Melvin adjusted his codpiece, with a look of wonder on his face, before he started snickering. Even that came out better, though, as more of a hearty chuckle. Finally he was going to get some action with the ladies.
He used to try hitting on girls, particularly in high school when they were forced to be around him on a daily basis. Inevitably, they would look disgusted and walk away. They could never see just how sensitive and thoughtful he was.
He'd once seen on television that girls liked the kind of guy who was strong, but loving and romantic. He clearly remembered how hard he'd tried to be that way.
Sandy had been a sweet, blonde girl who'd actually paid attention to him. So naturally he'd tried to give her nice gifts, showering her with all kinds of valuable things. He'd never understood why she'd avoided him after that. Oh sure, she said that he spent too much time staring at her, that he frightened her. He knew that she just couldn't appreciate his love.
Ever since then he'd decided to stick to books, living vicariously through the larger-than-life heroes on the page. Now that he was Sir Dragonthwapper, it was time for some fun.
The cottage in the distance HAD to be the one with the witch in it. He knew what happened after he killed the witch, too, since he'd read this book before, especially the scene with Dragonthwapper and Princess Jewel. He licked his lips, thinking about the steamy descriptions of the Elven princess.
Then his giant black warhorse shuddered underneath him, and said "What!? Where in the holy blue blazes am I? Get OFF me, you twit!"
