"What do you mean 'cant fix this one'?" thundered Melvin in his new, honey sweet voice. "You've got to 'fix this one'! I demand that 'this one' be FIXED!"
Hogatha frowned and set her hands on her considerable hips "I dont be thinkin' that I can, yer 'loudness'. It were a quick spell from an' item an' not a proper charm with a beginnin' an' an' end. It ain't gonna be as easy as if I'd intended it ta be like this. A discombobulater is a quick, off the cuff, sort o' magic fer emergencies. It aint supposed to be reversable 'cause it aint supposed to be used unless it's an' emergency."
"Then why did you use it?" Melvin snarled accusingly.
"Because you were trying to slay my mother, you oafish cad!" Spat Jewel as she stepped infront of Melvin.
Melvin looked confused, then hurt and embaressed. Then he turned away and started to cry.
Sandy trotted over to Melvin and put his armes around her shoulders. Melvin tensed for a moment...then sobbed against his chest like a child.
Jewel noticed that her mother was looking at the two newly minted centaurs through a what looked alot like a dream catcher. Hogatha nodded and handed it to her 'daughter', saying "Yep. Just like I figgered, m'dear. Look through this, would yah?"
Princess Jewel (who was beginning to forget that her name was anything else) held the device up and saw through it's circle a mature woman standing in the place of the male centaur...and a boy of perhaps ten crying on her shoulder.
"The poor child was only a little boy! Oh, the poor dear!"
Hogatha shook her head and explained "It be an enchanted 'Emotional Development Analyzer" (patent pending) that I made from a kit. He wern't a little boy...but he was inside, if'n yah get'n me drift. The one that were a gal were the stronger o' the two. The one who's now a lass is gonna be fine...as long as 'shes' got the 'he' ta lean on."
Jewel felt her heart melt at the sight of the crying girl. Maybe she could help her?
"I dont want ta break-up yer party...but it's gonna rain a bunch in a bit or two. Perhaps we can do our weepin' inside?"
(Meanwhile)
It was a great time to be a Drakkar!
Flamebreak landed at the feet of his queen, awaiting orders. The mighty queen reclined upon a couch and popped another of the things she called 'Burgers" into her mouth. She rested one hand upon her softening belly and another upon Flamebreaks crest.
"And how's every little thing, FlameBreak? You havin' a good time?"
"Yes, my glorious queen! All the troops are doing just as you ordered. The Drakkar-elite are training for the main thrust against the hawk-people of the Skylightes, our squads of Drak-bear riders comb the Gnome Hills for the gems you say are burried their...um, how did you know that, by the way?"
"The Gnome Hills were listed at being the resting place for the Dwarf-Lords treasure on the fold-out map of 'Whoops! Fairyverse!'...which I think was the second book. Since they've never been listed on any other maps I can assume that they're still there."
She glanced aside and saw that once again her loyal hench-Drakkar was confused. Sighing, she added "Plus the gods told me."
"Oh!" said Flamebreak as he nodded, not realy understanding anyway but not wanting to seem foolish.
"And how about my Drak-mages attempts to open the Doors of Forever?"
"The command words were just as the gods told you!" Flamebreak exclaimed. "You seem to know most everything!"
"Well, I have read all the books." she commented as she tossed another burger down. She piched-up her goblet of bubbling, brown, suger water and drank a long swallow. She called it a Cola, another of her grand inventions, and even the elves loved it! The Drakkar would drink almost a bucket a day if allowed.
"Now go and tell our Shadow-Drak assassins and Pyro-Drak troops that we'll need to get busy with the conquest of the Green Kingdom. The king is'nt the all-powerful warlord he seems to be, but rather a tiny pixie with an illusion cast about him. As pixies melt if you get them wet, threaten to pee on him if he dosn't agree to surrender and become my vassal. And be quick about it! Or else you'll be 'written-up'!"
Flamebreak sped out of the room, a smile on his face. Drakkar loved to be threatened - and the queen had come-up with some interesting ones lately. The 'write-up' was the worst of them, though. It was said that whoever got three of them in a one-month period would be 'Flamed'!
Or maybe it was 'Fired'? He couldn't remember.
Queen Drakka dipped her fried potato-wedges into the tomato, salt, corn syrup and vinager sauce she'd instruted the elves to make. They, having miss heard her, called it 'KATZ-UP', and now poured it onto practicly everything.
Life was good. And thank heaven she'd decided to go back and reread the older books in the series before starting the new one! If not she might have forgotten some things. Knowing the books by heart was going to make conquering this world a piece of cake!
Cake.
"Hey, whispergloss!" she shouted. An elf came bustling into the room, hands ringing.
"Yes, my dark lady?"
"Get me some cake...put a little Katz-up on it. And a few more burgers and another cola."
"Right away, my lady."
Gloria Stutz/Queen Drakka sat back and began to lay plans for the conquest of the 'Vast and Scary Forrest'. Knowing that the Woodlings were afraid of fire and the Moss-Ents were unable to leave their sacred groves would make it all easyer.
She'd known that someday her obsessive re-reading of the Fairyverse books would pay off!
Meanwhile, inside the abandoned castle, a pair of enchanted princes were wondering if anyone would ever rescue them!
