The King of all Elfindom said "You'll never get away with this, you Fiend!"
Queen Drakka rolled her golden. slitted eyes and sighed "Yeah...sure...what ever you say, chief." she said as she flexed her great wings and looked down at her purplish-black scaled body. Her physical form was not unattractive, with a slim yet muscular body plated with small scales, taloned feet and hands, a longer than normal neck and a long, muscular tail. Topped-off with her wings, her horns, and her high crest that symbolized her status as Drakkar royalty, she was a beautiful and deadly creature of destruction.
As her Drakkar warriors closed and locked the door to the dungeon Queen Drakka seemed unnaturally interested in inspecting her body. She felt her crest, her face (mostly humanoid, but with a slightly pronounced muzzle, nostral slits and sharp fangs) and couldn't seem to stop touching her breasts. This was unusual to her warriors, but not a one of them would have questioned her. She was, after all, Drakka the War Queen, The lady of the air and mountains, the daughter of King Scalebitter Winglord (Burke Note: Yes, that is bitter not biter) and was thus the queen of all the Drakkar. If she wanted to fondle her juggs infront of her soldiers then they would all die to protect her choice to do so. She was the Queen after all...
Queen Drakkar stalked through the halls of the Castle of Light and Laughter with her eyes showing a mixture of puzzlement and frustration. Then she seemed to realize that the elves who had been allowed to remain free were staring at her. She flared her wings, lashed her tail and roared "Get back to work you lazy bastards! I dont pay you to slackass around!"
Her soldiers backed-up her threat with a hiss and an equaly frightening display of wing flapping and tail lashing. The elves bumped into each other and ran to their respective duties. Queen Drakka may be feeling a bit odd...but she was still Drakka the Scourge, War Queen of the Drakkar.
When she arived at her throne room, which had once been the throne room of Oakenleaf the elven king, she turned to her warriors and said "Good work on the whole escort-thing, fellas. But I think I've got it under control now. Take a brake and get some food into you. And have someone bring me some grub too."
The soldiers exchanged a look of puzzlement, then shrugged and saluted. After the had left she walked to a mirror and gaped at herself again...but not with some delight.
"I'm that Queen from the book." she whispered as she turned, flexed and inspected herself again. This was not actually a bad thing in her opinion, as Queen Drakka had been her favorite character since she'd picked-up the 5th book of the Fairyverse series. The princess was a boob, the witch was obvious comic relief and 'our hero' was a waste of space...but Queen Drakka was almost too cool for the book. She was sharp and dangerous and wicked as heck!
Gloria Stutz had managed the same McDonalds for three years in the real world, so a character like Drakka natural;y appealed to her.
When the elf arrived with her food (a plate of raw meat.) she wrinkled her nostril slits and said "Yuk! What the heck is that crap?"
"It...it's what your men eat...uh, your highness."
Shockingly, Queen Drakka smiled and said "Actually...what I'd like is for you to grind this up, form it into patties, grill it, then serve it to me on a bun. Oh! And do you have potatoes here?"
"Yes..." the elf was looking slightly dazed.
"Good! Cut them into wedges, fry them in hot grease and sprinkle them with salt. Think you've got that, chief?"
The elf nodded and rushed off, still wondering what had just happened. Had a Drakkar actualy asked him to cook meat? And potatoes? And in such an odd manner. Still, it did sound tasty...
"Mother...I mean Carl...Slow down!"
Hogathas broom was whipping over the land of Elvendom at great speed, zipping and weaving over the trees and occasionally diverting to chase a flock of ducks or to buzz a herd of cattle. Hogatha was in full witching glory, laughing and singing as she went. Judy had her arms wrapped about Carl's considerable middle and was holding on for dear life.
"Woah-up broom!" she cried as she slowed to a more normal pace. Hogatha/carl laughed and patted her daughters hands. "Sorry 'bout that, sweetie! Sometimes I've gots no more sense than I did went I was a wee slip of a witch 200 years ago. It's just that I loves to zoom when I can. Dont tell me ya dont feel the need fer speed in yer blood?"
"It most certainly is not!" she sniffed as she smoothed her dress and fussed with her hair. Then, realizing what she was doing, she bowed her head and began to sob.
"Whats wrong, dearie?"
"I'm turning into that wimp Jewel. I'm more concerned about my looks than getting to the castle and getting out of this madhouse. Oh, I'm sorry mother...I mean Carl...I just feel...feel..."
They landed in a clearing near an abandoned castle and Hogatha alighted with Judy. "First of all, lets put this Carl nonsense aside. I've told ye that me an' he are one now. Ya can call me mom or Hogatha if'n ya want, but leave that Carl bunk by the wayside. An' secondly, you've got ta get ahold of yerself, darlin'. Your commin' apart faster than a dwarf at a troll wedding. If I'd wanted to fight bein' Hogatha I think I could've. All yah have ta do is keep the immage o' the real you in focus."
Judy smoothed her skirt and sighed. Hogatha was right, of course. Still...it was so hard to focus on her real self and not on what Jewel wanted, which was for that big ox Dragonthwapper to hurry-up and rescue her. What was taking him so long? Must her prince always be late?
Hogatha sniffed and said "Storms a' commin'!"
"How can you know?"
Hogatha tapped her long nose and smiled "The nose always knows, don'cha know. But enough of that truck, we've got to get under cover."
Jewel looked over at the castle and asked "That looks like a safe place to wait out the storm."
Hogatha shook her head and said "It's an abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere. It's bound to be packed with ghosts, orcs, and other nasties."
Still, lacking any other options they started for the castle. As they did Igor flapped up and landed on Hogathas shoulders. Judy hiked-up her skirts and walked over the rough, muddy ground with as much dignity as she could muster.
Hogatha rummaged through her bag of magical goodies. Surly she had something that could help them in this situation.
"I think we're lost." said Thunderclap as he trudged along.
"Shut-up, will yah?" Melvin, aka Sir Dragonthwapper, grumbled as the rain started to come down first in drops, then in buckets. Being a hero on a mythic quest wasn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be. First of all he couldn't remember where Hogathas cottage was supposed to be. Then it started to get dark. Now it was raining and the only shelter he could see was an abandond castle that might have had the words "TRAP FOR STUPID HEROS!" spray painted all over it. He had the experence of countless sessions of D&D; to draw from, and he felt he wasn't wrong about this. This was going to turnout to be a major encounter.
"Thunderclap, who knew that his name wasn't Thunderclap but couldn't remember what it might be, sniffed the air and warned "Hey Melvin."
"You cant remember your name but you can remember my name?"
"Dont smart mouth your sidekick when he smells magic in the air. Something in that pile of rocks reeks of witchery, and I dont think it's the cistern. You wanna draw your sword or something?"
Melvin, shaking a bit, drew his sword and urged Thunderclap forward into the courtyard.
