Jack opened the pamphlet slowly, hoping he wouldn't find it was too late to take some control over his new life.
"STEP ONE -- Choosing your gender: This is a decision not to be made lightly. Remember, you will be passing into a new life with full memory of your past. If you choose the opposite gender of your recently ended life, you may find yourself with a steep learning curve ahead of you. It is not recommended that you change sex unless you have already lived several lives in your original sex. According to our records, this will be your (SECOND) life.
To be male, choose the hot dog.
To be female, choose steak."
Jack felt his ethereal blood run cold. "No," he whispered. "I chose to be a woman?"
He couldn't believe this. No wonder the woman in the canteen had called him enlightened! She thought he was choosing to be female.
With a start, Jack jumped up and pounded on the door again. "Let me out of here!" he shouted. "I made a mistake! I chose the wrong gender!"
There was no audible response, but Jack thought he heard a soft chuckle from beyond the door. He pounded again -- to no avail.
After screaming himself hoarse, Jack gave up and slid down against the wall.
"Great," he thought. "A woman. How the hell am I supposed to live as a woman? I had barely gotten the hang of being a successful man, and now I have to return to Earth as the weaker sex?"
He shuddered. He imagined looking down at himself and seeing female anatomy. It was a horrible thought.
Feeling extremely nervous, he gingerly picked up the pamphlet to see what else he had carelessly signed up for.
"STEP TWO -- Choosing your age: There are two broad categories of age. Childhood is represented by baby-corn, and adulthood by corn-on-the-cob. Each helping also increases age:
BABY-CORN TABLE:
One helping = newborn
Two helpings = toddler
Three helpings = early grade school
Four helpings = late grade school
Five helpings = middle school
Six helpings = early high school
Seven helpings = late high school
CORN-ON-THE-COB TABLE:
Each helping of corn-on-the-cob increases your starting age by 5, starting at 20."
Jack swallowed, and tried to remember how many helpings of corn-on-the-cob he'd taken. . .
