up for Penelope Dearheart!"
Penelope floated over next to Jon and the next contestant was floated forward. Jon wished he could avert his eyes as he was confronted with the nude form of Steve Farber, whose muscles strained uselessly against the containment beam. "Steve 'The Stud' Farber here is one of the socially dominant young males of Lake Valley, leading one of their two primitive sporting teams and receiving commiserate social status. Unlike Jon, Steve has been quite successful at attracting mates and is a stellar example of the young masculine earther!" Jon wanted to protest, was this alien gameshow host sassing him and him alone?
"Steve is both an ally and a rival of the other young alpha, Biff Meadows," Biff flashed on the screen, "and is the primary paramour of Tiffany Sanders!" The platinum blonde in her cheerleading uniform appeared. "With his physical prowess and masculine charisma, Steve is a strong contestant for Prom King, a barbarian popularity contest used to determine the most dominant youth, or at least he was before he became a contestant on the Reality Game!" The crowd chanted along with him again as he got to name of the show, "Let's give it up for Steve Farber, everybody!"
Steve floated to join Jon and Ms. Dearheart, while the next contestant floated forward. Jon realized he recognized them too, it was Leonard Drullers, almost the archetypal asthmatic glasses wearing overweight nerd. "Welcome Leonard Drullers, everyone! If Jon's the average and Steve's the ideal, Leonard is the other side of the scale." Talaran chuckled, it seemed the aliens really didn't care about their contestants feelings. "Leonard is an introverted fellow who mostly spends his time engaging with the earthers primitive computer systems. The bottom of the social ladder, Leonard is none the less incredibly intelligent for one of the species. He outclasses Jon academically even more than Steve outclasses Jon physically." The audience laughed at that and Jon really wanted to get his hands on whoever wrote this script.
"Leonard suffers from a low social class as well, not coming from a family with much affluence. So, with both a social and physical detriment, but remarkable intelligence, Leonard makes quite the contrast. How will that change when he spins the wheel? Point your eyestalks this way and find out!"
Leonard was floated to the others and the second to last contestant was brought out.
"Here we have Sarah McMillan, the social queen of the local youth." In any other circumstance Jon would be ecstatic to see Sarah nude, but as it was he wasn't able to focus on her. "Sarah here is considered the epitome of the all-american girl, and the scion of the wealthiest clan in the local area. If Penelope was the ideal grown earther, Sarah is the ideal earther on the edge of maturity. With her wealth, physical gifts, and innate deviousness and cleverness, Sarah stands posed to take earther society by storm, or she does until it's her turn to spin, the Wheel of Changes!" Sarah was floated back as the crowd began to chant, "Wheel, wheel, wheel!"
"We're almost there by good gentlebeings! Finally, let me introduce you to, Sabrina Johnson!" The other blonde floated forward and hung in place. "Sabrina belongs to a sub-culture known as goths, as you can see signified by the makeup she wears in her archive footage and her numerous piercings. Sabrina was born on the wrong side of the space tracks, and decided to reject the society that rejected her. She's a rebel against the earther's dominant social heirarchy but is that subject to change? Of course it is, because everything is, here on, THE REALITY GAME!" Talarian gestured to the floating humans, and said "Let's have one last round of applause for our lovely contestants!"
