Jody did as she was told, opening her English book to 215 and pretending to follow along, but her mind was anywhere but the page in front of her.
She tried to avoid looking up at her teacher. The kids already made fun of her breast size and early development. The last thing she needed was a rumor that she was a lesbian.
But she wasn't a lesbian, she thought, she'd always liked guys. Lately though, she'd been having more and more thoughts about Miss Benson and a few of the other girls in her class, thoughts that made it difficult for her to fall asleep at night. She didn't feel like herself anymore, as if two people were living inside her.
Even now she lived in paranoid fear that someone might find her journal. She'd written down everything about Miss Benson, from the clothes she wore to the strawberry gum she threw out before class every day.
"Jody, how does Ponyboy feel after the stabbing?"
Jody looked up, her look of surprise slowly fading into muted terror. "Um... what?" she said, seizing up.
Miss Benson sighed in exasperation.
"Jody, you have got to start paying attention in this class. The test is on Friday."
The only thing that made Jody feel worse than the renewed snickering of her classmates was that she could tell Miss Benson was blaming herself.
"Yes Miss Benson. I'm sorry," she mumbled, again looking down to hide her face so that her teacher couldn't see the tears she was blinking away.
"That's alright," the frustrated pedant said, and continued "Now, anyone else know?"
Jody felt so stupid, and she knew that Miss Benson must think so too. It was her fault she didn't pay attention. Miss Benson didn't need to blame herself. She was just the dumb girl with the big tits.
She kept the tears in check though. They would only give the other kids more reason to pick on her later.
